On friday I received a letter in the mail from the photographer who did our wedding (talk about ironic!). The letter stated that they only hold onto negatives for 5 years and that time period is coming due in October. They are giving me the option of buying ALL the negatives from the wedding (few hundred shots of us together, as well as of family and friends) for $100. Otherwise the negatives will be destroyed (not sure why if they are going to throw them out they don't just give them to you - but that is another issue)...<P>OK - Do I buy them or not? First let me say that I love pictures - I have pictures that go back to friends I knew growing up and I still look at them today and it takes me back to those times. I even found a box of old photos of my parents when they dated as well as of all my aunts and uncles... It just seems like a waste to have the negatives destroyed (there are some good shots of me with my brother and sister and family that maybe one day I'll want to get redone). Most people think I am crazy for even considering it - and at times I tend to agree with them. It is just that I truly believe that was a special time in my life and I will always feel that way.<P>One thing is for sure, I know it is in no way me trying to hold on to the past - That part of this process has passed a long time ago!<P>What ya guys/gals think? Am I nuts for considering it? It is only $100? <P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Use the divorce to negotiate the price down.

First off if it was me I would call and try to get them down cheaper LOL. Second if you have children or just for yourself if pics are divided or something you might regret having not got these, My ex took alot of the pics and I do wish I had some of them to pass on to my children<P>

I agree....do it for the kids. My parents have not a SINGLE wedding photograph left because of a fire. I wish they did.....

Yeah, using the garage sale technique... offer them 1/2 of what they're asking and be willing to bargain. Afterall, $50 is better than nothing! It might not hurt to throw in the fact that you're only *mildly* interested because of the divorce.<P>I'd say as NinaToo says, do it for your children's sake... it may not be a marriage anymore but it was the union that spawned them. Though, can't remember if you have kids or not!!<P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen

Hey Mike..<P>Sis had a great view about using the divorce to negotiate a lower price. That was Hilarious!<P>My only concern is that having the pictures would bring back memories that may have been great for you, but how will you react in viewing all of those images. If you are truly at a point in which you won't be affected negatively, I say do it, but if you have one ounce of doubt, I wouldn't buy them.<P>TAKE CARE<P>Bryan <BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

being in this position once upon a time:<P>I told him I didn't have any money, although I would LOVE the negatives. He gave them to me.<P>Good luck

Offer them half and see if they bite. There is a wonderful photo editting tool that you already own - scissors. Not to mention where you could file the ones you don't want. And keep the rest. Or offer them to stbx.

Thanks for all your replies. Just to clarify things a little - Our divorce is over and done with about 4 months now - so that is not a concern. It is the photographer who wants the money and he doesn't even know we are divorced. And we don't have any kids. But I KNOW I will one day and maybe years from now when I am no longer around, my kids would want to know about my 1st wife..... maybe? If/when I ever got married again, the negatives and photos would either go to my parent's house or to a safety deposit box - but I don't believe in destroying them - I guess a lot of it is due to how interested I am in my parents and grandparents old yellowing photographs...<P>Bryan,<BR>To answer your question - I actually have our wedding album and I found it a few weeks back. And yes I paged through it - while I was sad, there were photos that made me smile (and even laugh) as I thought back to that day. <P>You know what is kind of crazy? Even if I knew then, how this all would turn out, I would have done just about everything the same (except for the issues where I now know that I was wrong). I mean I have some great memories of the times we shared together. Unlike many here, our marriage was not horrible - I can't even say that it was "bad". Problems? Yes. Reasons for divorce? I say "no", but my X sees things differently I guess.... For those of you that can look back to "affairs", drinking, drugs, cruelty, etc... as reasons for your divorces, at least you have a definite cause you can point to. For me, it is like I was a deer caught in headlights - I still am shocked that I am divorced (and so are all my family and friends - and her's too!).... She just up and decided that she did not want to be married...<P>One thing is for sure - this thing called life is "crazy" at times!<P>God Bless,<BR>MIke<BR><P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Mike..<P>I got shivers down my spine reading your message. It was almost like you were writing my situation exactly. It is shocking how similar our situations are! Have you started to date other people? Do you still have conversations with your ex? Do you know if she is dating other people right now? Sorry to ask so many questions, but my next step in "dealing" with my situation is how I will react to her dating other people. I know that I will be fine, but that will be difficult for me to hear. Its almost like our wives just GAVE UP on us and that is what is so hard to understand.<P>Take Care<P>Bryan<BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally stated by SoTired2000: <B>And we don't have any kids. But I KNOW I will one day and maybe years from now when I am no longer around, my kids would want to know about my 1st wife..... maybe?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>Well, unless you reconcile with your XW and then have children with her, I really doubt your kids with another woman may be interested in your first wife. But, that's just my opinion... maybe they will. Odds seem like they'd be against it... Is there any chance with your X?<P>Cheers!<BR>Nicole<P><P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen

I liked the suggestion about talking the price down. Maybe he can edit her out of the pictures. I threw all my wedding pictures in the trash. I wish I had pictures of my friends from wehn I was growing up.

