Wow, he has really self-destructed and thrown his life away.<P>My sons went to dad's to swim today. I wondered if he was going to throw them together with the OW today since he's never had them over to his place before, but she played Casper and disappeared for the afternoon.<P>Well, I was on line typing an e-mail to one of my good MB friends and my oldest son came in to tell me something about what he saw in the closet. I told him not to be a spy but he really wanted to tell me. He told me dad's GF had some bathing suits hanging in the closet and he said they weren't the cool kind like I wear (I know he probably meant they were one-pieces). He said they were like old lady bathing suits and he said he thinks dad's GF is not skinny like me too because the stomach on the suits stuck out to here (arms extended out in front of him). Well, told him to go to bed and got a chuckle that I have a better figure than my X's OW has. Then it dawned on me that these could be maternity suits, just by the way my son accentuated the stomach size on them!<P>As far as I know, they are not married yet. She hasn't changed her name and I've never seen a ring on him. I'm just floored, really. He had an affair with a younger woman who was basically "me" before we had kids. Working girl, fun, wanting to go out and do stuff, traveling, free. Now I believe she's pregnant, I really do, and I can't wait to see how this plays out. I talked to his mom and she thinks it won't last long because he had this already and left it for the free life. This is so sweet.<P>I guess I do have one question to anyone who's been in this spot before: if they get married and have a baby, does it change anything on my end as far as support goes? Right now that's all I care about, making sure that my kids don't lose anything.<P>You know it's sad. One of the things he was accusing me of (so very wrongly, but hey I guess he needed a justification) was that all I wanted from him was his money. I WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT ALL AWAY TO KEEP US TOGETHER!! But now, ya, that's all I care about from him. Sad.<P>Toodles.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Interesting dilema but forgive me if Im skeptical. My mother sang the same tune and I never saw one red cent of the child suppport my father paid her, she used it to buy cars and jewlry. Due to my personal experience with what some (i said some not all) do with their "child support", seeing a post such as yours doesnt inspire the best of feelings. However, he is still obligated to pay what is agreed, it doesnt matter if he has more children or not. So you need not fret over it.<P>PS...just because he has moved on doesnt exactly mean he has "thrown his life away". <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>just wanted him for his money<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>I said the same thing to my ex when I kicked her out...but one only had to compare our credit reports to see the truth in that statement....<P><p>[This message has been edited by UnNecessary (edited August 12, 2001).]

First Unness,<BR>sorry you think your mom just bought cars and jewelery w/ your child support...did you guys live in a tent..or a box...did she hunt for your food?...then she used that money to help pay for those things...and I am sorry you never had clothes. and you probably never did anything fun..just stayed at home and looked at the wall. and as far as "seeing the money"...it is not for the parent to "give it" to the child..it is to pay for the home , elec, clothing, food...etc.. but your mom was a real winner not providing any of that for you...sorry<P>Weirded out,<BR>they only way the child support could be affected, is if she files for it too..your kids would get a higher amt then the OC (first marriage)...so yours could get lowered based<BR>on his income. if they marry it should not affect it...strange how that works...check out the pregnant board they know all the rules...<BR>It will be funny to see if she gets her "figure" back...and how much "fun" she will be with a crying baby all night...too bad too sad for your XH....guess he is starting ALL over again...good luck

Actually mom got the house in the divorce settlement also, so no she didnt use the money for a house payment.<P>As far as food goes, well I suppose I may have consumed what....20 to 30 dollars a week in food?<P>As far as clothes go...she used to say "ask your dad", then I would go ask my dad and he would tell me he was paying her child support for that stuff and mom was supposed to buy it for me.<P>Meanwhile she was driving around in brand new convertible cars and wear genuine Mink coats......<P>I can remember going into the kitchen to get somthing to eat and only being able to find a half a jar of penut butter, some moldy bread...milk two days past the expiration date....and end up having a moldy penut butter sandwich and near sour milk for lunch...<P>I was sooo excited when i got to actually eat a can of campbells spagetti and meat balls. I thought it was the greatest.!!<P>When I turned 16 i got my own job, bought my own car, paid my own way (college included), and never looked back.<P>But unless my fathers child support was 30 dollars a week...and I know it was way more than that I fail to see what point you are trying to make with that sarcastic tone.<P>Lots of women do piss away child support money on self serving pursuits and thats a fact.<p>[This message has been edited by UnNecessary (edited August 12, 2001).]

