Hello everyone, greatings from San francisco, my remote home for the week. <P>My H is here! he called from the airport and is on his way here! To my hotel. To be with me. I am here on business and have been sad and missing him. I prayed to see him, and he is here. It gets better, he said this moringing, he was at a buddies house, picking something up and saw a house for sale, 4.2 acres and he is excited. wants me to see it right away when we get home. He wants to move!! Move from the house from hell!! away from the OW next door!! <P>I am so happy and so scared. Is all this to good to be true. Is he setting me up to fall big? if this is not true I will just die this time. <P>what do you think guys?<P>Michelle

If he actually goes ahead with a move, that would seem to be an awful lot of work to go to in order to set <I>anyone</I> up. Especially leaving a custom-built house...<BR>

I agree...that's a lot to put together for no apparent reason. His situation was 'better' before.<P>You have a lot at stake in this, I don't need to remind you of that, but second guessing his motives will not help anything. When we do that, we are already admitting defeat, and trying to 'feel foolish' ahead of the game. Step outside the experience, and go into the third person. It is where I am at in this, Michelle. It is actually better in this case that I don't know you, or your husband. It lets me be totally objective. From that vantage point I can share your enthusiasm, and tell you that I think it is best to take it all at face value. Besides, wouldn't you rather be positive, and wrong...than negative, and right?<P>When my XW dropped the bomb, I was already suspecting an affair with my friend. After a week, I asked her about it, and she deined it. I was sure that I was right...but I wanted to believe her, too. She still said that she wanted the divorce, etc. Two days after the divorce, I got my confirmation...I still feel AWFUL about it all. Being right did nothing whatsoever, save make me feel even worse. Throughout the time from the bomb to the divorce...and until now, I have taken the 'realistic view' that all was lost, and I'd never again be her friend, and lover. So far, I am right. I don't feel particularly clever, or right, or anything good about it.<P>The Bible says in several places words to the effect that God does not like 'double-minded men'...they are 'tossed about like the waves on the ocean', 'unstable in all their ways', etc. What this says to me...in my personal philosophy that combines God with our subconscious is this:<BR>If you consciously desire a thing, and are congruent in that desire, and it passes ecology checks, and is realistic...you will get your wish if you take the right actions, but...if you tell God (your subconscious) your desire, and yet second guess things too much, or don't take appropriate actions...God does not listen. (Your goal never gets to your subconscious) You will fail in this case.<P>Ever wonder why they call what you are doing being the 'devil's advocate'? Advocate has come to mean lawyer in modern times, but it comes from two Latin words, ad- meaning to, or toward, and the verb vocare, to call. The general meaning is to speak for. So, the 'other shoe', 'devil's advocate', or whatever you wish to call it, is not the clever self preservation mechanism that we think it is. My theory is that it is the 'inexplicable' cause of much of our suffering. <B>I know this is true for me.</B><P>You subconscious mind has no language, and therefore no guile. Second guessing your husband's motives implies that he is using guile with you...being deceptive. You are <I>un</I>consciously using guile in response. <I>If you want to change your situation, you must change what you do in your situation.</I> Your heart <B>no doubt</B> is telling you...<I>please quit doubting this.</I> Listen to your heart, not your head here.<P>If you find out later that he was dishonest, I will place an ad in 5 major newspapers stating that you were right all along, and that I was wrong! In exchange for that promise, I like to ask you to <B>fully accept</B> this as being true as presented.<P>Michelle, I remember your first post very well...and I enjoyed hearing your voice, and your laugh is infectious. I had a pleasant conversation with you, and I know that your husband must love you very deeply. Tell the devil to go to hell. God bless you both. -Mike

Hi Michelle, First of all thank you for your wonderful words of support on my threads recently...they helped me a lot and I just wanted you to know that.<P>Well, this IS good news!!! If it were me, I'd be very encouraged, and take it as it is. I agree it's too elaborate a plan to just sucker you, if he actually MEANS what he says. And I think he does, because from what you've said recently, he seems to be trying hard with you.<P>And getting on a plane to see you, oh that is so sweet. I know how that feels...years ago, when we were just dating, I went home for the weekend. At 12 at night, he came to the door, came straight after work to see me. He was supposed to get there the next day. Oh he was such a sweet guy. I've got a photo of him from that night, my favourite photo, because he looked so content, and happy just being with me.....ah memories! Wonder if he remembers that??? <P>But back to you....be your own sweet self too, and keep on Plan A'ing cos it seems to be working for you. Great stuff, as we say in Oz!<P>I probably will be a bit quiet today, gotta do stuff and I have visitors tonight, maybe I'll check in really late this evening. Let us know how it's going if you can.<P>Love, Jacky <P><BR>