I can't believe it, he filed for divorce. I am on the verge of jumping out the window. I can't believe he chose OW over me,our 3 children and all of our friends and family. What happened to the man I married? He has been living with OW since he left in Nov. D day March 29. <BR>In the papers he lied stating that we haden't had relations since Aug 1, 1999. We fooled around last month! He also stated he wants shared custody of the children. Here is a man who can only spend 5 hours on a sat or sun, not be here for Fathersday, not take his care of his children for a weekend at our home,(I would go away, of course). Take the OW away on vacation and not do anything with his children. We are to be going to NC next week with his whole family. His mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma last month and wanted all of her children and grandchildren to rent 2 homes and have a reat time together. Well he is not going, I have to go instead. WHAT A "GREAT PERSON". His excuse is that 2 other people are on vacation that is why. He knew about this in June. He could have done something.<BR>He is stil palying with my mind and heart. He was telling me I did not need to open the letter from his Lawyer. I had 35 days to reply. That's along time he said, you never know what could happen. He also said he dosen't know what he wants to do. Yeah right, he is the type of person that never likes to spend a dime. He gave a Lawyer 3g's for nothing, I doubt that.<BR>I called my Lawyer right away against my AH wishes, he said do you know that everytime you call or fax or anything they bill you. Of course I said that is why you pay the retainer. Your just wasting money. IM NOT THE ONE WHO MKOVED OUT, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO LIED ABOUT THE OW, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO KEEPS LIEING TO THE CHILDREN.:< Our 9 1/2 year old son asked him if Mommy any You are getting divorced. Do you know what he said to my son. I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS. What a looser, I am angry and so hurt I don't know what to do. I truly believed he would come out of the fog before it was too late. I just want to cry and hide util this whole nightmare is over with. <BR>

(((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>You have lived through a day many of us have yet to experience....you are still here, you are still strong, and you are still a good person. <P>We ALL hate that fog, which turns our spouses into something we don't even recognise. And such a fog, not even to see his own mother when she is so ill! Take heart, L, whatever happens you sound like a survivor, and you will get through this. Believe in what is in front of you, your children, your abilities and the things you can control. <P>It's so, so sad for you, I wish I could say more,<P>Nina

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nina too:<BR>[b](((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>(((((((((((((((Lostinny)))))))))))))))))<P>You have lived through a day many of us have yet to experience....you are still here, you are still strong, and you are still a good person. <P>We ALL hate that fog, which turns our spouses into something we don't even recognise. And such a fog, not even to see his own mother when she is so ill! Take heart, L, whatever happens you sound like a survivor, and you will get through this. Believe in what is in front of you, your children, your abilities and the things you can control. <P><BR>I JUST DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS ANYMORE. We had a good marriage. I am so afraid for my childre. How will I be here for them. I will need to return to work so I can have health benifits. I have a life time illness that requires going to specilists and having body scans done. <P>It's so, so sad for you, I wish I could say more,<P><BR>I know that you have been having a hard time too and wish I could offer you some advice to ease your pain. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I pray that everyone who is suffering from the pains of Adultery gain all the courage to move on. Mine seems to be dwindeling though I have wonderful friends and family. I ach sooo much for my children. The thought of that SLUT being near them makes me ill to my bones.<BR>Lost.<p>[This message has been edited by Lostinny (edited August 21, 2001).]

Lostinny,<P>Here's what I just did, because I am just livid right now and want to phone my h and LB to my heart's content.<P>I got onto Word and let my anger pour onto the page...not ONE bit of sadness, just pure anger, telling him how I KNOW about his "secret little affair" and called him and her whatever I wanted to and just let it all out. Then I read it through, and I trashed it.<P>It has made a marginal difference...I think I'll still LB when I see him because he took something from here that belonged to me, because it had her contact details on it...haha to him, I have her email in the pc, cos it came on my friend's mail to me. NOT that I'm going down that road, though I think I might send her carefully worded "how does it fel to take a man away from his children" letter just before I leave here.<P>I would have called her by now if I wanted to. She is a B**** and I would only get grief from doing that. You know that NLP stuff Mike is always posting...well she has just completed studies on that and got an A+. Basically NLP is all about subtle manipulation...my h would have fallen easily, he's just too approachable. <P>We had a good marriage, too, though he denys it now. His sister was telling me today about how the whole family is in disbelief...his folks visited us in April...you would think they would have noticed...but the second affair hs only been since end of June.<P><BR>GRRRRRRRRR!!!! I know how you hurt, I want to get off the merry-go-round too!<P>

I read some of the NLP, the OW is in sales and I am certain she NLP's to the hilt with my WS. I also know that she has been LBG big time. So now I have totally stopped. I am trying to give off the air of indifference although this has been so hard for me. <BR>Never , I mean never in my wildest imagination would I or anyone in our family or in our group of friends would have ever thought AH would have ever done this.<BR>I just mailed off the papers I received to my Lawyer she will have everything prepared while I am away next week. Then I will need to sign off on them. Counter suite is not going to go over big with AH. <BR>Why do all of the people who you thought were stronger then you turn out to be so much weaker? I use to believe my AH was a very intelligent man, only to discover that he is so dumb our 4 year old has a better perception of what love is.<BR>I find it hard to believe you are going through this for a second time. How do you manage? You must be some fantantistic person. You are stronger then I am that's for sure. Once is all I can handle. <BR>The one good that I can find right now is that I can start to date, not get involved just have a male friend. I can also choose the right man for me and my children. I won't do what he did and just pick the first person who showed an interest in me. I know that there is someone out there who can love my children and show them what a great man is and the right way to love a woman. The girls have had such a bad example of what to expect from a husband I am afraid they are damaged already. My children have at least learned compassion and respect from me. I have always explained the correct way to show someone you love then. So maybe my efforts in showing the 3 of then these qualities will somehow lessen the damage their AH father has caused. <BR>They still do not know that my AH has filed for Divorce. I have an appointment with my councelor in Sept. I'll ask her what I should do. She also sees the 2 older ones with me as family counceling and that appointment will be after mine. <BR>Thanks again Nina,<BR> <BR>((Lost))