We've beem married for 10 yrs and have two beautiful little girls...I cheated on my husband with a co-worker. Didn't sleep with him, but we did have oral sex. This is now over with. I knew from the beginning that this was only about sex and nothing else. My husband was suspicious and after many fights and denials on my part, I told him the truth. He's already left the house and has spoken with a lawyer. I know there's no chance of reconciliation and I'm "sad" about it because I don't think I love him anymore. But I do miss him and i know our 2 kids do too!! He's told his familty about my fling and I feel so embarrased and guilty for doing this to him. He's a decent guy and didn't deserve this but it's done and I know I screwed up big time. I guess my question is how do I get over this guilt and what do I tell my kids when they ask why their daddy isn't with us?? Help please!!<p>[This message has been edited by feeling guilty! (edited August 17, 2001).]

I believe that all we can do is to admit our short commings and try to make amends for what we have done and not make the same mistake again, you might want to try counseling with him. After you have done all you can do you have no need to feel guilt for the past, there is nothing you can do to change it, but you can do everything possible to make amends to the ones you love, then it is up to them to learn to forgive, You are allowed to forgive yourself for making a mistake. We all do things we live to regret, that doesn't mean you have to punish yourself or be punished forever.<P>

I, too, was responsible for my spouse leaving me. In my case, my mistress was alcohol, but the betrayal is the same - you feel that you've not only betrayed your spouse, but yourself by not living up to who you wanted to be.<P>Self inflicted pain does seem to have an extra sting. There is no opportunity for righteous indignation at the other party. And self reflection becomes difficult when you don't like the image in the mirror.<P>But as has been said before, you can't change the past, only learn from it. Although you have said it was only about sex, you should try to look at the underlying reasons that you were seeking sexual fulfillment outside your marriage. Only then will you be able to learn the lessons you need to <BR>from your experience.<BR>