lEE SHOWED ME THE POSTS REGARDING MOVING CHILDREN UPON REMARRIAGE AND STEP-PARENTING ROLES. MOST NOT ALL SEEM TO SUPPORT MY POSITION, BUT MOST ARE FROM WOMEN. I'D LIKE TO HEAR A MALE PERSPECTIVE. WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER ALMOST TWO YEARS AND MARRIAGE ON MY TIMETABLE IS ABOUT TWO YEARS BECASUE MY OLDEST DAUGTHER GRADUATES THEN I DON'T WANT TO MOVE HER AT THIS TIME. EVERYOTHER WEEKEND FOR LEE AND I IS DIFFICULT AND I DO WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM. WHEN I MOVE, MY SON WILL BE GOING INTO HIGH SCHOOL AND MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER INTO JUNIOR HIGH. SAME KIDS, BUT DIFFERENT SCHOOL. I FEEL IT WILL BE EASIER FOR THEM IF I WAIT. IT IS DIFFICULT. LEE SEEMS TO THINK IF MOVING ONE NOW IS BAD, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN HOW THE OTHER KIDS WILL FEEL IN TWO YEARS. THEY WON'T WANT TO MOVE THEN BUT I BELIEVE AT THOSE AGES IT WILL BE EASIER FOR THEM. I KNOW ALMOST FOUR YEARS IS LONG TIME TO WAIT AND OUR TIME TOGETHER NOW IS LIIMITED. SO GUYS, WHAT DO YOU THINK(OR LADIES TOO). DAWN

I don't know your whole story, but any move can be difficult especially for kids changing schools, however kids seem to accept and adopt very well to new situations, I think that it is important to consider the kids and there lives, but I also think you have to consider what you want since the kids won't be there for ever you are allowed to have the life you want also. if you are in love and destine to be together then you will over come the obstacles of waiting, it shouldn't be a problem if that is what you decide and if he loves you he will respect your needs and the needs of your children. Take care of yourself<P>

Dawn, I do hope that you will forgive me for being forward enough to decide to answer the question of <I>my choice</I>, rather than the one you are asking. You and Lee have a <B>difference of opinion</B> regarding a potentially stressful change of lifestyle <B>in general</B>, and it is taking its meaning and definition in the situation involving the kids, and school. Very safe. The other questions are not so easy, are they? You have stated that you want to spend the rest of your life with Lee. You state that with convinction...good, that's all that's required for now. I assume that you feel confident that Lee shares that sentiment...do you? Then, the issues of the mechanics are irrelevant, and you should not try to make them take meaning with respect to that. Its a little dangerous, I equate things of that nature to juggling nitroglycerine, or chainsaws....looks cools, but zero room for error! It is not smart to juggle major life defining things in that manner! Truth is, your kids care less about where they go to school, than they do with how you feel...even though the little buggers try to show you otherwise sometimes!<P>All I am trying to say is to really keep a good bead on what things say about the larger picture, and don't forget to be Gumby...totally flexible! God bless. -Mike

Thanks for the two responses so far. It is difficult. I think one of the problems I had earlyu on was a feeling I wsa being put in the position of making a choice of what was more important-Lee or the kids. Not very comforting and almost like an ultimatim, although it was not put this way by him but that is how I felt. I didn't write alot because he had so much on his. I can't remember how he posted, I think it was Stepcildren, discipline, etc. and Moving children after remarriage. There was alot of detail there although it was written by him from his perspective. I'm not sure we have the same sentiments. He feels the relationship is not moving after two years and will stay the same as far as seeing each other the next two years and it looked like he said maybe he couldn't wait that long. Im flexible though. If this gets to diffiuclt to haandle, I possibly would move the date up for moving. Dawn

Right you are, Dawn...that is what I was trying to say. There is a concept called a meta-state...it is a state about a state. We often get defensive when these issues come up, and here we are, on the same side of the fence. Lots of LBing for no good reason...its sad, it is what ended my marriage...because left unchecked, it escalates, and eventually, you forget what you are 'fighting for', which amounts to nothing in the end. So, the idea is to get to the core issue, resolve that one, and let the chips fall where they may. It helps to try to extract what these things mean to both of you...you might be surprised to find out that you attach different meanings to them, and one, or both of you feel threatened. You can make a molehill out of this mountain, but you really have to want to, and so does Lee. I would day good luck, but I do not believe in luck, so I will just wish you success! -Mike<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited August 20, 2001).]

Thanks again. Not sure what LBing is or exactly what a metastate is. Lee and I don't really fight. We spend hours on the phone talking sometimes and talk everyday a few times. I know we attach different meanings to words. He listens to everyword and i use words sometimes that mean something to me but not the same to him. For example, I said I believe I will move in a couple years instead of I know I will move in a couple years. He took as a maybe, i'm not sure and I meant it as I'm sure. The problem can be if he is not sure, then where are we. I would love to be with him now but i feel my daughter should finish high school here sinc e she will be a junior shortly and again his response is the next oldest will be starting high school when i feel more comfortable moving the kids. He doesn't see the difference. I moved from New York to Ohio when I was a freshman and my oldest brother was a junior(job relocation for my dad) and we both hated moving but after the first day of school we were fine. But, this is different and I don't feel comfortable pulling her out now but feel the youngest will be have four or more years in a new school and will be fine. i like your responses, although I don't completely understand LBing and metastate thing. Dawn