My STBX just sent me an e-mail stating that on all items that are left in the house (ie my portion of community property) he would like first right of refusal on if I were to sell them stating that he has so little right now. (btw no legal settlement has been drawn up)<P>Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? Well I don't. It is not so much the request that angers me it is the fact that he is moaning around about how few material things he has. No mention that anything has sentimental value to him it is all just possessions! SOOOOOO SHALLOW!!!<P>I feel like responding to him that when he thinks about selling some of his new found joy and happiness with his new life and new make me tingly GFs that I would like first right of refusal.<P>He also repeatedly asks me to be civil in matters regarding the D. I am civil, I am just not friendly to him and he gets the two confused. I think he is frustrated because he can't control my behavior towards him. Oh well, whatever.<P>One more gripe then I'm done. STBX has been unemployed for 2 months now. He knew when his last contract would end months in advance but did not bother to negotiate a new contract or find other employment at the time. Instead he took a 2.5 week trip to see one of his GFs in Norway. Now he is having trouble getting work and we will need to dip into our savings to cover expenses which of course are doubled do to his descions to leave. Does anyone think I have any legal come back to at least the expenses that it costs for him to live?<P>

I would get your assets frozen during divorce proceedings so he can't live on it. Most states consider unemployment/underemployement a ploy by the non-custodial parent to either drain away marital assets or to attempt to lower future CS orders. At the same time if you don't get it frozen, there is likely NO recourse even if he spends it all.<P>Don't know your state's laws, but I would seriously consider consulting your atty.

Hi hopelessAz, long time since I have been around. I have been busy.<P>About marital property, it is all BS. My STBX just comes in the house, even though I changed the locks, and took whatever HE felt like. Of course he took all the MAN stuff. But what right does he get to just prance in and take what HE wants and leaves me the rest!<P>As far as civility goes, your STBX sounds like mine. They don't want to hear the truth, have you not do what THEY want you to do so they get frustrated. They think your supposed to be pals during this. The WS think nothing of the people they hurt, they just think of THEMSELVES.<P>I don't know what to say about loss of job but I would have assests frozen if possible. The legal system in this world is so wacked.<P>Anyway, I am off to post my own update.<P>Hopelessmom

hi A-long time no hear. I have had a heck of a summer.<P>stbx's vacation with ow in vegas(lost all our paltry savings and overdraft protection)<P>Car crash-my paid for car, totalled. back and neck injuries and having to look for a new car in 113 degree weather!<P>Had to spend savings(personal) on new car instead of lawyer, hired one anyway. I'll get some $ from parents if they would be so kind.<P>Anyway, here is the answer I wanted to tell you. If you file for freeze on assets, you will be saved a big headache later. The Money he spends from the community property accounts to see ow, or buy presents, or loan, or anything to ow, can be regained in divorce settlement. Even if you are the one to file. If you cannot document on your own(if he hides stuff)then your lawyer can hire a PI to get the info from credit card charges etc.<P>But be aware that if you cannot document enough on your own, it is expensive to do the searching, and it may not be worth it to you in the long run. You may just want to cut your losses.(IE if it costs more to do the search, than he actually spent)<P>My H is in such financial straits, that he cannot get away with heavy spending. It would wreck him and cause concern at work. If for instance he was using company trips for a lot of the spendatures to keep the A going. I think he did do this for a while. But everyone knows we are divorcing now, they may keep thier eye on him more. I do not know. <P>Call me. the kids go back to school tomorrow and as of yet I do not have a job. I am going to a job fair at the Biltmore aug 27 and 28th. Should get some ideas there.

Hi Burned,<P>Good to hear from you again.<P>I was out of town all of July and am just getting back into things. <P>STBX has since been gainfully employed! His own lawyer told him that it wasn't real cool to use Community savings to pay support! <P>My STBX spent all cash on the Owomen. The only big ticket item I have is the trip he took to NY. I have the credit card statement for that as well as for the ticket to Norway.<P>What I really want out of this is the house. I am willing to bargin a little for it but not much. <P>There is so much to catch up on. Maybe we could meet for drinks sometime. Like some Friday at Aunt Chiladas or Ztejas? <P>I'm currrently looking for work as well. I know what I want to do though so I am calling around trying to get a position somewhere.<P>I'll call.<P>Take Care.<P>