I'm having a small problem handling the loneliness.. I've found myself calling friends long distance(the phone is still under my WS's name) and just talking for hours on end. At this point I am still in the old apartment, the children are at my mothers, and my wife.. well who knows.. I move into my new house next week, and well.. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to afford my new phone bill (under my name) once I am over there. So its a dilema, least once I'm over there I'll have my children with me, but that still leaves me short of peer conversation.

I'm with you on this one. Also, I live in a rural location so when I am at home, I don't even see anyone in the distance. 3 big dogs provide some companionship, and a lot of responsibility, but like you are saying about your kids, <BR>it's not what you are looking for. <P>So I just have been making every effort to socialize when <BR>I can, for one thing. That doesn't help in the evening, <BR>morning and those other times when the loneliness is most poignant and acute. I just try to feel it, absorb it, and use it to contemplate. How I got here and where I am going. How can I have the strength to endure. Of course, keeping busy helps keep intense emotions at bay - my house, yard etc. has never looked so good! Extra exercise is also a good idea that fits in with staying busy.<P>And, it has helped to communicate with others in similar circumstances in forums like this...

Well... I know I'll get alot of attention from the WS tomorrow when she gets her sepena(sp) and temp restraining orders.

Yahoo Instant Messenger has voice capability...if your Internet service is local, then you can talk that way if you have a sound card, and microphone...Sort of the digital tomato can thing. There are other versions of it, too.

Please wish me the best of luck.. The next two weeks are going to be a gut wrencher. I probibly have a 80 percent or better chance of winning the custody hearing. But thats only if we don't end up in two of the county's courts that favor the mother over any other consideration. Right now my wife is quite upset with me because I would not let her come and pick up the children yesterday. But considering she only has 8 dollars for gas, running on a spare tire(and this would be a 100 mile trip back and forth) and that she and her grandmother don't even have the money to buy syringes for her diabetes without pawning something, well I just couldn't let her take them into those conditions. I did offer for her to stay in the apartment(which I'm almost moved out of) and she could spend time with the children(we are all staying at my mother's until the house is closed and we finish renovating)<BR>Of course she blames me completely, tells me I'm trying to keep her from her children, but its no longer my problem if she cannot afford to safetly pick them up. I refuse, and I do not have the money to support her now that she has moved out. Granted if she did win custody I would not hesitate to pay child support.<BR>The really sad thing is that my oldest son has not asked for his mother or even where she is, my youngest son, who was always quite a happy baby, does not cry for his mother at night, and never has. Now that we have been staying at my mothers both of the children are doing much better. My oldest who is quite aggressive and rebellous has been getting better by leaps and bounds everyday. I no longer have alot of trouble getting him to go to bed at night, and little things like that.. He is still unruly but he is now listening more and more. <BR>We do not speak ill of their mother in front of them, though in her recent vindictiveness I doubt she affords me the same respect.<BR>But the trial will be soon, I had to go ahead and file for divorce and temp custody myself since she cannot afford to do so. She will get the summons in about 4 hours... I dread our next phone conversation, but I will have to deal with it. I did give her plenty of time to decide on the custody issue, and we did have the visitation all worked out by ourselves, but she would not give me an answer and has I think just been stringing me along till she could figure out how she could have her divorce and the children to herself.

Easy there, mate...I know its hard. I know how you feel because I have been through, and am still going through that wringer, too. I will pray for a favorable venue for you. You are doing the best that you can given your situation, and that is character in action. Keep up the good work. Its a pretty messes up world that we live in, and people like you are what we need in order to keep things right for the little ones, and each other. I will walk a while with you tonight spiritually, because I know that you feel all alone sometimes. Me, too. God bless you! -Mike

Don't take that as rash or vindictive please.. For the last 3 years I've looked the other way while my wife mentally abused and to a lesser effect physically abuse our oldest son. I am angrier at myself for not doing something sooner than I am at my wife for leaving with an OM as she has. I am still hurt and probibly will be for a long time, but I think the best thing for my wife to do now is to go do the things she didn't get to do when she was 18, she had already started with going to party's an not coming back till late the next day before she left. She started seeing other people 6 or more months ago. I am pretty sure now our marriage is over, it would take more counselling than I could imagine to take her back at this point. <BR>So I think the best thing for her and our children is for her to let me take care of them, and for her to seek counselling and maybe even go to college so she can support herself. (Makes me wish she had gone to college back when I first started asking her if she wanted to go.)<P>She just called an left a message while I was out with the kids, I suspect she has recieved her summons and restraining order. She wants me to call her back, but I'm not sure if I want to talk to her. I've already told her that I will not talk to her while she is seeing the OP. I realize my marriage is over, and I do not intend to hold any ill will towards any future relationships she has, but I can't stand to converse with her while she is still seeing the OM.<p>[This message has been edited by Forsaken (edited August 16, 2001).]

Totally understandable position. She will call back, you know that she will. You have obviously done all of your internal checks on the situation, and seem to be in 'agreement with yourself'. Good job! -Mike

Things turned out better than I planned. My wife, quite taken aback by the summons this morning finally agreed to sign over full custody to me with visitation of course. She loves her children, and I guess that love finally showed her that she cannot support them even with child support. She is making a huge sacrafice on her part to do this willingly, and I do applaud her for making the right decision when it came down to this. Plus this will hopefully spare our children from alot more anguish than they have already been through.