Ok, so what does this have to do with what I posted? Hmm?<P>I have to admit, UnN, I guess I didn't get the point of anything you wrote. You are jumping to conclusions and know nothing about me. I am not your mother and nothing like your mother. My kids are my life - in fact I don't have a life, an adult one anyway. When I get an extra ten bucks, I run out and spend it on them. I drive a crappy car that's always in the shop breaking down. And no I didn't care one iota about my X's money when we were married, other than the fact I had to rely on it since I was an at-home mom which was a decision made by both of us. His accusal of me loving his money was his grasping at justification for all his many MANY constant affairs from the very beginning of our marriage 20 years ago. Of course, that had nothing to do with HIM did it, it had to be my fault that he couldn't be faithful. I was always faithful and totally in love with him from the beginning until he left, which by the way he did after moving me to another state where I knew no one. Give me a break.<P>He's not moving on. He has no life now, no friends, his family has disowned him, and so has hers. His coworkers think he stinks. He has abandoned his children, saw them 3 times this year and he only lives 20 minutes away. Dumped everyTHING on me, the kids, the dogs, the bills, a "gift" from his screwing around, and tried to pull every trick in the book at court to give me nothing. He wanted to be "free" and told me all about this girl, how she offered freedom. She worked, made money, travels, responsible for only herself. It's what he wanted, freedom and no responsibilities. Now she possibly is pregnant, and all she is is me 9 years ago. He's got twice as much responsibility now than before. No he hasn't "moved on". He's only with this one because she's the one I found out about - I wouldn't call that moving on. The only thing concrete in his life is his children that he doesn't give the time of day, the rest is only situations occurring around him.<P>When I say he's thrown his life away, I'm actually repeating my MIL's sentaments about her own son, and she's told him so. His own father did the VERY same thing to his mother and him, but I guess when you don't learn you repeat.<P>I'm sorry you feel how you do about your mother. I don't know if your feelings are just another byproduct of divorce in general or not, and I can only pray for my children to grow up with healthy attitudes. Most of us here talk it out when we're angry at the X's and try our best not to poison the children in the process. So if we whine and cry here, it's ok. This is a safe place to air hurt, so that when we turn to our children, hopefully we won't say things like what you expressed that your mom said to you.<P>And after all is said and done, the OW may just be a little chunky and not pregnant afterall (me jumping to conclusions). Time will tell.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Ohio attorney here. States were required by the federal government to adopt support guidelines. They differ in application and sometimes in formula, but are pretty much the same. I disagree with a previous post. If he has another woman pregnant(not much to go no yet) and she files for support, her amount would be reduced because of his support obligatin to you. If he then filed to modify his support to you, yours could be lowered because the support he is paying her would be reduced from his income for support to you(no, thisis not a never ending cycle). However, if he was married to her and they have a child, he could still modify support downward just for having another child with a new wife. My experience tells me any decrease would not significant. On child support, most of my clients are women. I don't belileve support is ever spent in a self-serving way by the custodial parent. Under the guidelines there is a specific amount determined to be necessary and technically both parents pay. Just because suppport does not go directly to purchasing clothing for a child, if the child is properly clothed, the money is directly or indirectly still providing support for the child. The money has to come from somewhere. Not to mention some costs of raising a child are fixed such as rent or mortgage. If your kids are taken care of and their needs met, no accounting for how you spend support money is ever necessary. I always gt a chuckle out of men that want custody because it would be cheaper than paying support. If child support was all that was ever used to support children, they would go hungry or naked. Lee

