What can I do? That is what has been going through my head over and over in the past several days that my H has been gone. I shared the other day that we are currently separated (our 2nd separation-the first one lasted over a year). We both have self esteem and insecurity issues. We both have no clue how to communicate effectively. I tend to be controlling and demanding-the queen of Angry Outbursts! He has told me that there is/has never been no one else and I believe him however I feel he is almost to the point of it. So what can I do? Well, I've discovered The Surrendered Wife and I see alot of myself in there. I'm going to start implementing some of those ideas into our relationship and basically just work on me. I know I need much work! Last night we argued (again) and I demanded that he follow me home and help me carry the kids upstairs (3 kids asleep in the car) and he got pissed and refused. He said he hated me because I'm always only thinking of myself, and telling him what to do etc. So I wrote him a letter apologizing for the way I said things and telling him that I was going to get counseling- not to save our marriage, but so I can be a better person. I made it perfectly clear that I loved him and didn't want to lose him, but if he really wanted a divorce he was going to have to be the one to file. I went on to say that as long as we are married there will never be another man, I won't date or even have a "casual" relationship. I asked him to extend me the same courtesy. So we shall see. All I know is that I have see the light and know that I need to work out my issues.<BR>Sorry to ramble, just venting!<BR>Laura

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LauraLPhill:<BR>What can I do? ... I wrote him a letter apologizing for the way I said things and telling him that I was going to get counseling- not to save our marriage, but so I can be a better person... All I know is that I have see the light and know that I need to work out my issues.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That is what you can do, I'd say. Good luck.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Sorry to ramble, just venting! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think ventilation is a legitimate function of this board. Vent away.<P>

Sounds like a great letter...I am trying to write one now (but in positive terms) and I am finding it extremely difficult.<P>My h wants me to be the bad guy too, I think he's having either another affair or has continued the same one...<P>He has not spoken of anything to do with our relationship for the whole month he's been gone...he expects me to do it, then he can rant and end it all, and it's my fault. Or he thinks I'll get sick of it and go back to our home country. But I also think like you, if he wants to end it he can do the dirty work!!!<P>I also feel I was controlling and demanding, but think about that for a moment. I have wondered about that for a long time....he wasn't putting in, eventually I got annoyed and had to say something...is that such a crime? I have always thought that two people should contribute to a marriage, but whenever I asked ANYTHING of him, I was nagging. So, I know it's old hat, but I read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, and it did show me a few little clues on how to communicate better with men. And for a time, our communication got better. The WAY you ask men to do things can make all the difference. <P>Then I think he continued the A or started a new one and things declined again.....<P>Oh well...what can YOU do? Read everything you can on this site and implement it. Plan A, meet his emotional needs and don't love bust, even when you are seething, and it MAY help. It will certainly help you learn to alter your behaviours, and present a better you to your h. But only time will tell if he wants the new improved you!!!<P>Good luck!