An Ohio attorney here with questions I ususally answer for others, butr now I need help. I met a wonderful woman with three children. She had them late in life(I'm 48, she's 47 and the kids are 16, 12, and 7).We've talked about marriage in a couple years. Relationship I have with the kids seems fine. We differ on discipline, and I realize they are not my children, but I would be living with them. I am on the strict side and she on the permissive. To complicate things, her former husband is jealous, possessive, etc. and ignores the fact they are not married at times. He also doesn't like me, nor would he like any man in her life, and has made negative comments to the kids about me even we haven't met(I offered, he refused). Blended families are difficult-any suggestions from people that have been there-done that. Thanks, Lee<P>------------------<BR>

This can be very hard to over come unless you can agree and be consistant in how children are disiplined, It is important to never second quess the other person or critizize there methods, children especially step children will pick up on this and will tend to push to the limits. It took me many years to learn to except my EX disiplining my daughter.<P>

Well, coming from the XH (well soon to be) side of it. I can tell you I don't like and do not trust one bit the man my wife has a relationship with. But the circumstances are quite different. They started the affair at least a month before my wife told me she was leaving and he is also leaving his wife of 7 years and two children for my wife.<BR> I do think though, I could eventually trust someone she meets later on in life, but only if my wife gives me a reason to trust her sometime in the future, and its going to take a very long time. I could have dismissed all the lying and trust she broke with her affair in a short amount of time, but now she has also started lying on who has been watching the children when she has them and cannot.

To jabber-thank you. I agree with you. I accidentally posted this twice and have taken a lot of flack from one person that believes I should have no input. I believe my future wife and I must work together, be united and be consistent. I have responded to other accidental posting a few times and maybe it provides more insight to the situation. To FDH-WS, I have seen this many times and I understand your feelings. My hope is you will not do what this ex has done and not slam your wife or the man she is going to marry in front of the kids. No one says you have to like her, or him, but the kids are of paramount importance, and I'm sure you realize that. Of course, kids pick up on non-verbal communication as well. As far the lying by her, there is no excuse or justification and I would suggest you take action immediately before a wedge is formed between you and your kids. Kids need both parents. Best of luck to you.<P>------------------<BR>

I posted on your accidental post. My response is more in line here. Read the more in depth posting there.<P>If you are planning to marry and be a family you need to be able to discipline these children no matter what their ages. You and her need to provide an united front and support each other in this matter. Talk it over, compromise, come to an agreement and support each other. <P>