Nellie,<P>My Friend, I am worried about you. I admire your love for your EX and your hope for his return someday. I'm not saying it won't happen I hope for your sake it does. <P>I just worry that you live in a state of constant misery. Life is way to short for that. What happened is horrible. I many times wish that my EX had died only for the fact that I wouldn't have to deal with alot of the feelings I have been faced with. But he didn't die and I had to look deep inside of myself and us to find answers.<P>I just wish you wouldn't take such offense to the rest of us who have reconciled with the fact that our lives have changed and we need to move forward. <P>You mentioned in a post about how your kids won't have alot to do with their Dad. Maybe they are seeing more clearly than you are. The good times are still there. I look back alot and laugh about the good times we shared. Nobody can take that away. But I need to make happy memories without him now and so do you. <P>Please don't be offended with me. I just really care. <P>Jill

Nellie, you have so many friends here that care about you!!!!! Can't you see that through our postings????? At some point in time, you have to let go and move on. We have all cried, been angry and been hurt, but life goes on. Now is the time to focus on yourself and find out what makes Nellie happy.<P>Simple things make me happy, just taking a bubble bath and relaxing with a beer, painting my toe nails/finger nails, doing any kind of arts/crafts, working in the yard, laying in the backyard on a blanket staring at the stars watching for a "falling star", listen to the frogs/crickets. None of these things cost money.<P>Just for me, DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF this weekend and let us all know what it was, we care or else we wouldn't be on this forum.

Dear Nellie,<P>So, we come to this place again. <P>Every once in awhile, people worry about you, and want to help you see the positives in life, don't they? <P>Nellie, you are so intelligent (woman, you can write, and I hope you are doing something in life that includes writing), and you have much to give the world.<P>I do pray that your H comes out of his depression, fog, bad place, and realizes who's been waiting for him. <P>Take care, Nellie, and thank you so much, again, for caring about my story.<P>Sheryl

Jill,<P>It not exactly that I am taking offense. I just don't understand how people can change the way they feel about another person after many years. Although I've had friendships that faded after one of us moved away, the last time I ended a friendship with anyone I was in 6th grade. Some of my interests have changed over time, but all my convictions are pretty much the same as they were when I was a teenager - my beliefs about religion, divorce, alcohol - pretty much everything. <P>My two oldest kids want nothing to do with their father, but that is not the case for the younger ones. Although they are often disappointed and terribly angry with him, they are still pretty much desperate to spend time with him. My son in particular has said on several occasions that if his father were to come back, he would welcome him with open arms. <P>elliott,<P>Thanks for your concern. I can find things to do that are enjoyable, but that isn't really the same thing as being happy. I've gone back to work, I've volunteered, I've gone back to graduate school, I take the kids places, I've packed up and moved out of our house. But it is a rare night that I don't dream about my H - and no, I almost never dream about the OW, I just have "normal" dreams with my H in them. <P>Life goes on after your spouse dies, too. Fortunately nobody encourages you to believe that you are better off without them or that your life with them really wasn't so great. <P>Sheryl,<P>Thank you for caring. And thanks for the compliment - the funny thing is that my former boss used to criticize my writing style, yet praise my ability to get along with everyone. Oh, well. <P>It's easy to put up a web page with a message board. Perhaps I should start a non-sectarian message board for people standing for their marriage. I wonder how much traffic I'd get.