Havent read too many threads..but in general it seems not many. I would like to hear from those people who do go on to become good friends with their exs. Personally, I would have no problem with my ex. Kicking her out seemed to give me good closure on her cheating on me and running up my credit cards. Granted, i wouldnt let her near my wallet or my home...but I certainly think I could talk, laugh, catch up and even hang out with her...if only she were not so pissed off at me for kicing her out and then getting involved with someone else

I am on good terms with my x husband. We have been divorced 1 1/2 yrs. We were married 13 years. He left last year because he said he was tired of fighting all the time and he wanted to pursue a girl in his office. We were always more friends married than lovers so it hasn't been hard to be friends now. He is actually a great x husband and father.

Well, I think that's the road I'm heading down. I'm finding it more difficult to end friendly than to sit in my anger and bitterness over the fate bestowed on me. But, I'm finding it much more rewarding in the long run.<P>We're not divorced yet... separated and living in a duplex (he's upstairs). <P>I feel sad though that we can get along this well now since we've lost that *lovin'* feeling... too bad as I still think he's the man for me! Oh well... life goes on. At this point, it's not about me but about making this transition as easy on the kids as possible. We take it one day at at time...<P>I'm keen to hear of other's stories as well... some have NO contact with their spouse and a lot of pain and bitterness. GRANTED, I've not had to endure the heart rendering of sexual infidelity that some people have had to go through. THAT likely would make it a whole 'nother story for this feisty gal!<P>Cheers! <P>------------------<BR><I>The new country is where you are called to go, and the only way to go there is naked and vulnerable</I> ~ Henri Nouwen

I do my best to get along with my XW for the benefit of our daughter, but that's where I stop.<P>I only want her to leave me in peace. I'm so tired after trying so hard only to have her lie and cheat.<P>My friends don't cheat on their spouses and divorce them, so NO, my XW is not my friend.<P>Kevin

My first, and hopefully only exwife have a decent relationship. We talk online and on the phone when necessary. I think what keeps us in touch is our son, even though he's going to be adopted soon. A few years ago, before I got involved with my current wife, I had the chance to try and resolve the issues in our marriage. She wanted me and I wanted someone else. She had left me because she was from another country and homesick and she didn't realize that marriage was a commitment. By the time she did, I had moved on and found someone else. She did her best to ruin my budding relationship, but love proved stronger. LOL What my ex-wife couldn't accomplish, I apparently have. But, to the topic at hand, I still talk to my ex occasionally and, while I may not regret our divorce, I do regret the consequences of it. She is a good person and she has done an excellent job of raising our son. For that, I count myself lucky. <P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

I think it is possible to be on friendly terms with an ex.<P>I also think ALOT of it has to do with that it completely has to be because both parties are willing to make it amicable and decent- which personally, I think is the "adult" thing to do when there are kids involved. Unfortunately- it seems the majority of Ex Spouses aren't mature enough to think beyond themselves- which of course makes sense because generally- that kind of selfishness led to the demise of the marriage in the first place right?<P>My STBX and I can co exist. He cheated on me during the almost ten years of our marriage for atleast 5 1/2 of it with over 8 people (that I know of- that is all he has admitted to)- so basically- for most of my twenties- he was screwing someone else. (thru two pregnancies also)<P>I look at him now- and he has changed alot- but even if he hadn't- I think that I could tolerate him- I mean good grief- I put up with him when he was an [censored] for 6 years and I didn't even know why- so know that I know his reasons for acting so stupid and nasty all the time- hey- what worse can happen ya know?? Honestly, he could show up to pick up the kids tomorrow with another girlfriend and I don't think I'd care- too tired- and basically- it's HIS life now...<P>We have three kids- so no matter how much I were to hate him, rant, rage, and act like I FEEL like acting- all I would be doing in the long run is hurting them. There are so many ways that we will always be connected in some way- first dates, proms, graduations, weddings, grand babies (and hopefully in that order )- I don't want to burn my half of the bridge- even though he has burnt his half off to me... Does that make sense? Even down to child support- It is kind of like plan A-ing with divorce- I told him I don't need it- I can take care of myself and them- he is continuing to deposit his whole check into the account so the kids and I are taken care of....The less I rant and rave- the more he gives (and not just financially either)<P>I'm with Kevin though on part of it- I don't think I would consider a man who lies, cheats, and has basically- no integrity or ability to be kind and committed as my friend- whether it is my ex or anyone else I know....he knew the devastation that cheating on me would bring to me (because of past childhood history and family situations)- so when he of all people, decided that he hated me enough to be unfaithful??? It makes me seriously re-evaluate if I should even call him a friend. Friends don't do those things to eachother in my book.<P>Luckily for our kids- he has turned his life over to God and is becoming daily- an awesome father to them- and trying hard to atleast be a friend to me (but I'm still in self defense mode )<P>I applaud all of those who are able to get along with their Ex- it says alot for their character in general!<BR>LOL<BR>TLFM

