Are any of you out there adults who were raised in single parent homes. or are you an adult who was raised with a step-parent? Please let me know what your experience was if you are an adult looking back on your childhood. Looking back do you see how the divorce was a painful but necessary process? What is your relationship with your parents like today? In your teens how did it effect you? <P>I am trying to see what I will be putting my kids through. Me and my STBX are both good parents now. We are both close to our children. I have primary custody and emotionally I am handling it all very well. The kids seem to be handeling it well too on the most part. They are so use to us being together and separated and back together and separated... that I am not sure they really understand this time we are not getting back together. I don't know when it will hit them or if it will or if they are just accustomed to us being apart that it is not too big of a deal to them. In 3 months they have probably had a good cry about it 3 or 4 times but not daily or even weekly. They do pray occasionally that we will get back together and I tell them God always hears us and answers us but it is not always the way we want Him too. Life keeps them busy enough they may not have too much time to think about it. They are age 7 and 9.<P>Please let me know your experience. Thanks.

My parents divorced when I was about a year old so I didn't "go through" the divorce. I think my case is different than what you are describing though. My father was not a good man and not a good father so I think my mom made the right descision. Growing up, I always envied those who had married parents. I never saw my dad. My mom remarried when I was about 7. That was nice. My step dad is the only dad I've really ever known. I can say that I've only seen my biological father 10 times my whole life. Truthfully, I hold alot of resentment toward him and I think that has carried over into my relationships today. I felt/feel a strong sense of abandonment and am scared to death to "be left" by my husband which incidently is what it happening now.<BR>Hope this helps<BR>Laura

My parents divorced when I was 7. All I remember of them living together is them yelling at each other. I'm sure that isn't what happened every day, but that's all I can remember.<P>My mother got 'nothing for her 25 years of service but ME' and we had to live with her parents for a few years. She says my dad didn't take me once during the first year we were gone, but from as far back as I remember I saw my dad every other weekend.<P>My mom remarried when I was 10 and we moved in with my step-dad. It was a huge life change for me because my step-dad felt that children should be seen and not heard, etc. very old-fashioned, and I just spent several years being spoilt rotten by grandparents. Plus moving from country to city, new school, no friends, no yard to play in, etc.<P>My father was a lot more lenient and I had a lot of freedom there. Too much if you asked my mom. There wasn't much co-parenting involved. I heard lots of negative things about my dad from my mom, but nothing I recall from my dad about her. That is one thing that really sticks with me now. I had no idea that my parents had divorced because my mother had an affair until I was an adult - I figured it was just the fighting.<P>I have heard the kids tend to favor the non-custodial parent because that person gets to be more lenient, has less of the discipline duties, can spend their time with the kids going places and doing fun stuff, etc. where the custodial parent is the rule maker and law enforcer ... the heavy. Not fair! But sometimes that happens.<P>My dad died when I was still young, but we had a really good relationship. My mother and I have had a strained relationship since I was a teen - we never stopped butting heads I guess - too similar?? We are closer now since my separation than we've been in years, partly because my STBX hated her and made my life miserable if I spent any time with her or even called her on the phone. He more than once wished her dead ... we are talking deep-seated hatred here. He always accused her of trying to brainwash me ... too late I discovered his problem with that, was that HE wanted to be the one doing it and no one else!! grrrr<P>Anyway ...<P>My kids have been through a lot since the separation, but when they are old enough, they will realize which parent was playing mindgames and which one was taking the high road.<BR>

I just wanted to bump this up. I got 2 good responses but really want more.

I answered you on the EN board, but came here to read what others had wrote. TLC reminded me of something and I wanted to mention it. My mom also never bad-mouthed my father. Never said anything good or bad about him, only said they were too young and had made a lot of mistakes. I always respected her for that, it felt like she respected my intelligence enough to allow me to make my own decision on the subject. Recently I've been asking questions and discovered that there was infidelity on both sides. I've discovered some other things about my moms early life as a young mother that I guess disappoint me, but at least she was there for me, in my life every step of the way.

My first ever post here...I was actually the child of 2 divorces. And, each circumstance had tremendous effect on me. My Mom and Dad split will I was a toddler. As a child, I had no recollection of my dad. My mom remarried. I knew my Stepfather wasn't my bio Dad. And I called my SF by his first name. But he raised me as a his child, pretty much. Through, the years, however, he became alcoholic. My mother left him when I was 15. It was very acrimonious. <P>For awhile, I actually stayed with my SF, for a couple of reasons: he had a home and financial resources that my mom didn't have upon leaving, and to take care of my younger half-brother who refused to leave his father's. And yes, I felt resentment toward my mother..as screwed up as the family was, it was still OUR family, in my mind.<P>Those feelings lasted for about 6 mos. to a year. I eventually couldn't take my SF's abuse or drinking and left to live with my mother when I was 16. For a few years, after that I carried on a distant relationship with my SF, who was either good as gold, or a drunken arguing sot. Eventually, I cut the cord from the "man that raised me." I haven't seen him in 15 years. It was just too unhealthy to be around him, though I do love him.<P>Now, on to Part 2, my mother and "real" dad reconciled. The man who had been missing all my life. I was mad as hell and had no use for him, when this came about. The only thing that probably ever salvaged the relationship was my Dad's truck! You see he had the same Blue Ford pickup for years. When I was a little girl, this man in a blue Ford pickup would ride up and down our street and wave to me while I played outside. To the point, it would make me uncomfortable and I would run inside. The first time, I *met* my dad (upon being forced), the only thing I could notice was his Blue truck.<P>All those years I spent feeling abandoned/angry were unnecessary. My SF had been very protective and jealous. Wouldn't allow my BF around. And my Mom, she went along with it. So my anger reversed. I love my mother dearly. But I don't hold her harmless in my lacking my father. Let's face it the late 60's, wasn't exactly the Father's right decade either.<P>In my adult life, I have no relationship with my SF. And my Brother's relationship is somewhat strained, as well. I became very close to my BF and remain close to my mom. My BF died 3 years ago. And his Blue Ford Pickup is sitting in my garage awaiting restoration.<P><BR>