Hello,<P>We've been married 14 yrs and my wife now feels she wants to have "adventures". We've dabbled in swining...but I did feel right about it. A friend of hers is able to go out and do as she pleases..if you know what I mean. My wife would like to have that too, but I can't deal with it. I don't know what to do, she says it's only a physical, doesn't mean anything and is only to do something different. It bothers me a lot and I need to know how to handle it. She won't act on her feelings out of love for me, but the feeling is strong and it'd something she wants to do!<P>What do I do and how do I handle it? Other than this our relationship is very good.<P>Dave<BR>

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

\<p>[This message has been edited by HollyAnn (edited July 07, 1999).]

Dave2202,<BR> My h and I did the swing thing years ago, it wasn't worth it it seems to have given him the idea that anytime he wanted to cheat he could, i am no angle myself, i had a long term affair 19 years ago, I confessed all, ect. However we were seperated 1 1/2 years 12 years ago, see my post in no baby, we got back togeather and remain that way but he has had at least one other affair that started when his friend offered to share the f's wife w my h, he took them up on the offer, H and ow became emotionally involved, he said it wasn't supposed to hurt me she said it was nothing personal (EXCUSE ME), the point is this there is no such thing as (quoteing my H here) "innocent illiceet kinky sex" sex leads to feelings of closeness fast and if I had known then what I know now the swinging would have never happened, I don't blame anyone but my self, but I will tell you once you let the genie out of the bottle you can't ever put it back. You deserve a marriage without the spectur of other people hanging around your head, it' a hard thing to deal with, I know<BR>I had to edit this, as reading over I discovered that I had left the out of without,<BR>sorry if I caused you any pain I must be more careful about letting the mind get ahead of the fingers. <BR>not again--Deb <p>[This message has been edited by not again (edited May 29, 1999).]

Dave2202--<P>It's simple...never do anything that makes your partner uncomfortable. Even in "open-minded" situations, both must be willing and feel secure or don't go there!<P>If your wife wants to swing, and you don't, you must find other options or yes, relationship breakdown will occur. Experimentations can be fun but caution advised. Maybe acting out fantasies, just the two of you, might do the trick, instead of the more frightening reality. Try letting your wife talk about her fantasies during sex, encourage her, and even join in. Pretend it's real, or you're GOING to set it up (and don't). Worth a try. :-)

It's funny how the lines between fantasy and reality can blur. We had neighbors who were "swingers". (Geesh, and for some funny reason I was always uncomfortable around them:-) It worked fine for a little while then he divorced her for one of his "friends". I can't imagine swinging would work well for anyone long term. Can you get your wife to have "adventures" with you rather than someone else? There's a book called "101 nights of great sex" if you needs some ideas for what to try. Good luck, and try try try to get her to see that it wouldn't be healthy for either of you.