Lark......<P> I am who I am and I don't need anybodys approval. I don't care what kind of respone you give me. I read them all . Even if you don't agree with me thats your opinion but I don't get upset like you seem to think. If people judge me then thats there problem. And your wrong I have not wrote back cause nothing for me to write back on lately from your respones. I know I deserve to be really happy one day. Don't know when that will come or if it will. But I pretend now thats all I know how to do right now. Take care all. Keep our chins up as I try.

Wonder,<P>May I ask, what are your plans in the immediate future? Are you planning to wait until your children are a certain age and then leave your H?

Wonder,<P>I think I understand exactly where you are at right now... it's a crappy place to be. If I remember correctly, you've said that your huband has stopped drinking? But are you still dealing with the years of misery while he was drinking? Does your husband go to AA or some other program, did he get help to quit or just stop on his own, or is he now a "dry drunk"?<P>If neither of you are getting any help, just because he stopped drinking doesn't mean the problems will have gone away.<P>You deserve to feel better, you can feel better, you just need to find the way to break through the hurt. Have you read any books about Co-Dependency and alcoholism? Knowledge is the first place to start. Find "Co-Dependent No More" and "The Language of Letting Go" both by Melody Beatte(sp?). <P>I know you are trying, and looking for answers, else you wouldn't be here... sometimes it's hard just to figure out the right questions to ask!<P>I have to go now, but I really feel for you and hope I can offer some helpful suggestions. I know what you've been through, I understand. People who haven't lived this life have a harder time really understanding... I think they are compassionate and want to help, but where they may see negativity, I can see pain.<P>I know I'm reading between the lines here, and if I'm wrong please understand I mean no offense.<P>Take Care<P>EDIT:<P>Wonder, I read back through this thread and see that you have seen a therapist... has it helped? I'm getting ready to start my third round next week... but I feel better already because I've found one at a substance abuse treatment center, they treat the family as well as the alcoholic. I did leave my husband last year, for about 6 months, but I was so torn with not knowing what was really best for my daughter, felt so guilty for not giving her the family life I wanted her to have (she's 4 1/2 now), angry with myself for not being stronger, for putting up with his stuff, bitter from all the ugly things he'd say to me over the years, angry that I let him... talk about bottled up! Then what happens, he said all the right words seemed to understand, and I went back... without any agreements or ground rules... so here we are again. I think I realize now, I'm staying for me and for the hope of finding a way to first get him better and then to make this marriage work, because I can't bring myself to give up yet... if I leave it will be because I've done everything possible, and because that will be what is really best for my daughter... if it weren't for her, I probably would have the strength to keep trying, but I also would have the strength to leave if it comes to that... I would probably just stay and live my own life.<P>Take Care.<p>[This message has been edited by yy (edited June 03, 1999).]

LaurieC ......<P> No no plans as of yet. There for awhile it was like fighting all the time I wanted him out. He has threatened to leave 4 times then says it would kill him not coming home to the kids. I think he does it to hurt me or think he can hurt me that way and make me feel guilty. I need to at least hold out through the summer for the kids. Then when school starts back will look for more work. Hope that help answer your question.<P> YY........<P> He quit drinking on his own. I sat down about two summers ago after I looked at the whole picture and said you quit drinking or I am out of here,. It was later I realized what pain all those abusive words had done to me. I went to thereapy for a year. Yes it helped me. At least help me to realize I was not the bad person for keeping my mouth shut for so long. I am staying and still here for my kids. I have no in love feelings for him. They left when I realized what I had been all those years. It was not a wife it was a sitter for a drinker. I have put the drinking for those years to rest for the most part. But in the meantime I lost how to feel like a woman again. I still am not sure. I quit going to thereapy but still on anti-depressants. They take the edge off. I am trying to find me again. There have also been problems with us cause of his family. How they have treated me. And he knows that but always stuck up for his family not me. You know how that feels. You spouse not sticking up for his own family. It also happened with my son and that kind of said it all right there to me. He is I will admit so much better person and father since no drinking. He does have a wine now and then but thats about it. Your right about one thing YY nobody knows how that abuse feels unless they have actually been there. My thereapist did tell us together that is drinking was only part of our problems that we never really communicated in all those years. Sad huh. Guess I really shut my eyes more then I will ever know. But when you are busy with little ones and a house and a job you don't pay that much attention. I have come to realize that too. I know if were not for my kids I would have been gone 2 years ago. I think some people change so much that you can never really go back to a beginning that was never really there.You understand what I am saying there? Well hope this helped both of you somewhat. I will look forward to your reading more from you. I just keep praying God will let me out when the time is right and lend me the road I should take for a better ME.