Thank you Lee,<P>I guess it sounds cold that all I care about him right now is for his support money - but I'm past the divorce now, past the crying, I'm the one who has moved on and just want to make sure he doesn't snake his way out of providing for his kids even tho he doesn't bother with them at all. You would not believe how much shinanigans he went thru during the divorce to get out of paying me anything at all.<P>In my case, I still haven't gotten back to work. I'm waiting for the kids to start school before I start interviewing. Likely I will have a pretty low paying job starting right back at the beginning. They both have high paying careers. The judge here in this county is very conservative and the men hate him. I was lucky enough to have him and he really looked out for us and didn't let my X get away with anything (as well as the Friend of the Court, which was also on to him and did let him know it).<P>Lee, better be careful and tip toe around here because if the word gets out about you, let's just say you are going to be very popular. But I do thank you very much.<P>Be happy.<P><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Hey girl!<P>OW pregnant???? Wow, she will be getting a taste of the hell you have been through, huh? I vote that she is really just FAT! <P>Now, Kathy, your lack of stretch marks is so intimidating to all us moms. Don't be getting the big head now that we have discovered how much hotter you are than she is! But we knew that anyway, huh? Our OW are skanky trash as we know.... <P>I really like her disappearing act. Not sure how I feel about the ex though. Either he's protecting the boys or himself. We both know it's about him, not her anyway. So did the boys pee on the seat????<P>As for the child support issue, I have always heard that the FIRST family (meaning you and the boys) always wins out over second families. Good thing you got a lawyer's input though. <P>I will take your advice about the child support thing and ask my lawyer in the am. Still haven't signed anything, so I'm ok.<P>Now I must get on my soapbox, Kathy. You have REALLY got to stop blowing that child support at Victoria Secret's and supporting your boyfriends!!!! Those poor boys are suffering so much from your neglect. WHATEVER!!!!! <P>I really take offense at someone who knows NOTHING about you judging you as a mother. You are a wonderful mother and have been such an inspiration to me!<P>Have fun on your trip with the boys and wear life vests at all times (the mother coming out in me). I'll email you and let you know what happens tomorrow.<P>UnNeccessary: <BR>Your childhood issues have nothing to do with Kathy's posts. I'm sorry if you feel you were jipped out of a childhood because your mom blew the child support money. But you know, labeling all moms that way is a great disservice to the majority. <P>TM<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Due to my personal experience with what some (i said some not all) do with their "child support", seeing a post such as yours doesnt inspire the best of feelings. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Trapped Mom:<P>Another great example of not reading the full post...who is the one jumping to conclusions here? All I said was that SOME women blow the support money and that upsets me because ultimately it is the CHILDREN who suffer...I never JUDGED or even made too much of a blanket generalization...<P>As far as what it has to do with her specific post...I was nearly responding to <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>One of the things he was accusing me of (so very wrongly, but hey I guess he needed a justification) was that all I wanted from him was his money. I WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT ALL AWAY TO KEEP US TOGETHER!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>because (although this particular person may be sincere) it sounded EXACTLY like the BS my mom used to fake when someone was onto her little scheme.<P>Now as far as this:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Not to mention some costs of raising a child are fixed such as rent or mortgage. If your kids are taken care of and their needs met, no accounting for how you spend support money is ever necessary.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>Bear:<P>Well I am a home owner...and my house payment didnt magically go up the moment I brought an infant into the home...neither did the utilities, taxes, or anything else. All i noticed was a small increase in the grocery bill. So how can you count the cost of rent or mortgage etc etc. as part of the "EXPENSE" of raising a child...it is simply rubbish. I would have those exact same bills either way. And whos' definition of "needs being met" are you using? The one that says as long as their not dying in the streets your a good parent? Im sorry, but feeding a kid left over crap and letting him wear two year old shoes just doesnt cut it!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In my case, I still haven't gotten back to work. I'm waiting for the kids to start school before I start interviewing <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>Even as bold as my mom was I dont remember a time when she could afford not to work? That sounds like you are taking advantage of the "child support" right there. I realize day care is expensive as I am paying it now...but you still have more money working than not working on near minimum wage salary, not to mention the fact that if your that bad off.....you can get assistance from the county you live in for as much as 75% of the day care cost. If you need information on this Id be glad to help because my girlfriend was getting the assistance before I took her into my home.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Likely I will have a pretty low paying job starting right back at the beginning. They both have high paying careers. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>And it is somehow their FAULT that they have high paying careers and you dont? You almost make it sound like they owe you somthing extra because they have good jobs. Not to be sarcastic...but just because someone has a career and doesnt agree with how much you want them to pay doesnt mean they are trying to "get away" with anything. People should not be viewed as criminals for being successful....neither should their good fortune be plundered because you didnt go to college or have any skills. If you want to blame someone..point the finger at yourself for not studying or working.<P>What does "back at the beginning" mean...have you not been working.....? For crying out loud who can afford not to have been working in todays society? Id consider myself fortunate to have a week to stay home with Austin...much less anything more than that. <P>I am sure your a good mom..but you really will not get the politically correct sympathy here. I can see that you are playing the "victim" when you should be working and making it yourself the way millions of single moms much less fortunate than yourself have to do every day.<P>See <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/003950.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>for a small example of what women go through. My girlfriend was left homless, pregnant, no family support, and working at food lion and didnt complain half as much as you.<P>Having said that...this is the place to "vent" and certainly dont blame you for that....I am just not sure I agree with you as to the severity of your situation.<p>[This message has been edited by UnNecessary (edited August 14, 2001).]

