My husband of 14 yrs. told me about 1 1/2 mos ago that he wasn't happy anymore. We discussed divorce right away. However, over the last few weeks has been a complete roller coaster ride with good days and bad days. He doesn't talk to anyone about his problems--let's it all sit inside. He has never been a big talker. We have talked a few times--seems to feel the same as when we first talked. He also has been stressed out at work a lot the last 3 yrs--and I think that plays into this somewhat. He has opened up about that when I've talked to him, or when his parents did this past weekend. Our problems started end of May--when his work got busy--he started being gone a lot--going to bar--which he's never done before. This made me upset, and I would nag him some, plus he wasn't talking to me much--so I'd bug him more asking what was wrong. Also towards end of June, I quit my new job--was not happy with it, and think the stress at home also had a factor with my not being happy. Prior to his saying not happy anymore--when I'd ask what was wrong--would say maybe will be better when work slows down, and another time that he was getting harrassed at work, harrassed by me, and didn't know when we'd run out of money (since I wasn't working). Thru other discussions--has said that with work and when I was bugging him--being harrassed 24 hrs a day. He says he can't relax at home. He has also said he doesn't know why he isn't happy with me or can't have fun. He has said we don't do stuff together, like fishing, camping, etc. He has not asked me to go fishing in years--and never camping. He says I'm not the outdoorsy type--but I've never said no, cause he's never asked. However, in last few weeks when I've asked to do stuff together with him--he doesn't want to. I've told him from the beginning I love him and would change anything about myself. He said he doesn't want me to change. I've lost 20 lbs in the last few weeks, been having sex a lot more, trying to be as nice as I can. (Sex better than it ever has been) He won't go to counseling--says costs too much. I feel our marriage is worth any amt. of money. We did have a talk not too long ago, and I pretty well said that if he didn't want to work things out, should just divorce right away, and also since he was the unhappy one, maybe he should be the one to move out. (this is far from what I really want--just want things to be good again) After that talk he went to bar for a couple hrs--came home and was nice. Next day he was super nice--touching and hugging alot. I was maybe going to leave that day--just to get a way for a couple days--and he was all concerned about where I was going. I just left for a couple hours--I can't seem to ever leave. When came home he was so nice--complete turnaround. (I had gone to his parents place for a couple days a couple weeks before--I wanted to be home so bad--but he was nice for a little bit after then too) The day after--he even said a friend was to call if going fishing, if not we could go. His friend did call--but it was progress--felt like he was actually trying. Had a couple good days after that, then a bad night. I over re-acted when he was at the bar late on a weeknight. He ended up taking off at 2:30am--driving fast, having been drinking, and mad. Didn't come home till noon the next day--didn't even go or call into work. I was so worried about him. That afternoon he hugged me really tight and said he was sorry. Was decent that day. Then the next evening after work--didn't even talk to me. All along he's said he doesn't think trying to work things out will help--but once in a while lets stuff slip--we are working on our house--wants to finish up and get things situated before one of us moves out. Probably will have to sell the house--but he'll talk about finishing house--to sell or for us--like maybe a small chance. He has said doesn't want to divorce right away, like wait a while to work on paying off some bills, getting house done, etc. I can't live how we are right now--too emotional. His mom had said when they talked this past weekend that he's pretty stubborn and doesn't think he'll change his mind--but had said we'll see (to maybe working things out) Guess he did also talk a lot about work. I honestly think he doesn't know for sure what he wants--probably needs more time, but is so hard on me. We do have 2 kids--14 yrs and 10yrs. We also live in a small town. Any suggestions on this?
