I'm still reeling from a call received Thursday night (it's now Saturday morning) from the other woman. My husband and I are separated, but have been working on the relationship this summer--- he had agreed to not date others during a six week period, at least, to figure out our relationship. He says he loves me and wants to work at this. He said he had not been dating others. <P>"She" called and told me she is seeing him, pointed out days, times, since she knew about the 6 weeks agreement. She also told about another woman. Turns out she talked to this third woman before she called me. She went on and on about the plans she and my husband have and are making for a life together. That they have bonded, that he pursued her for many years, that he hasn't divorced me so far because he wants to keep the money and he just wants to keep me hanging on. She said that his strategy has been to date me and see me every once in a while to keep up my hopes and be sure that I don't file for divorce. She told about this third woman and how he had lied to that one saying he was divorced. <P>This woman is a piece of work, even called me at work on Friday. I kept asking her what she wanted from me and why she was calling me. She said that her integrity demanded that she make sure I know that she didn't break up my marriage, that he pursued her. (She said she'd heard that I blamed her through mutual friends.) We do not travel in the same circles, she lives 30 miles away--- to my knowledge, I don't think I know any of the same people she knows, other than thru him.<P>After she called me, I called him. He denied some of the things she said, but overall said there was grain of truth in what she said. He also admitted that he has seen this third woman during this 6 weeks also. He still wants to see me and says he loves me.<P>There are lots more details and when I start writing them down I begin to see that I have been a fool, that she's probably right about a lot of the things she said. Also, and more importantly, I believe that her motive is to get me and the other woman out of the picture. I'm beginning to believe that she deserves him!<P>I should say also that I've told him all along that I haven't been dating any one else. I find it hard to look for someone else until I know this is done and the marriage is over.<P>I'm living a soap opera!!!!!<P>

Logondd,<BR>Sorry you are going through this pain. That OW has no class<BR>and you are right. Her only goal is to get you to divorce your H (because for what ever reason he has not), and to get the third woman out of the picture. BUT unfortuantly for the OW if she was "the one" in your H's eyes, he would not have a 3rd OW, so she needs a major wake up call. BUT this is your marriage, and you have to decide what you can live with...forget the other players..your H is straight up lying to you..this was the part of A I could not deal with. When MY H came clean..I never believed anything that came out of his mouth. too a point that I hired a guy to give him a lie detector (cost 250.00) worth every penny. I needed to KNOW the truth. Now I was able to move forward with the facts. If I ever "doubt" him again..I will give him another lie detector. as many as I need too...HE BROKE the trust in our marriage...not me. Money is a big factor in my H working on our marriage too (we also have 3 kids)..he had one infidelity (one too many). I dont know if you have kids. BUT you need to make decisions for YOU at this point. Your H is not being honest with you...and you need to set boundries so you will not be hurt. First boundry<BR>is to get an order of protection fron this stupid OW...calling you at home is one thing...BUT AT WORK...is harrassment...if she calls again...tell her that her calls are only making you want to stay with H...that she is swaying your decision towards reconcilment...because she is so deranged and desparte you believe your H. maybe that will make her stop. I know this had to be a very difficult blow to find out about H, but has he had other A's..it seems strange that all of a sudden he has 2 OW...maybe he is a sex addict?...I dont know anything about that..but have read it here on these boards. OR maybe (My H and I have seen this with alot of friends) when the man starts to make alot of money..it kinda goes to their heads, and women come after THEM and the ego cant say NO...this happens alot...dumb men they forget they have a wife and kids at home, that were there while they were making their "money"..and in most states 1/2 belongs to them...of course they think they will never get caught..but 9 out of 10 times the OW will call and try to break up the marriage...always backfires...<BR>YOU need to take care of you, your H has not protected you..you protect you. Tell your H to put a leash on that classless OW..and tell him you want nothing to do with his extracircular activities...You need to decide what you want out of this relationship...and then you need to find out what your H is really willing to do. living apart is not going to work in your case since he is on a dating spree (during the no dating zone). you have a tough one...hope you are in marriage counceling..if not at least individual so you can get stronger...(((huggs))) I hope thing will work out, and I hope that stupid OW gets what she deserves....sorry for the typos...I have a 18 month old running around here...Take care MC

The OW called me too. Well, actually she got a friend to do it the first time, because my h was on a business trip and she didn't know. So guess she was mad at him, and so decided to get to me.<P>I also believe she was calling me to break us up. She called herself his girlfriend and called me a slut for sleeping with my own h, she told me all sorts of horrific things he said to her and said she still saw him....all this before I got the sense to hang up on her. She called lots, and we got our number changed.<P>H denied he was still with her, but of course now I have my doubts....<P>Yes it is an awful thing for her to do...she feels threatened, so you feel good about THAT!<P>Good luck!!!