Wow you're kind of a POS aren't you.<P>I never said my case was severe. I live in a beautiful home and always have because we both worked hard to get here (before kids). Until now, I've been riding this out with the help of family, both his and mine. I quit working to raise the kids, like dear hubby wanted. I made really good money before that for a long time and it stopped with the kids. Neither of us has a college education, but he advanced pretty darn far and it wasn't totally on his own, while I learned Barney toons and went braindead, all with the understanding that this was a temporary thing til they were older, and even then I wasn't going back full time because that is how we agreed kids should be raised. We had the means. If you have the means to avoid daycare, why would we not raise our own kids. It is now my intention that they have a decent life as they have always had and just because dad abandons them, he's not going to walk away into the sunset and leave me holding the bag.<P>And yes he did try to get away with something. You are new here and have no idea. He works for a friend who "layed him off" and then hired him back as a consultant so he could hide his income, and then he took me to court claiming unemployed and that he couldn't pay child support, when he was actually making as much probably more than I thought he was. That's just one example! He was constantly bringing me in to court with one claim after another, all lies. And I have a right to be angry at the OW. She intruded into my family. She saw his salary and latched right on to him and you also have no idea of the manipulation that went on there. Well, he did let her, but it was all right out of the affair handbook and it was all very dirty.<P>Let me repeat this, I am not your mother, I am not your ex-wife. I was the faithful one in our marriage. I was not a spend thrift (H was, he was a gadget guy and had to have all the best and biggest of everything like a da## biggest bestest riding lawnmower for our little suburban lawn, not to mention his many "business" trips that weren't really that cost us big time and put us so far into debt we had to get a second mortgage). My kids get everything I can possibly provide them, before I do. All I can say is that I was the one who was wearing the same clothes and shoes for 9 years - mostly because I hate shopping, but I ALWAYS shopped for them first (and hubby when he was with us) before myself. I don't have jewelry (one $5 watch my son got me for Xmas and 3 pairs of $3 earrings). This doesn't even bother me, I'm happy with my stuff. I AM angry at what he's done and how he's wasted my life and PUT MY HEALTH AT RISK. Well, not really even angry anymore. I did love him heart and soul before I had any idea of his double life. We were a Christian family trying to do the right thing and teach the kids decent values. It wasn't until after he left and I found out the extent of his constant cheating from day 1 that I lost all feelings for him. There is no BS here, there are no lies here. I would have given it all away to save our marriage and tried. We moved to another state for a huge raise in his income and when I found out about the affair, I pleaded with him to give it up and go back to his old job where we came from. Again, before I found out about all the other affairs. <P>Oh ya, and it is a hoot that I can still wear a bikini and she can't - but you have to know him (Mr. popularity in high school, jock, cheerleader toy, all around hot stuff) to understand why. The problem is that I should have known better 20 years ago when I met him.<P>Ya, I get a boatload of alimony and child support right now. Do you want me to apologize? I don't get enough to handle the house and kids and thankfully I don't have a car payment other than fixing it, but when I get to work we'll be fine. I simply asked a question if anyone knew what the laws were regarding child support if there is an OC in the picture. I don't remember looking for your sympathy or anyone's. Sorry if you misinterpreted it that way. I've been on this forum going on 2 years this fall, other people know about me and what has happened to me along the way, you don't. Next time I need to cry on someone's shoulder tho, I'll definitely steer clear of your judgmental self.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy<p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited August 15, 2001).]

Hiya Kathy,<P>You don't need to explain NUTHIN to that jerk! You're a swell gal doing a GREAT job under less than ideal circumstances. That dude needs to log onto <A HREF="http://www.Ihatemama.com" TARGET=_blank>www.Ihatemama.com</A> or sumthin......I don't think this board can help him.<P>I don't know diddly about child support, but I'm wishing you the very, very best!<P>Xman

Hi XMAN,<P>Thank you. I shouldn't have to defend myself and don't know why I bothered. I think if he wants to debate whether women deserve child support or not, he can start up his own post - but he sure put me in a neat little package with a label on it.<P>XMAN, I think I hear banjo music ... oh wait! That must be you again!! Why is it everytime I read your posts, that happens?? By the way, we went to a music store and it was the banjos that had my youngest son completely amazed. He loves them. Thanks again.<P>Ashley, , my little stinkers were good boys except they have a cat and my oldest terrorized it (he hates cats). They had a great time and I hope X decides they are worth the time. I'll mail you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