<BR>I have a good relationship with xw, as long as she follows the rules: Leave a voicemail message (before 10 pm) or send email.<P>I have no interest in being friendly with a selfish, lying, immoral hypocrite. I will deal with her as much as I have to in order to care for the kids, but I don't spend any more time than necessary with her and I stick to business.<P>I tried very hard to have a friendly relationship with her but it was just too painful to listen to her and look at her. She's stunningly beautiful, but of course beauty is only skin deep. I know what's inside.<P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR>

I too have no relationship with x and am not looking for one. She refuses to cooperate on anything, even little things like telling me when she is picking up/dropping off the kids.<P>Any time I do have an issue with her she gets all defensive and I lose my temper and it goes south from there. <P>I have sent her two letters recently concerning some maoney matters. Even her letter came back defensive, she hasn't answered the second.<P>Today when she picked up the kids, there were no words spoken between us, which is fine with me.

I get along okay with my ex, but it has taken almost three years from the time of the divorce to get to this point. Infidelity played a part, so it took along time for me to get over the anger,and heartache. I think the turnaround came when I was finally able to begin the process of forgiveness. Triggers still rear their ugly head on occasion, but the time between them is longer. Today would have been our 32nd wedding anniversary, and it had slipped my mind until I wrote out a check and was putting the date on it! A wave of sadness came over me for a brief period and then I was okay, and just went on about business as usual. <BR>Like others we will always have a connection because of children. He is still with the OW he left me for, and I still have some resentment about that, because they made it past the 2 yr mark, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, and I finally stopped trying. Also, like so many others, I got to the point where I just don't really care anymore, because life will take care of all of us, one way or the other.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>She's stunningly beautiful, but of course beauty is only skin deep. I know what's inside.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can totally relate....part of what led to the demise of my marriage.<BR>

I have been seperated for 16 mos and D for 2.5 mos. No children from marriage.<P>Well, silly me. I "thought" I was in a Plan B for the rest of my life concerning my XH, and if there was to be any contact, I would Plan A him. (dumb, dumb)<P>Just recently, I talked to Steve Harley and he told me that you do not Plan A anyone but your "WS", you do not Plan A friends or family either. Because if you did they'd walk all over you because you are basically "boundaryless" in Plan A. These were Harley's words precisely.<P>So now, I will not take any more emotional abuse from my XH. Harley told me if my XH calls and starts the "I love you and I miss you" and then says in the same breathe, "but I'm staying with OW", I am to tell him to pls stop saying that and if he persists, to simply say "bye" and hang up on him. Harley said my XH's words and actions are very uncaring.<P>So, to answer your question UnNecessary, I am not in good relations with my XH. A relationship with him is too destructive. I wish it could be different, I truly do, but being friends is not a consideration anymore.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 18, 2001).]

I can be friendly, an adjective describing my behavior, but i will not be a friend. i can understand makingmistakes, i made as many as the next person, but i can't forgive lack of self forgiveness, and emotional and controlling behavior.<P>and it takes a longer while than i thought to get rid of the anger of her not wanting to work on herself or us at all, not chance of reversing the decision when she didn't tell me she was having problems with us.<P>