Hi everyone-<BR>My ex moved to NYC to be an actor a month ago..we have been divorced (I think) a little over a month. After not talking the first week he was there, he has called me every single day. He says he loves me, knows we are supposed to be together, etc. He is so miserable in NYC, but he doesnt understand because thats where he's wanted to be for about 13 years. Last night he said he's turning his cell phone off, because he wants a break. He said he<BR>loves me, but its too much for him to handle right now because he's so confused. He said his heart is telling him to get on the next plane and come back home, but his mind wont let him. He said he cant bring himself to come home after a month when he's wanted it for so long. He said he wants to be happy there, but hasn't been successful...Do you think he will just get over me if he doesnt talk to me? He said he just wants to live in solitude for<BR>a while and deal with "him" on his own. He said he can guarantee he will love me even more after the "break". Does this make sense? I know he loves me more than I knew even when we were married, thats why this is so confusing. <P>Does anyone have any good advice? Has anyone been here before??? PLEASE HELP!!! I am going crazy!!!!!!!<P>Val<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by winchet:<BR>My ex moved to NYC to be an actor a month ago... He says he loves me, knows we are supposed to be together, etc. He is so miserable in NYC, but he doesnt understand because thats where he's wanted to be for about 13 years.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Does he say why he thinks he's better off chasing this dream alone, than with the support of the woman who loves him? It makes no sense to me- I know first hand how difficult making a career in the arts is, and I can't imagine trying to do it alone if I didn't have to. There seems to be no relation between "I'm moving to NYC to be an actor" and "I want a divorce."<P>

He says he has always pushed everyone in his life away because NYC is where his real life would begin...me included...of course we had our problems, but he now realizes that his way of thinking caused a lot of them...he used to think being married and having kids was stupid, but he says all he notices up there are kids and married people. He says the divorce is probably the stupidest mistake he's ever made, but he doesnt understand why he cant come back...

It looks like your only choice is to give him some time. Don't pester him to come back or be with you. My husband left me a few months ago and that's the advice everyone has given me. I've been told the more you try to get them back - the further you push them away. I believe this is true because when I was trying to call him and talk to him, he didn't want anything to do with me but then I stopped talking to him altogether and all of a sudden he wants to talk. As difficult as it is, for now I would stop calling him and let him call you, he eventually will call you about something. Then when he does call, be nice, try to fulfill his emotional needs but don't ask him to come back - if he wants to come back, he'll let you know. In the meantime, keep yourself busy and get involved with some things. Work out - that's what I did and it has saved my sanity. When he calls, be upbeat and positive and talk happy talk. I think it will work out; it sounds like he is very confused right now. My husband is the same way - he's not making any sense, none of our friends can understand it either. I wish you luck. Keep the faith. <BR>Katie

Thanks so much for the advice...its hard to do, but I know its the only thing to do!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by winchet:<BR>...he used to think being married and having kids was stupid, but he says all he notices up there are kids and married people. He says the divorce is probably the stupidest mistake he's ever made, but he doesnt understand why he cant come back...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. He takes deep breaths and the cold air goes to his brain and makes him more sensible. He starts out on the short walk to the house where people love him and will be happy to see his face."<P>- Garrison Keillor, Lake Wobegon Days<P><p>[This message has been edited by dabigtrain (edited August 20, 2001).]