I'm just speaking my mind a little, because I gave my wife a letter basically telling her that she has until Nov 18th to come out of her fog. I told her she needs to do the following if she wants to come back and work on her marriage, and if she doesn't I'm filing for divorce. <P>She needs to:<BR>1. Totally stop seeing/communicating with OM and change jobs so she never sees him. She's only worked there for 6 months and it's not a great job for her.<BR>2. Apologize for the pain she's caused me and tell me that she wants to work on our marriage with her whole heart. <BR>3. Agrees to go to marriage consoling with me.<BR>4. Goes through with Dr. Harley's plans and agreement to try our best to deal with each other.<P>I don't really think she will even try to come back, and I was just going to make it Oct 1st, but I felt I needed to give her just a little more time to ease my mind that I didn't give up or give her too little time. I really never see my marriage getting better or healing if she doesn't meet these four demands, so what's a husband suppose to do. I don't want the person she has become back, but I want my wife whom I married back. What do you MBer's think about my requests? I realize a lot of you waited for a year or two, so 4 or 5 months must not seem like much, but I don't see us healing or getting back together. It would be hard for me to take her back. <P>Just a note, <BR>FF63

I am in the same boat except my husband didn't leave for another woman, he left to spend more time with his manipulative mother and a father and brother who never made time for him and for motorcycle chassis. Go figure. You can see my story on the divorce page titled, "need advice on divorce." I've read through all the pages and have been chatting with others and it has help already. I've also have been ready other web sites and psychology books. You asked about the plan b, I'm still trying to get that down. Ironically, I just happened to be in the plan B stage, sort of. I stopped talking to my husband but I didn't send any letter. I tried a lot of the tips in plan A (although I knew nothing about it at the time but I was being very nice) and the nicer I got the more he took advantage of me. So finally I said, fine, you want a divorce, you don't want anything to do with me, then I don't want anything to do with you. And a few days ago, I got on the phone briefly and he said that, "it's nice to hear your voice." He still said that he wanted a divorce so I'm back to no talking to him and it's driving him crazy. I don't know about the time limit thing, but in some respects it will give you the opportunity for closure. Even if she doesn't come back by then, you can still implement other strategies and not tell her about it. With plan B, are you supposed to write an ultimatum letter? I thought your list of what you want her to do was very good by the way. One good thing about this site is you see people out there that do suceed in getting their spouses back. Good luck. Keep me posted.