Logondd,<P>You could go to Plan B..and tell him as long as their are<BR>OW you will not see him..except in relation to any children..<P>You could also tell him as long as he is sleeping w/ OW you will not have sex w/ him..because<P> 1. if she is sleeping w/ one married man how many other married men might she be sleeping with?<P>2. How many other people in general is she sleeping with?<P>3. You do not wish to sleep with all those unknown people for your health's sake..<P>4. Does he comprehend that as he has sex w/ these other women he's having sex w/ every other person she is having sex w/ and all the other ppl they are having sex with??<P>and I'd recommend that you tell him to get tested for any possible diseases..(and get yourself tested) just to be safe...explain to him that you married him..and only wish to make love to him..and not have sex w/ all of these other ppl..and if you had chosen to continue to want to have sex with a bunch of other ppl then you'd have remained single..<P> 5. How can HE trust that she is not having sex with others?<BR> if she is so willing to have sex w/ him a married man??<BR> knowing he's also having sex w/ his wife??? and apparently ANOTHER OTHER WOMAN???<P>Maybe that will wake him up to do some thinking about his actions..yes..it's pretty scary to think about...but it's something you as the wife who wants to save her marriage needs to think about..and something he as an adult needs to think about..as well...there are some pretty deadly diseases out there...<P>

Thanks for the fabulous support. As always things are very complicated and too much so to post all the details here. We are separated so he feels he has a right to date anyone he wants. However, when it's been time to get the divorce filed, he has stopped the proceedings and said he loves me, wants to try again at our relationship. As for the sex, I'm beginning to wonder about the sex addict idea. He doesn't think it's a problem since we are separated. He now carries condoms in his billfold, which I saw accidently this past weekend. <P>I called him about the phone calls and he denied some of the things but then said, there's a grain of truth in what OW says. He also blames me for the third woman finding out that in fact he isn't divorced yet, cause she thinks he's a liar now. During the course of a 3 hour conversation he admitted a variety of lies. For a while I thought I was listening to Bill Clinton's tale of woe---- his definition of sex, of dating, of seeing others, of divorce vs. separation, etc. and on and on. <P>By the end of this weekend, I realized that I am ready for it to be over. I'm tired of the game playing and lies. As all of you have said and I see often on this board, I'm ready to take care of my self..... It's an interesting thing I observed in myself and that I shared last week with my counselor, I tended to be more interested in taking care of my looks and well being, when we aren't seeing each other, when I'm looking forward to divorce, and when I am being strong, than when I think there might be a chance that we will get back together based on his crying and lies. I know that I'm strong enough to go forward this time. <P> No kids, 55 years old, but a good job, lots of friends and family that support and love me. I'm really burned out on men at this point so don't imagine that it'll be soon for me to get back in the dating scene. Yuk! How do you even do it? And to imagine having sex with someone else after 29 years of marriage, well, I guess I'll have new adventures!

loondd,<P>no kids? file it and get it over with. . . . you don't have any reason to spend that much time at your age in dealing with a manipulative spouse. . . . just my opinion from being here for 1 1/2 years, and knowing what i know about WS. . .<P>good luck, <P>you have the ability to have a fine life without him, so just work up the courage, and live the life you deserve.<P>WIFTTy<P>

logondd, Wow, it's great to find someone even older than me on this forum (I just turned 50). Do you think this could be a mid-life crisis for your H? Has he done anything like this before during your marriage? Are you in any kind of marriage counseling, or individual counseling if your H won't participate? I know that feeling of living a soap opera!<P>My H moved out and in with a 22 year old, married employee of ours and felt justified that he wasn't "cheating" because he move out first... My H pursued her as well, but after 8 months of living together, their relationship has ended, for the most part. <P>I don't know for sure that they won't get back together, but the extreme age difference doesn't bode well for them. She is currently back with her H and 4 year old D. Since your H is having 2 other relationships, I would assume neither is that important to him. <P>Your not a fool to trust your H. He has violated your trust.<P><<I tended to be more interested in taking care of my looks and well being, when we aren't seeing each other, when I'm looking forward to divorce, and when I am being strong, than when I think there might be a chance that we will get back together based on his crying and lies. >> I know exactly how you feel!