Bryan let me try to address your questions one by one...<P>> Have you started to date other people? <BR>Dated one woman for about a month - didn't work out but I learned a whole heck of a lot!<P>Do you still have conversations with your ex?<BR>No. My X ran away - literally and figuratively. While she is such a caring person (usually!) and nice, one drawback to her is that she is not a strong person at all. Instead of dealing with things she hid behind her lawyer and her father (who is also a lawyer). Deep down I think she knew what she was doing was wrong. She left the house and moved out of state - last I heard she is in California.<P>Do you know if she is dating other people right now? <BR>As far as I know (never really bothered to look into it) she was dating someone very, very shortly after she moved out last year. Months before she moved out there were warning signs about an affair - but I never found out one way or the other if the warning flags were on the money. Never did care if she was dating someone or not. Let me sound a little immodest here - she won't find anyone better than me out there - I can guarantee you that. You guys only know me through what I write (which I hope portrays me as a really good person!) - but I have no enemies - really - none. My nickname is "the friend" because I can talk to and make friends with just about anyone. No I wasn't the perfect husband, but I think in time I would have been close.<P>Anyways if you think about stuff like that (her dating, being with someone else) you'll drive yourself crazy, so instead I just focused on myself. [It kind of amazed me though because I tend to be a jealous person - I really think it was prayer that helped me here]<P>It is a never ending journey - now that I am post-divorce there are still so many things/issues/problems/concerns that keep popping up! All you can do is try to take things "in stride". I remember happier days in my life and I know that one day, I all the feelings of loss and sadness will be replaced by feelings of happiness and joy. It just will take time.<P>As for me - Just living one day at a time. Sure I have my eye out for any potential female prospects, but I know it will happen in God's time - not mine. Each day the load gets a little lighter to bear. Call it a sixth sense, but I have a feeling my next big test will be when I hear from her again - Judging by how things happen in my life, it will be when I am seriously dating someone new - Then my X will come around... just have a feeling.... But I'll deal with that when it happens (if it happens at all).<P>------------------------------------------<P>Nicole,<P>Maybe it is just me, but I have found myself being more and more interested in my parents lives - even before they knew each other. Although photos from way back then are hard to find, I would love to see pictures of other people my parents dated - who they hung around with - things like that. Maybe I'm a little strange in this sense - Its funny because I am one of the people that way I go to someone's house and see pictures or an album, I ask all kinds of questions about the photos - its the curiousity in me I guess....<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Mike..<P>You are right. You are a great guy and great guys always win in the end! Thanks for your insight! I appreciate it!<P>Take Care and God Bless!<P>Bryan <BR><P>------------------<BR>BJK

Mike, <P>I wouldn't even think twice about this one. GO BUY THE NEGATIVES!!!!!! Get a deal if you can, if not, drop the $100 and put your negatives in a safe place. The day will come that you'll want some of those photos and you will hate yourself later if you don't buy them now.<P>My ex took most of our pictures with her, but I knew that she would never destroy any of them. Just a few months ago, a friend of mine (who happened to be at the wedding) passed away quite suddenly and I realized that the only pictures of him that I had were mixed among the photos that she took. Luckily, she maintained her high level of organization and knew right where the photos were. Now those pictures are back in my possession and to me, they are priceless.<P>If you never look at the negatives or never make a single proof from them, at least you would have taken ownership of those keepsakes and memories of a happy time in your life.<P>I may just see about getting mine as well <P>Take care buddy!

Mike, <P>I don't think it's weird to want to know who your family was friends with, what they were like as kids...as a genealogy buff...I think it's quite natural <P>but then ppl think I am weird for taking a vacation and going to look at old cemetaries..so go figure..I have old photos of my parents when they were younger, and some of my grandparents..and greatgrandparents..and greatgreatgrandparents...I talk to my aunts and uncles about men my mom dated in school, she had told me once about a man she dated in h/s b4 my dad..she'd seen him years later at a class reunion..and he told her that he still loved her..had she not died of cancer I think she would have married him..<BR> <BR>My kids ask me about my first husband..we didn't have any kids..they've asked what he looks like..and I've still got pictures so I share them..they ask me why we didn't have kids together..what happened..why we didn't stay married..<BR>if I seen him again how do I think I'd react? it's more my daughters who ask than my son..but then he's only 6 and doesn't think about it..but I think kids are narturally curious about what their parents were like b4 they were their parents..maybe not when they are little but I think when they hit the preteen age..they are...<P>And as far as the pictures go...remember it was a special time in your life..and the pictures aren't just of you and your ex..as you stated..there are pictures of "other" family members..and those are worth having.. <P>

Buy them, scan them, save them on a CD, then decide what to do with the negatives.<P><B> CRITICAL! do not use jpeg format</B>, always save in TIFF format for printability. you can't print jpeg on a dye sublimation printer and get very good quality.<P>good luck.<P>

Thanks everyone.<P>I think I will buy them. I emailed the photographer my sob story and asked since I am divorced if there is any kind of 50% off sale!? Also mentioned that ya never know, I was really happy with his work and maybe I'll be bringing him some repeat business on my next marriage hehehehe!<P>On a side note, I read a nice little passage this morning that spoke about how the often the sweetest smelling flowers are those that are found out in "the wild" - the ones that have suffered through great storms and winds. Then it related it back to the individuals who seem to have everything going wrong for them and how their trials and tribulations will one day allow them to "shine" more brightly than ever before. Kind of neat way of looking at all this *hit we all are going through....<P>God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.