Well all, <BR>This is a nasty nasty word. TIME.<BR> The way I'm trying to understand it is time will heal all pain. Well honestly time can not come quick enough for me.<BR>It is weird. I do not miss being with my husband. I do not miss talking to him. I do miss him being a father to our son. My son I know feels the same. We all are waiting for time to make us better and make the pain go away. I don't think the pain really truely goes away. I think we just hide and make it an underlining of the today. Call me crazy. (wait don't do that) some people already have.<BR>Time is such a huge part of life. When is the right time to move on. When is the time gonna come when I'm truley happy ect.... ect..... ect.....<BR>Well things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm......<P>Wishing us all well<BR> Janet

Hey Janet,<P>*Elan extending her hand and introducing herself*<P>Yah know what? I asked my sis the same question...."when will I be happy? when will all this be over?"<P>The best thing she suggested to me was to start a gratitude journal. Albeit it's not great somedays (like things...."today I am grateful for putting a leech (yes LEECH) on my fishing hook today allllllllll by myself...... (I am EVEN MORE grateful for the needle-nosed pliers that helped me!)....<P>It's somthing that helps pass the T-I-M-E............

Well that sounds like fun. Me I do not do leeches. Worms minows even squid NO leeches..... I love to fish... I guess I need to go some TIME eek! That word. Oh well it is part of life I guess. I have so much to do to pass the time away but, some times I want time to stay still just for the moment.<BR>Oh well<BR>Wishing us all well<BR> Janet

Janet;<BR>TIME sucks...or for now it does. I do miss my husband a bit - although my friends say that when it is all over with that I will be better. Right now? I feel like I am in an eternal holding pattern; waiting for our home to sell and just found out today that our divorce is going to be final the day before our 8 year anniversary. It is so sad. I do not have children so I cannot imagine to have that worry/concern too as I feel like I have more than mourned this whole thing to death.<P>I am attending a seminar this Friday night - it is entitled.."My Marriage Died but I cannot Find the Funeral"...I will keep you posted as it is a divorce/separation recovery and support type meeting.<P>I guess in TIME we will all have answers somehow...<BR>Scuba

My little thing I posted about time in my thread when you mentioned it was sort of my way of saying that time exists as both a concrete (i.e quantifiable...measurable) thing, and an abstract concept...which is a little unusual. Something is either real, or imagined. Time is both. Quite perplexing, and vexing. (Man, I wish that I was playing Scrabble right now!) We tend to view time in our situations in an abstract manner, but...since we need answers...we want to be able to say, for example...how long will I hurt like this, and get a quantifiable answer. (You will feel genuinely despondent for 15 weeks, melancholy for three weeks, out of sorts for 13 days, and slightly miffed for 27 minutes...then, you will 'get over it', and be blissfully happy for the rest of your life.) Time itself is real, and measurable. Our representation of it is a very liquid thing. (Time flies when you are having fun, and all of that.)<P>We get told a lot that we need to 'keep busy' to keep our minds off of things...My mind is never 'off' at all. I actually dream about my normal life, symbols are a rarity for me in that respect. What is helpful to me is to realize that time just passes in very precise increments, they do not change at all...a second is the same now as it was 'in the beginning'. I have been at a lot of points in my life where I secretly wished I could shut down for a period, and 'wake up' on the other side of a situation that was unpleasant for me. I often play a better future for myself when I am going to sleep, it is where I <I>imag(e)ine</I> my goals working out for me. I always enjoy it, and therefore time passes without my notice of it. I am 'in the moment'. A second might just as well be a year, and a year a second. Time does not exist then for me.<P>I have had many instances where I 'couldn't wait' to get to another point in time in the future...for the past few months, I have wanted to go back in time to better days. Pining away, as it were.<P>'Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day, you fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.'<P>Now, Roger Waters is one depressed man, and Pink Floyd lyrics are not exactly literature, but that song has a great deal of meaning for me now...plus, it just cooks! (No, I'm not 17 again, I just still manage to like them a lot!)<P>My (former) Priest asked me what I thought about the future...lots of people want to know that. I do have plans, and goals, but I live my life in 15 minute increments now, that is where I have arrived at. When you are in pain emotionally, you either look to a better future, or a better past. The past is over, and the future not yet here, but I usually can handle determining what I am going to do 15 minutes from now. If that does not pan out, then it is not a major catastrophe, like the whole 'forsaking all others 'til death do you part' thing was.<P>Meditating, and self-hypnosis helps enormously. I think that anti-depressants actually serve to put you 'in the moment', and take the highs, and lows out of that moment. That is what the 'coping' is all about. Not banging the stops, which really drags time out for me. I can't abide that, I need to do it myself. Oddly enough, my new job serves that purpose well. When I was programming for a living, everything had to be done 'yesterday', the customer was always waiting, and impatiently at that. Constant meetings about deadlines, and yada-yada-yada...all I wanted to do was design, write and test/debug code all day. Made the time pass fast, and I got stuff done...I felt good about it, until a salesman would say, I need this tomorrow....only a few thousand lines of perfect code...like the stuff came out of me automatically...right!<P>Anyway, I've got about two hours on this time thing, Janet...you really struck a common nerve with this one...good job! Don't even get me started on delayed gratification, or someday never comes!<P>You are at the core of it here...time is the thing...we need to get good with it, and make it our friend. That is what I am doing these days. I have to tell you, though. Put financial disaster alongside emotional turmoil in the form of divorce, add about a ton of teenage rebellion, and everything else that is going on in my (our) lives, and you've got a buffet full of stuff you don't like. It like all you can eat...literally! -Mike