WOW Kathy!<P>That's freaky! I almost put a PS on my post to say, that if any of your young uns ever aspire to be a hillbilly banjer picker, you oughtta encourage him/her!! Wasn't sure you'd remember about me and my banjo, tho...LOL<P>But, heck yeah, encourage him! Gotta get the next generation of pickers started NOW!! Shucks, I'm in Va.....you're midwest, right? I've always got a few young students under my wing at any given time.....none of em fly in for their lessons, tho LOL. Hey, they have lots of instructional banjo pickin videos you can buy em.......better get yourself a BIG bottle of aspirin and some ear plugs too! LOL<P>Again.....best wishes to you and yours!<P>Xman

Hey, again,<P>My motorcycle driving (and very much my hero) old dad plays the banjo - he taught himself. Every time he comes out to visit, he sits with my oldest son and they play my son's guitar together (well, my son tries). He hasn't come out with his banjo yet, I guess where would he put it on his motorcycle?<P>I swear, the little one is so musical tho! When that kid sits at a piano, or any instrument, you'd swear he knows how to play.<P>How'd I get from being really POed a little while ago to talking banjos. Thanks again Xman for a refreshing change of pace.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Kathy,<P> Here is a link for Texas with a graph. <A HREF="http://www.plano-divorce-lawyers.com/plano_child_support.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.plano-divorce-lawyers.com/plano_child_support.htm</A> <P> As you can see, it may go down some if there are other marriages/kids involved but not too much. A selfish j*ck*ss who likes to spread himself around could get stretched pretty thin in TX.<P> Ignore that sad soul who was jumping on you. Unfortunately these ugly divorces produce angry defeated human beings sometimes. This won't stop the WS's though.<BR> You have every right to be mad at the jerk. You should also get what you can out of him for yourself and your kid. TX does not allow for Alimony or Palimony. People can just walk out free and clear on all of their promises and obligations in TX as long as there are no kids. If you work to put your spouse through school in TX, then beware you may be setting yourself up real bad.<BR> Adultery used to be a horrible crime. Now it is just fine because so many people do it. The courts gave up on doing anything about it. I wonder if they would ever do the same if people decided to stop paying taxes? Doubt it.<P> Good luck to you and try your best to bleed him dry if possible.<P>DS<P>P.S.<BR>To the poor sap...yea I'm angry too. So what? When people get their faithful love and support stolen from them while their spouses lead stupid little immature double lives and ruin the marriage, what do you expect? What's worse unlike SOME parents, we shield our kids from as much as we can. That makes it feel like we are slapping ourselves in the face trying to make these animals look like good human beings.<P><p>[This message has been edited by DeeplySad (edited August 16, 2001).]

...very intresting and good points.<P>As you said, Im new here and didnt know the whole story, but you cant hold what I didnt know against me. Im guilty of not trying to find out more imformation, but most of my points still stand. You dont know how fortunate you are to have had the time to stay home with those kids...especially during the early years! What a wonderful gift.<P>As far as weather "women derserve child support"...id say no. Children deserve child support. I dont know if thats what you meant or not but your statment looks kind of suspicious (freudian slip?). <P> Its hard to say though because I believe on the whole our system is a good system and there is always room for improvement. I wish there was some way to ensure the money does in fact get used for the childrens best intrest (speaking in general terms not about you). Frankly I didnt mean to make that sound like a personal attack...although I realize it did come off that way. I just have a genuine concern for the children. You may not realize this in your present situation (and you may), but just like your husband was a jerk..there are plenty of women out there who are just as selfish (thus my concerns).<P>Sorry I brought this all up in the back drop of your questions about child support, guess it should have been in a more general thread. But it really really hit me the wrong way.<P>Just because a person who has been through lots of crap in their life time becomes "unsympathetic" as I know I am, it doesnt make them a "poor sap". Trials build character and I know I can handle what ever life throws at me. <P>Id rather point out things i disagree with than dewell on my own issues, but your original question certainly was a legitimate one.<P>PS...I am really hurt by the POS insult. Such big intelligent words confuse me! Im not sure I can handle such sharp cunning wit!<BR> (joking)

