My wife and I have been seperated for a little over a week. She claimes she is open to a reconciliation. All she has ever said is I need some time by myself to get some things settled in my head. She has never really talked about getting a divorce. I realized that I had to go ahead and get moved out because everytime we saw each other, it became one major fight. I realized that no good things were going to happen until I could give her a date when I was moving out. I told when I was moving out and we just had our first civilized conversation. She was glad that I was buying a place instead of renting. I told her my intention was to use the mobile home as a rental unit if we ever got back togather. She asked my opinion as far as having her tubes tied. She told me that she would not be having any more kids. She asked if I would be O'K' with that if we get back together.<BR>Here is the kicker, she informed me that I needed to go on dates to get my mind off her. She has always said throughout this process that I need somebody better that her. She can't understand how I could love her as mean as she is. I think she feels we both must date other people to test our love for each other.<P>Does she really want my opinion as to her getting her tubes tied or is this some kind of ploy?<P>As far as seeing other people, I am a Christian. I have no desire to see other people. I want to make my marriage better and do not feel that this is the way. I know that she will see other people. Does anybody outthere have any idea what this means?

I don't know the whole story here, but I think dating other people would be a big realationship killer, it was important to me to remain faithful no matter what she did. It sounds to me like she is really looking for reassurance that you will love her no matter what. I also think it is important to remove the conflict from your marriage learn to listen and let her have her opion with out any judgment, everyone is aloud to have and opionion and just because someone disagrees doesn't make it wrong. the problem I had was someone always had to be right no matter what in my house and that is what created the conflict if I was right then she had to be wrong and I had to prove it or visa versa, well I have learned to just listen and accept what people say as there opinion.<P>

I think when a spouse feels guilty about how they have behaved they want to test the other spouse's commitment to them by provoking them to see others, file for D etc. I know my H did this because he felt guilty and couldnt see how I could ever forgive him for his affair. He wanted me to date or file for D so that he would feel less guilty about what he did.Guilt is a very powerful emotion. So is the idea of forgiveness- my H says he could never forgive me if I had an affair so why would I be able to forgive him? I am able to because at the time he confessed I had just finished a detailed Bible study about forgiveness and what it means to Christians. H seemed to need to 'test' me for awhile to see if I was wanting him back truly for himself or for financial, security/weakness reasons. The last thing that I wanted during this time was to get involved with someone else- that just complicates everything futher. ( though I did enjoy it when an attorney I know asked me out for coffee!- though I declined) . My pastor told us forgiveness is the key factor to recovering a marriage- this is what we are working together on now. Good luck-lifeismessy