I'm currently in limbo about what I should do about my children, mainly, my oldest son who is effected most by this. As of earlier today, after I opened and poured my heart out to my wife, I found out that she infact has been having an affair with another man, who also has a wife he plans on divorcing and two children. Now having said that you probibly think what I'll say next I say out of spite, but truthfully that is not the case. <P>First off when my wife first talked about moving in with her grandmother we had a long discussion about who can take care of our children in our sted have we need for a babysitter or such. Her grandmother was one of the first I had to mention that I didn't want watching our children, she is quite advanced in age, with a bad hip, diabeties(which she continously forgets to administer her medication)oh and I almost forgot to mention that she has been under obvservation for more than once for purposely cutting herself. I also made it plain and clear to her that I have no trust for the person(who I though she only had an intrest in and not a full affair with) that she was seeing, I cannot trust a man that has cheated on his wife twice now, and has continually lied to my wife about his and his wife's relationship she is being snowed by this guy so bad, and I feel so bad for her because she says she left me because she doesn't want to be hurt ever again, and this guy is going to do just that too her. <BR> The third person I added to my list was her cousin who cannot keep CPS from taking her children away from here because of her pot use. The two uncles and her aunt she has in the same area I am undecided on since I do not know them.<BR> Now I need to give a bit of a back drop, my wife has an anger management problem, and she has on more than one occasion hit(not hard) our oldest son on the mouth, on the head, and on the back of his head. I am totally against this, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, talked to her about it, and thought she would never do it again.. But recently she did, about 3 weeks ago she hit our oldest son in the back of his head with a cassette tape he had ruined. This time my mother took action and called CPS, that night we took both of the boys out of the house. Although I probibly should have stood my ground, I couldn't bare keeping the kids from my wife, knowing she was frantically trying to find us. Again I sat her down and explained to her, CPS and I consider that child abuse, if you do it again I will have to take the children away until CPS investigates. <BR> Somehow we must have slipped through CPS's cracks because we have not even been contacted by them since my mother made that call. <BR> Which brings me to today, my two boys have been at my wifes/her grandmothers house for the last two days. On my way home, which is about a 2 hour drive, my son told me that mommy left our baby and her grandmother alone at the house. Now I'm granting the fact that most likely he was asleep, but still she went against what she promised to me, and something she said was that she would never lie where it concerned our children. At this point I have a hard time believing anything she tells me, after repeatedly lying to my face about her involvement, telling me to trust her, and that nothing was going on.. Well first I found out something was going on, but she assured me that she was not seeing anyone else, and the reason she was leaving was my fault alone, My trust there was crushed, the second time when I found email messages between the two she told me yes she was seeing someone else but they had never done anything, and that I should trust her.. Today that trust was crushed. She has done nothing but lie to me for the last 3 months and maybe even before then, so hopefully you could understand at this point I would trust a pathalogical lier long before I would trust anything coming from her mouth. <P>Now about month ago my mother and I found something out that frankly scared me. Apparently someone had told my son that police men were bad and to never trust them. Now this is quite frightening, if he were to ever get lost who is he to trust?<P>Today he told me that his uncle had told him that he should kill cops with his hands and feet. He also told that he had meet the OM, but then retracted that, so thats hard to decern. He also said his mother hit him, but again that is hard to decern because again he retracted his statement. And another retracted statement was that he met my wifes new boyfriend. Its hard to go by what a 3 year old says, especially since my son will say somethings that are just not true, but I will believe him far before my wife now.<P>At this point I have both of my children with me, but I have to figure out what to do before the weekend comes, my wifes parents plan on coming into town, so she wants the boys so they can spend time with them. But I also know she wants her parents to meet the OM, as he has already met her uncle and grandmother, and even had an affair in the house she plans on living with my children in.<P>So far she has broken all trust, and is now even breaking the promises she made to me about who our children can be cared for and who they can meet. I must make a descision, I've already made plans to sue for full custody, but in trying to resolve this without painful trails and such, I have offered to pay for any daycare she needs and file and pay for the divorce myself if she gives me primary custody. She says she is thinking about it, but I am pretty sure she has her own plans, I can see it in her eyes.<P>My question really, at this point should I reinvolve CPS? Do the situations above call for it? well obviously abuse does, but am I over reacting about her grandmother? and my kids meeting the OM? Should I let my wife take the children for the weekend, or should I stand my ground and make sure my children are safe from any wrongly or truly perseved harm?<BR>

