I don't know what's worse, being friends or being enemies with the SBTX. We're still living together although my move-out day is soon. I still enjoy her company but at the same time it makes me so sad to sit and converse with her as if nothing is wrong. And she insists on treating our impending divorce as if it were nothing more than a blip on the radar screen of our friendship. Plus, although it's my fault I keep asking, she always wants to confide in me about the new romantic prospects in her life and how she is looking forward to having the intimacy we once had with someone else. I almost like it better when she is being angry with me.<BR>Plan A? I want to stay friends so I guess this is a good idea for now. But I don't have any hope anymore. She encourages me to date someone else and insists she will be happy for me. Once I move out, however, I want nothing to do with fulfilling her needs. I can't let her continue to use me when she has no more romantic interest in me. Maybe in a few years we can be close friends, but not now. Thanks for listening. Would like to hear some insight from others on this board. I've been reading your posts and I feel your pain. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I've been posting for just a couple weeks, but it sounds like your wife wants out and you want to stay together. It sounds like she wants to be single and your still hopeful that she will change her mind. Did she have an affair? I couldn't stand it if my wife was trying to tell me about her excited feelings that she's getting about hooking up with someone else. Her telling you to go see people is her saying, "Go do the same thing I'm doing to make me feel like it's an ok thing to do." I think she feels somewhat guilty about her feelings and actions with others since she's not divorced yet. <P>Did she tell you that you were both more just like friends than husband/wife/lovers? Anyone who wants out seems to say that they mistook their feelings for love in your relationship. Then they try to say that the whole time that you were just friends or "really good friends". <P>For me, I'm giving my wife until Nov, after that I really don't want to see or talk to her again if she doesn't want to try to work on our marriage and give up the Other Man. It's too painful to see her, and I know that in the future it will continue to pain me. I couldn't be friends with her after what she's done. Having an affair is like stabbing you in the back and throwing your love for them away. <P>Your story may be different, so take what you will from my reply.<P>Stay strong, and keep your head up!<BR>FF63

No, she didn't have an affair. A short time ago, we talked and decided the marriage was over. She took this as permission to start looking for someone else right away.<BR>Within two weeks, she was already planning a date with someone else. But nothing happened, and she hasn't actually dated anyone yet.<BR>She did tell me for the past two years or so that I was more a friend than a husband to her. I did neglect her needs badly, and maybe I don't deserve to get her back. And I don't know if I'm strong enough for plan A. Once she does start dating and sleeping with other men, I don't think I could take her back.<BR>Thanks for listening.

While I would like to be friends with stbx W/S I find it much too painful at this point. I dont want to be friends with anyone who lies to me, cheats on me, betrays me, "loves me but not in love" with me. All she cares about in the divorce is how much money she gets. She doesnt seem to care how I feel or that we are giving up 15 years as a family and a good marriage. I dont have a problem with child support. What I have a REAL problem with is alimony. Why do I not only have a W/s who wants a divorce and cant give me a reason and tell me theres nothing Ive done or didnt do: but who screws around on me and I have to pay her money for three friggin' years

Austin, <BR>It's easy to be bitter in your situation, but you're only going to hurt yourself. Women grow away from men. They feel tired and unfulfilled by their marriage, particularly if they are stay-at-home moms. They don't want to play that role forever, and I guess we can't blame them. This happens sometimes even if we did nothing to make it happen, even if we made them feel loved, which you probably did.<BR>It sucks that you got stuck for alimony. I know how it feels to take care of a woman financially while she goes to bed with some idiot who's done nothing for her. There's nothing you can do about it. Feel the pain. Scream, cry, and let it out so that at least you can stop hurting yourself.<BR>Thanks for replying to my post. Take care of yourself. You're all you've got now.