Yes I can hold it against you! Don't make unfair insinuations based on other people who are not me that I don't even know! <P>BTW, I was not complaining, just defending myself and stunned that I even had to do it. I don't care how much the X and GF make together and only mentioned it in reply to Lee the lawyer because I couldn't see the court reducing my support when looking at the combined income they have. I never tried to get more out of the X than the court allowed for. You really read a lot more into things than what is there. Besides, look around. Every post here is from people who are upset and COMPLAINING, even yours. And even when you talk about how much your girlfriend doesn't complain, it was right after you mentioned that she complains about you not helping out. No one is perfect, but people are here on this forum for a reason and that's to try to better ourselves. Sure I don't have it as bad as a lot of people do financially (well, it was bad for a while but now it's ok), and there's definitely more that are better off too, but does that mean I have no right to feel hurt and pain from the disrespect shown to me by the one person I loved and trusted most in the world? I have a right to air all those emotions, hurt pain gloating anger, that we ALL go thru when betrayed because here it's safe and we understand eachother. It's just that, people are usually more polite here when they disagree with me.<P>Also, if children got their child support, Nintendo would rule the world. Sorry, the support is for women, or men for that matter, to care for the kids. No slip there and definitely not freudian.<P>That wasn't a very Christian thing to call you and I regret it - I have a deep rooted southsider in me that fights for it's say too and sometimes it sneaks out.<P>------------------<BR>Kathy<p>[This message has been edited by weirded out (edited August 17, 2001).]

You go girl! I still say you're spending too much at Victoria Secret's, but hey?????<P><BR>I found out some "scoop" tonight on my neighbor. Will fill you in later.<P><BR>UnNeccessary:<P>You don't have a CLUE what weirded out has been thru!!! Or me for that matter! I'm sorry you hate your mom, but you know what??? Like I tell my students (and I am a high school teacher), life ain't fair, and whoever told you that is LYING! We all have baggage and while it would be easy to blame all of our misfortunes on parents, that's not real life. I was a damn good wife (no, I didn't cook dinner every night, so I wasn't perfect), and in no way did I deserve what my WS dealt me. But ya know what, I have moved on! I am the better person for it. While I'm blowing all of my child support on myself, I'm raising two beautiful girls! These girls are well-fed, clothed and reasonably happy (despite the fact that their father abandoned them for a whore who likes married men). THAT I make sure of! Of course, I must make sure THEIR needs and want come before my own. See, that's what being a mom is all about. <P>Again, I'm sorry you mom wasn't all that! I would make it all better for you if I could (that's the mom in me). But please don't assume all moms are like your mom. I love my kids more than I will EVER love any man. And that means that they will ALWAYS come FIRST!<P>Please lay off of Kathy. I know you tried to make amends in your last thread. That woman has been thru SO much and she will still win the "mother of the year" award! She's got it all together WITHOUT blowing her child support on herself!!! <P>I hope you find the peace that you seek!

weirded out,<BR> Try not to take things so personally...a lot of things here look like things we are familiar with, and we sometimes get a little confused as to who we are talking to! <P>I am certain that a mild caution was the worst thing intended, and that 's not too bad, is it?<P>Well, my two cents' worth is that he tried to take all that out of the marriage...hello? You only want him for the money...How surprised could ANYONE BE ABOUT THAT? How much honor is he showing now? I'd say that he succeeded...you care less about him than he cares about you...he got what he wanted, and now has a couple of receipts to prove he's paying for it!<P>You struck a nerve in an open wound, that's all, and well, we all are on the edge...its easy to misinterpret things here, and all that.<P>We would all do well to judge a little less, and love a lot more. -Mike<P>P.S. TrappedMom...I sure wish that you hadn't said 'you go, <B>girl</B>...only because it helps keep this a man/woman thing, and that's most of what was wrong with it to beging with, IMHO...too much generalization, and sexist trash for my liking....<P>...and I still think I hear my Dad playing 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' some Saturday mornings, but he's 900 miles away, so who knows where that is coming from?<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited August 18, 2001).]

Let me pull out some highlights.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Im guilty of not trying to find out more imformation...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>used for the childrens best intrest (speaking in general terms not about you). Frankly I didnt mean to make that sound like a personal attack...although I realize it did come off that way.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Sorry I brought this all up in the back drop of your questions about child support, guess it should have been in a more general thread<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>but your original question certainly was a legitimate one.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>As TrappedMom pointed out...i was trying to make amends. And as Waiting pointed out....we all get a little defensive somtimes.<P>Your last post definately qualifies as "defensive". You dont have to defend your devotion as mother to me! Thats not the issue I was really getting on a soap box about. And as Ive said twice already, it should have been a more general discussion and not directed at you. However, its is ok. After all, how can I get upset at you for being "defensive" when thats exactly what I did in my first couple of replys. <BR>