First of all...I am very sorry for the way your life is going right now. I hav four sons, and my XW hit one while he was friving the car, at night, in the rain...he was 16 at the time, and not a very good driver...plus, has behavioral problems. An hour later, I'm trying to jack the car up in the mud with a friend looking at me like I'm the looney tune. It got worse, as you might well surmise, since I said Xw, and I camp out here. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME...<P>Can I say something to you, and you not get offended? Would you PLEASE QUIT DEFENDING EVERYBODY? Okay, your son is three...he needs no defense....my three year old (13 mow) had a friend named String...then he recanted. Look, three year olds have ZERO GUILE...the recant is because of your reaction...like this:<BR>Daddy, I met mommy's new boyfriend.<BR>[PUT ANY RESPONSE YOU WANT IN HERE---IT DOESN'T MATTER]<BR>You did? She told me she didn't have a boyfriend...<BR>He will look at your response...like I said...most any response that is not 'oh, really' and recant based on how you responded...PLUS, you know damend well she said 'don't tell your father about this'...oops! Leave that by the curb...don't go there with her...he pays...understand?<BR>Next, she sounds like a very lovely, and severely confused bag of mixed emotions...zero trustability, zero remorse...zero rational capacity...she'll consider giving you full custody...hey, that ain't fog she's in...I'd say she's planning to bolt on you...I'd be very careful about that. Document her inconsistencies...sounds like a possible psych factor with the anger management...SHE HIT A THREE YEAR OLD WITH A CASSETTE?<BR>If Grandma is inappropriate for daycare, so be it...no need to defend her...plus, she's a cutter...is this instability a big factor in your W's family?<BR>Finally, don't come here defending yourself...we aren't here to blast you...even though I seem to be. Would it be too forward of me to say that you want this to work, but it isn't working, and she is in no shape to come to the table now at all, her larger problems are absolutely huge, and not being worked on, and you feel like you have to follow her around, taking care of her boo-boos, and responsibilities while she ____________. (Fill it in in your own way, but...its always the same!)<P>You need to make things safe for you little man there, and its time that he sees what a man is, and does. I do know that most CPS organizations appreciate the fact that one comes in, and shows concern for the children. When my XW was threatening calling DCFS, I called then right after she left, and told them the whole scoop. They said there was no substance to her threat, and as long as I provided an adequate home for my children, they didn't want to know about me from her, or anyone else...plus, they said that by calling, I had already proven half of my case! You want what's best for him, right? Okay...then don't try to rationalize her behavior right now...she will get over herself, or not...that's not your concern, remember? Plus, she will be more impressed by your protecting him, than by getting into a bunch of LB behavior with her, and the OM, and her family. Hang in there....a good man is hard to find, but there are two here right now! God bless you -Mike<BR>Again, I'm sorry...I am. It stinks when you get the chance to prove your character, doesn't it?

Well I certainly will not defend my mistakes I've made in the 5 years of my marriage, And I am doing my best to make up what I can for them and to definantly make sure they do not happen again.<BR> I do plan on filing for full custody, but unfortunantly since I am still unemployed after being layed of by Motorola I have little chance of winning unless I bring CPS, and the proof and witnesses I have concerning my wifes affiar into it(but from what I hear infidelity isn't the stick it used to be). <BR> I am calling CPS again in the morning, and I will not to embelish anything that my son has told me, or what I've seen her do to my son. Over all I don't consider her a bad mother, but she should have never hit our son, and her resent string of decisions have left me spinning and trying to figure out who she is.<BR> Personally I really fear for how my children are going to turn out of inpart raised by her(with her new improved self) and the person she has chosen. Both have displayed that they cannot be trusted, she has been lying to me, and he has been lying not only to his wife, but to my wife as well.<BR>Anyways I'm starting to go over points I've already listed.. actually I ment to start out on an Anti-Me post.. I've made my mistakes.. I've ignored my family infavor of a game for a long time.. And I can understand her wanting to leave me for that, but they way she has done it rends at me, and leaves me not even trusting her with the well being of my children. I woke up one day and realized what I had done, and the pain was great. I suspect she may someday do the same, least I can only hope so she can return to being a loving mother instead of this cold vindictive person she has become.<BR>

FDH-WS,<P>I will blast you if you don't stop the whinning and get your children to safety. Call CPS, a lawyer, but get custody of those children and don't let your W or any of the other people describe near them until these very serious issues are settled.<P>Your marriage means squat compared to those kids. Now act like a man and protect them. Use CPS, police whatever, but protect them. These are little children. <P>This is serious stuff and frankly the marriage is not the issue until the children are properly taken care of.<P>God Bless You and Your Children,<P>JL

I called CPS early this morning before my kids could wake up so that they would not overhear anything. They, well mainly our oldest, has already overheard way to much of what is going on. Unfortunantly I have to now call the regional office in an hour or so, I have to try to get them both down for a nap before hand. I have a lawyer, and a counceller for my son, but not yet for myself.

I agree that you must do whatever it takes to get your children to safety. Your wife may not have hit them "hard" yet, but it's only a matter of time. Any person that would hit a three-year-old should not be around children. Furthermore, and maybe even more importantly, any woman who would hit her own children is not too likely to protect those children from other people. How many times have you read about children who were beaten to death by the mother's boyfriend?<P>A couple of years ago, I had the unfortunate experience of visiting a woman and her child at the hospital. The child was brain-dead but had not yet been taken off life-support. The mom's boyfriend had beat the child, a beautiful 12-month old girl, so severely that every internal organ had ruptured. The picture of the mother holding the baby will always be with me. There was another little girl at my son's day care who was blind and had seizures because the mother's boyfriend threw her against the wall.<P>If you have any doubts at all about taking your children away from your wife, go to the nearest children's hospital and visit an abused child.

Ok where here is the update on the situation. At this point now I cannot keep my children from my wife since it will hurt my case for custody later on. But CPS is investigating, and I did ask the case worker personally about that. She told me that until she meets my wife she cannot make any conclusions on whether my son actually has been hit since there are no bruises(Even if there was a bruise it took them 3 weeks to come see him). So I am still at square one, but I will request from my wife that I have the children at my house most of the time. I don't really think she is going to object, she cannot afford daycare or anything for that matter. Infact she had already told me she was going to have the children over the weekend because her parents were coming in town, but now that she found out they are not coming in till Monday she said, "You have the kids over the weekend right?" I certainly did not object she can go have her fun with her new boyfriend(as she already calls him) and I'll keep the children with me as much as possible to support and comfort them through these hard times.