My wife and I are now approximately 2 months into our season in hell. I am at a total loss of what to do and I am desperate for any help at all. <P>She has so much baggage from her past and I have certainly added to the list of crap she has had to tolerate in her life. To make matters worse, she is trying to end our marriage in the midst of dealing with a huge emotional and mental issue in bulimia and depression.<P>Her parents divorced when she was relatively young and that scarred her for life. Her mother was left to care for her and her two brothers and often left them home alone while she went out at night. To make matters worse, she was the victim of sexual abuse at the hands of her mother's live in boyfriend (still unknown to the mother). While sex did not occur he still tried improper things with her and that clearly constitutes sexual abuse. <P>When she was in college she was the victim of a date rape. This has caused her great pain and I am not certain that has ever been fully dealt with, much like the anger she feels toward her father for leaving her.<P>As a result of her low self esteem she now has an eating disorder and has been diagnosed with clinical depression. She is on Wellbutrin and I am in hopes this will be good for her. Further she is seeing a psychiatrist as well and I hope that helps also.<P>As for selfish me, where should I begin? The countless times I left her alone to go golfing or out with friends, the late nights at the office because I didn't feel the need to come home, my incredible jealousy, the list of my sins is endless. I realize now what a terrible, controlling jerk I have been and I really want to help her and stand by her but she will have none of that. Of all people she has run to her mother and brother (also divorced) for support. She refuses to tell her mom of the abuse of her old boyfriend, or the uncomfort of the way her step father hugs her, because she feels it is pointless and will only hurt her and solve nothing. <P>Last night we had a difficult argument because she did not come home and our daughter (8) did not know where she was and I had to get my mother to watch our children while I went to my counselor because I had no idea where she was or when she would be home. When she finally returned home I demanded she speak with our children and she agreed being very vague with them and giving no course of action.<P>Before she went to bed, or collapsed actually, she told me she couldn't do this, break up our family, and told me she would go to a counselor with me and "everything will be alright". I know full well it will not be, but I don't know what to do. I do want her to get better, but I also want to save our family. I am going to a counselor and as she says "I am doing everything right" and she resents that. She says all the time that I am the person I am and I can't change. I don't believe that, but I don't know how to show her if she expects perfection and will not even give me a chance. She says I have caused the most pain in her life, which I don't believe, and when she sees me all she sees is rage. We live in the same house, but only in body.<P>I am desperate and falling apart. Please enlighten me or what to think of her mental state and should I take her up on her offer to go to counseling and leave it at that? I love her and I am just starting to realize what sacrificial, unconditional love is and I pray for the miracle that it is not too late.<P>Thanks.
