I noticed this before. Me and my husband divorced before and were apart for 2 years then remarried. (and are now going through divorce again - due to his continuous affairs). Now I am reminded how he is never really out of my life. It is frustrating because there still needs to be conflict resolution and communication which were problems during the marriage and now are problems during (and after) the divorce. <P>Right now he has agreed to help with a down payment for my new car. I accepted because I am carrying the full extent of our credit card debt since it is all in my name. <P>I wonder if it is worth it to just go at everything alone. I hate depending on him for anything and having to work with him. <P>Right now he still thinks he has a chance even though I have made it perfectly clear that there is no chance. But he still wants to help because it allows him time together and he thinks he'll win me back this way. <P>I have read how people get the short end of the stick (financially speaking) because they just want out. I can relate. Is it really worth it to have him assist with debt reduction or a down payment on the car if it means I have to communicate with him. He will always be in my life because of the kids but I wonder if it would be better if I didn't accept his offering or expect his assistance or ask for his help on anything except that which is required by law and automatically drafted from his account. <P>The thing with the car is that he will help me get a car and put the down payment down. See the price attached to it. I have to hang out with him to receive the down payment. <P>The thing is my credit is ruined because I cosigned for him a car (when we remarried) which he has 20+ consecutive<BR>30 day late payments. I am reaping the consequences of his<BR>irresponsibility with late payments for his car. <P>We are both working hard to maintain a good relationship between us. He is willing to work with me now but may be unwilling in the longterm. I am recognising further the consequences I am reaping for having him in my life. <P>Any comments...???...<BR>

Hi,<P>I am not divorced yet, but am in the very beginning stages. I have thought about the contents of your post before and I can sympathize with you totally! My WS wants us to be friends after the divorce (I am the one who is pursuing the divorce because he has no desire to try to make things work out between us and I have been living in limbo for a year now) and he wants me to call him when I needs things fixed around the house or when I need him to watch our three young children. He thinks we should sometimes do things together and I simply can't see that happening.<P>I foresee something along the lines of a forever Plan B (except when we need to have contact concerning our children)--do you feel as though that is unrealistic for me to think? I am curious to hear what someone who is in it thinks.<P>To respond more directly to your post, I feel as though I would not want to rely on my ex in any way to do things for me. A divorce to me means you are dissolving your relationship, so why the heck would I want to spend time with him?

A forever Plan B would be ideal but then again... The finances. Nowadays there is no such thing as a fault divorce. it is all no fault and irreconcilable differences. I think the child support should be based on who is at fault. My husband had numerous affairs. Why should be and the kids pay for his mistakes. <P>My STBX did help me get a car last night and put 2500 down payment down. That may seem nice to a lot of people but... My interest rate is 18%. Pretty crazy hugh? My credit is excellent but I cosigned for a car for him and he has 22 consecutive 30 day late payments. I realize I am reaping the consequences of my poor decision to chose such a mate but shouldn't he also reap consequences too? Plus the fact that all the debt is in my name - I am learning a valuable lesson. It is amazing how our decisions can effect us for a lifetime.