As I have read these posts and I see all of the questions and commonalities, I can help but ask: Is it possible that some people are just evil? That is, when we ask, why did they do it are we eliminating the possibility that they just dont care who gets hurt, only want what they want, and damn anyone else? Am I wrong? Afterall, the gunman who robs a bank and kills someone in the act is acting selfishly and without regards to who is hurt. I would consider that person evil? Just something I was thinking about...perhaps sociopath wasnt exactly the best choice, but then again neither is divorce.<P>

Self-absorbed. They only see their own pain and don't relate to anyone else's. They only see what they want, and can't anticipate anyone else's needs. Especially if it would mean compromising something that they want.<P>Rocks!!<P>Anne

I think you can put two perfectly good things together and come up with something bad. Ammonia and Clorox. <P>If that's the case in a marriage, although neither party is abusive, somebody who breaks that situation isn't necessarily selfish, nor is somebody who wants to hold it together necessarily correct. Either could be right or wrong. Religion and society may pull us in different directions. In the end, if one person doesn't want to keep a marriage together, for whatever reason, the other will eventually have to learn to accept whatever situation results. <P>But in the real world, most disintegrations involve OP ... and that's a shame.

I think for my wife it is that.. We got married way to young.. She was 18 and I was 21. Since that time she devoted herself to being a wife and mother when our first was born. I think now she just wants to do what she wants to do, and doesn't realize what she is putting myself and our children through. She states that her children are her life, my rebuttle is that if they were then she wouldn't have needed another man to replace me before she asked for a divorce. I'm not diminishing my wifes love for her children, but it seems she has put them second to herself for the time being.

I think most W/s are selfish. They are not Content with themselves for what ever reason and therefore can not really be happy. Selfish people dont care who they hurt-their kids-spouse-parents even themselves. It all centers around the me-I want-Im not happy-Evil is not the correct discription though i do understand why you could see it that way. W?S make a choice and dont seem to think of the harm they could do to themselves. Damn the consequences. My W/s and O/M are teachers at same Mid-High (9 & 10 grade). My daughter informed me of all the kids at school talking about her mom and O/M having an affair. Now if the kids are talkin about it. You have to figure the grown-up Teachers are talkin too. These two boneheads didn't give a consideration to my daughter who attends the school, both could be fired if the administration found out,and neither one was smart enough to stop it. In fact they have had an EA for over a year and I know a PA at least 8 months. So selfish yes Sociopaths-I dont think so,

I truly believe there are just evil & mean people in the world. My X is not happy unless he is making someone else miserable. He enjoys seeing someone else in pain so he can get his laughs. Thanks to wonderful friends, I beat him at his game. Everytime he said or did something ugly, I would not show any emotion and I just told the girls, lets brainstorm and think of another way.<P>I remember the first Thanksgiving after I left, I didn't have any kitchen appliances. I wanted to borrow the mixer to make pies, he wouldn't let me. I told the girls, no problem, we will go buy one. I wanted to borrow the lawn chairs to take them to the Thanksgiving parade, he wouldn't let me. I told the girls, we can just sit on the curb, get McDonald's and drink hot chocolate. He wouldn't even give me one of their beds to sleep in when they came to live with me. I just went out & bought an air mattress. We pretended we were having a slumber party in the apartment. And it was during the winter, they even got sick a few times from sleeping so low to the ground. At one time he wouldn't let my oldest daughter get her band uniform out of the house and he had changed the locks. I said don't worry, I'll figure something out. The next day, I called in sick, got a key from the real estate agent because we had to put the house up for sale, and not only did I take that band uniform, I rented a u-haul and took the mixer, lawn chairs, 4 plates, pots & pans, towels, sheets, etc. I still left him with a lot of stuff and only took what I needed for basic cooking. Then I messed with him and hid his police guns under the bed in the house. He called the police and told them I broke into the house, stole his guns and I was put in the back of the police car. I said you are more than welcome to search my car and my apartment, but I do not have his guns. I told them as far as the rest of the stuff it is community property (according to Texas law) until we go to court, you can not arrest me because I have not committed a crime. They knew I was right and apologized for the inconvenience,were very embarassed and let me go.<P>The best lesson learned here is we beat him at his own game, held our heads high and figured out a way to do what we wanted. We survived and that was 2 years ago and today these girls are stronger than ever.

Omigosh! RobC!! Thank God I read this. Now I can sleep! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RobC:<BR><B>Is it possible that some people are just evil? That is, when we ask, why did they do it are we eliminating the possibility that they just dont care who gets hurt, only want what they want, and damn anyone else?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I just had another long IM with me STBx who just did not care that he had hurt me for the 1000th time by lying to me this week.<P>He is a dianosed sociopath - so I had to stop on this post. <P>Thank you, thank you. And, yes! They are truly evil - self absorbed - and the very worst part . . . they blame their victims for their behavior. It is a sick, twisted existence trying to care for and please someone who says they love you, but acts like they hate you.<P>You hang in there. I will do the same.<P>------------------<BR>Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig!

A good definition of a sociopath.....My STBXW fits almost all of these to a tee.<BR> <A HREF="http://home.datawest.net/esn-recovery/artcls/socio.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://home.datawest.net/esn-recovery/artcls/socio.htm</A>

I was looking for the word to describe my H. Evil is not the word for him. He shows no remorse for anything he has done. He does it over and over with the same result. Time to get out, that is all I have to say.

<B>Catamount</B> thank you for that link. I found that immensely helpful!<P>Ciao,<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen