Hi folks : This is my first time i have wrote to the forum& i need your help. My wife & i have been seperated for 7 months now & she don't know if she can love me again . I had affair with another women 4yrs ago & that was just the start of things & before our seperation i was very verbally abusive to her calling her every name in the book & never had any trust in her , I was a very controling person had to know everything she did & who she was with & so on. I have 2 kids aged 3 & 6 . I was never there for them always out with the boys drinking & having fun . Well she left me in feb & in april i went to a treatment centre for alcohol & i have not had a drink since. I have been going to my meetings & taking counselling. But she seems to have given up & i maybe put her through to much & the wounds are to deep . She just keeps telling me she needs time & space whatever that means . When she come to the treatment centre for family week & on the last day i asked her if she would wear her wedding rings she said she would when the time was right . Whatever that means ? They still are not on her hand . She knows i love her very much & that i am trying so hard to make this marriage work . But when it comes down to it the ball is in her court no doubt about it . If someone could help me out to what they think is going through her head i would like that very much ..Thanks

Just keep doing what your doing - counseling and staying sober and meetings. Work on you and she will see the change. You have acknowledged your wrongs and that is the first step. She wants time and space - just give it to her. Be there for her if she wants help and leave her alone if she wants to be left alone. If you push too hard you can push her away. I would suggest no more than 1 phone call a day to her (if that much). Since you were controlling before - don't ask her questions about where she was or who she was with. just ask her if she needs anything. don't push the ring issue. <P>Be patient. Time and consistancy can heal wounds. I have been sober 5 years. The first year is the roughest - just take it one day at a time. Learn who you are, what makes you tick, analyze your moods and actions. Ask yourself what you feel and why. There are things that trigger a relapse in alcohol - find out what your triggers are a beware - it could be certain music or it could be when you are celebrating or when you are depressed or stressed. Learn new ways to celebrate or handle pain and relieve stress. <P>I need time and space from my husband right now - he had affairs. The ball is in my court and he is pushing me away because he won't give me the space I need to think. He just keeps pressing to see me and talk to me. just don't pressure her about the relationship.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by notheard:<BR><B>Just keep doing what your doing - counseling and staying sober and meetings. Work on you and she will see the change. You have acknowledged your wrongs and that is the first step. She wants time and space - just give it to her. Be there for her if she wants help and leave her alone if she wants to be left alone. If you push too hard you can push her away. I would suggest no more than 1 phone call a day to her (if that much). Since you were controlling before - don't ask her questions about where she was or who she was with. just ask her if she needs anything. don't push the ring issue. <P>Be patient. Time and consistancy can heal wounds. I have been sober 5 years. The first year is the roughest - just take it one day at a time. Learn who you are, what makes you tick, analyze your moods and actions. Ask yourself what you feel and why. There are things that trigger a relapse in alcohol - find out what your triggers are a beware - it could be certain music or it could be when you are celebrating or when you are depressed or stressed. Learn new ways to celebrate or handle pain and relieve stress. <P>I need time and space from my husband right now - he had affairs. The ball is in my court and he is pushing me away because he won't give me the space I need to think. He just keeps pressing to see me and talk to me. just don't pressure her about the relationship. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for the reply ... So you said your husband is not giving you the time & space u need as well ? How long have you been seperated ? Do u really think that the love can come back for someone even thou at has been 7 months for us ? Like i figured after 7 months she would grow to love me again . Thanks

We have been separated 3 months this time. (up to 2 years previously) I think anything is possible. But you know step 1 is acknowledging you are completely powerless. Thats the beginning. God is able to work when we are in that state and not trying to control or manipulate the outcome. If she is asking for space just give it to her. You've been sober 5 months now which is a huge accomplishment but consistancy is the key. I think your doing great - your asking for help and that is a key in recovery. Pray for your wife. Hopefully she will come around.