<BR>on my boyfriend. We were planning our first weekend together where neither of us would have our kids (I have two, he has one) and had plans, I thought, for a specific event. Since there was another couple involved in the plans, I figured they were pretty solid. I even managed to get comp tickets to the event through pulling some strings at work. I was just going to tell him this, when ...<P>He said "I'm going to be gone all next weekend" and then waited for my reaction. I was sitting in front of him, facing away, so he didn't see my face. He went on to explain that there was a weekend trip, canoeing, camping, a guys-only thing that doubled as a bachelor party, and there would be no women (yeah right, except at the nudie bar!!) but lots of drinking and you know, guy stuff. He waits. I say nothing. He says "Are you mad?"<P>Now I should have said "I am disappointed, because I wanted to spend time with you, but I'm not mad" ... but I didn't. I just said "No" and a few minutes later (still facing away from him) he asked me what's wrong a few times, and I shrugged it off with a "nothing" and a "I've gotta go" ...<P>I know I should not have dismissed my feelings. I could have left him feeling that I didn't care that I wasn't going to see him, or that I was so upset about being cut out of his plans that I didn't even want to talk about it. But at the moment I just didn't want to open up at all.<P>I am worried that the more serious this relationship gets, the more I will emotionally detach from him, until we get to the point where he is ready to open up to me and I will be sealed off like a vault.

Hi there, <P>You seem so sad that you may have LB'd, but if you did, it could have been a lot worse....you could have yelled, given him a look to kill, told him flat out,no he can't go....you see? You didn't do SO bad. Maybe call him and exprss in the nicest possible Plan A voice how you feel about him cancelling the weekend with you. "I feel disappointed that we can't have that weekend together as we planned. Can we make a date for another?" You could begin with an apology for your first reaction to the news. <P>I received this email, and thought it appropriate to send to you, and I hope it makes you smile. It was called "The Secret Language of Women" It's directed to men, I think, but still worth a look!<P>Fine : <BR>This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.<BR> <BR>Five minutes: <BR>This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your rugby game on TV is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so I feel that it's an even trade. <P>Nothing: <BR>This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". <P>Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): <BR>This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". <P>Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): <BR>This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. <P>Loud Sigh: <BR>This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal <BR>statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are <BR>an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". <P>Soft Sigh: <BR>Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually undestand. She is content.Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. <P>Oh: <BR>>This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or,"Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. <P>She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. <P>"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them. <P>That's Okay: <BR>This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow and "Go Ahead" At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. <P>Please Do: <BR>This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". <P>Thanks: <BR>A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. <P>Thanks A Lot: <BR>This is very different to "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really pissed off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". <BR>

Nina thanks for the definitions I would love to send that to a few guys I know......<BR>Anyhow I would have just explained my feelings and be open. I know that is the hardest thing for most of us to do but, the other person won't know you really know you unless you are open. I happen to learn that the hard way and it sucks. <BR>wishing you well<BR>Janet

your communication is starting to break down so tell him...<BR>your disappointed.<BR>It won't change his plans but his response you may like.<P>Your in control.