Way to go Mike,<BR> TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME< TIME<<BR>There I said it. You know it would be great to go to a place where you could freeze time in the most pleasurable time in your life.. (ok then I woke up).<BR>You know the weirdest thing happened this week:<BR>My ex has called every night now actually being cival, I could not wait for the day when we could be cival when it came to our son... I asked him (stupid me) why the change why are you being nice.. Well anyway that was the end to the good thing... Anyway he was telling me about his girlfriend how he doesn't think they will stay together. I stopped in his tracks right away. I told him whatever he is thinking forget build a bridge get over it lalalalalalal (I don't hear you) you are to late. Dime short day late and all the rest. We ended up talking for 2 hours. What is up with that????????????<BR>Mike we will be fine. I know it... (I think) It takes Time time time time time time..... <P>Scuba let me know about that seminar it sounds interesting..<BR>I really don't miss my ex thou I just miss the family setting type stuff. It well never be the same again for me.. <BR>Unless there is actually some one out there that enjoys the same things I do and can relate to me. If not I guess I am my own family..<BR>Wishing you all well<BR> Janet

Time heals all wounds . . . or so we are told. The problem is there are some wounds which are so deep that they will never heal . . . all we can do is stop the bleeding . . .<P>It's funny . . . I do not miss my husband either, although I do miss the family time and I am so-o-o sorry that my children will not grow up with a father in their home. That is my greatest heartache and even now I find myself questioning what I am doing because of them. But regardless, my marriage is over and I too can only take each day (or each 15 minutes - I liked that) one day at a time. What is nice is no longer having that knot in my stomach every day when my husband walked in the door, never knowing what his mood would be and always scrambling to placate him. No matter what TIME brings, I will never go back to that place . . .

I miss my wife a bit, probibly alot less than I should. But now that I'm out from under her boot heel I really don't feel like going back.

Well Tiger I know just what you mean about the children not having a dad around. That is what hurts the most for me, and that he is not seeing him on a regular schedule. It is when he wants to.. I never knew either what the mood was gonna be when he got home.. Now I don't have to worry about that.. Only TIME will tell what is in store for me....<P>Forsaken. <holds hand out to greet> nice to meet ya....<BR>Every one deals with situations in their own way.. I'm sorry I do not know what your situation was... You may share if you like.....<P>Wishing you all well<BR> Janet