I have posted here a few times before but the last week has been extremely diffucult for me. My H of almost 11 years moved out of our home and in with the OW. On Sunday he called to talk to the kids and asked to talk to me and we talked for about 1/2 hour. He says he doesn't know if there is any chance for us anymore and he doesn't know how to fix what has happened he don't want to go back to how things were before and I told him neither do I. I still love him with all of my heart and will do anything to get him back to our family. The OW leaves for the Air Force in October and everyone says after that he will be back and begging to come home and while I hope that is true I am kinda scared because I know I will take him back in a heart beat but I really want him to change for the good. He says he is happy right now where he is at but he don't look or sound happy and it looks like he is losing weight. He always asks me if I am eating and sleeping and told me if I need anything to just call him. I know he is hurting I can see it everytime I look at him I just wish he would realize we can make everything 100 times better if he would just try. Does it sound like he is in the "fog" right now? I keep hoping he will come to his senses but he is killing everyone in this household. Why do they do this to the ones they "supposedly" love?

Yeah, that fog. We all hate it here.<P>I am kinda having a bad day, so forgive me if I sometimes seem a little harsh. <P>My h didn't say he was leaving for OW but I suspected it and today had it confirmed. It sux.<P>At least your h cares enough to phone and see if you are okay...it gives a glimmer of hope. Mine has not phoned often at all, thought he disputed this, says he has called when I'm out and has talked to the kids. They never told me! I have yet to confirm this.<P>Just remember that you can't change anyone but yourself....you want him to change...it won't happen unless HE wants it to. Presently my h doesn't want to change...and I am so annoyed right now I say it's his loss.<P>Read all you can here and do what you can...it may or may not work. <P>Good luck!<P><BR>

Hi, I can relate to your pain... My husband is having an affair and I have tried to encourage him to fight for this marriage. He just says that his feelings for her are so strong. I was reading a book this morning called How To Win Your Husband Back by Gary Smalley and it just seems to give me hope. Know that there is hope. The hope doesn't lie in your husband, however, it lies in God and you. By the advice of my pastor, I told him, "I don't know if you understand or even care, but if you are going to live like you are married to another woman, then pack your bags and leave." Much has happened from then and now, but nonetheless, he is living with a guy-friend (so he says, i don't really know, but that is not the important thing). I told him the night he left I love him and am committed to this marriage, but until he is able to cut off ALL contact with her (cell phone, seeing her, email etc...) then don't come back. I then told him that if he decided to go through with the divorce then I will see him at the arbitration hearing (court). So his choice is either 1.Me or 2.Her (divorce) He cannot have both. I am not sure how I would deal with things differently if we had kids. I am thankful we don't although there was a time when I wish we did so then it would hopefully make him feel guilty and he would want to keep the family together. <BR> Anyway, my advice to you is to pray for your husband, pray for those who are around him, pray that God breaks his heart so bad that he falls on his face and cries to God for help and direction. A lot of people may disagree with me on this but I know that God hears prayers and he is eager to answer. Just give God time and know that whatever the outcome, God is on your side and only wants the best for you. Most importantly, ask God to give you peace and strength to endure this trial. I believe that the most important and special relationship in life is the one we have with God. And when that relationship is right, all the others seems to be all the more special. I am praying for you and your family.

Hi Shell,<BR>Just remember one thing you can not change him.. You need to look at yourself and change the things you do not like and work on yourself.. Everything will fall into place if it is meant to.. Your H I'm afraid is hiding behind a wall.<BR>He went to see if the grass was greener on the other side and maybe it wasn't. This is still not exceptable and he needs to understand that...<P>Nina, <BR>Sweetie so sorry.. I wish I could hug you now... Well if ya wanna talk about it you know where we all are..<P>Wishing us all well<P> Janet