I have been using the no contact approach with hubby because things were getting out of hand. We have a visitation schedule with my son but hubby has trouble sticking to agreements and arrangements. He is on a power trip and is a control freak so this "me not talking to him" is driving him nuts. He keeps making up reasons and excuses to talk to me. He isn't scheduled to see my son until Labor day weekend. Therefore, he'd have to wait to see me until then too. But he called my son today and wants my son to meet him for ice cream but the catch is that he knows that I would have to come to in order to drive my son to the ice cream place. Should I go??? If I do, how should I act. What should I say or not say? If I do this, will it mess up the no contact strategy? I never formally wrote a letter but I told him that I didn't want to have anything to do with him just last week. That<BR>s the only contact we've had in a month. In the past, when I've given him an inch, he has taken a mile. What should I do?????<p>[This message has been edited by Katie Carlson (edited August 22, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Katie Carlson:<BR><B>I have been using the no contact approach with hubby because things were getting out of hand. We have a visitation schedule with my son but hubby has trouble sticking to agreements and arrangements. He is on a power trip and is a control freak so this "me not talking to him" is driving him nuts. He keeps making up reasons and excuses to talk to me. He isn't scheduled to see my son until Labor day weekend. Therefore, he'd have to wait to see me until then too. But he called my son today and wants my son to meet him for ice cream but the catch is that he knows that I would have to come to in order to drive my son to the ice cream place. Should I go??? If I do, how should I act. What should I say or not say? If I do this, will it mess up the no contact strategy? I never formally wrote a letter but I told him that I didn't want to have anything to do with him just last week. That<BR>s the only contact we've had in a month. In the past, when I've given him an inch, he has taken a mile. My strategy is that if I refuse to talk to him only if he goes to family therapy, that will increase the chances of him going. Do you think that meeting him today and breaking the no contact principle will interfere with that? We're dealing with a very stubborn mule here. What should I do?????<P>[This message has been edited by Katie Carlson (edited August 22, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Katie Carlson:<BR><B>I have been using the no contact approach with hubby because things were getting out of hand. We have a visitation schedule with my son but hubby has trouble sticking to agreements and arrangements. He is on a power trip and is a control freak so this "me not talking to him" is driving him nuts. He keeps making up reasons and excuses to talk to me. He isn't scheduled to see my son until Labor day weekend. Therefore, he'd have to wait to see me until then too. But he called my son today and wants my son to meet him for ice cream but the catch is that he knows that I would have to come to in order to drive my son to the ice cream place. Should I go??? If I do, how should I act. What should I say or not say? If I do this, will it mess up the no contact strategy? I never formally wrote a letter but I told him that I didn't want to have anything to do with him just last week. That<BR>s the only contact we've had in a month. In the past, when I've given him an inch, he has taken a mile. What should I do????? My strategy is that if I refuse to talk to him only if he goes to family therapy, that will increase the chances of him going. Do you think that meeting him today and breaking the no contact principle will interfere with that? We're dealing with a very stubborn mule here. What should I do????? <P>[This message has been edited by Katie Carlson (edited August 22, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Katie,<P>Can't say that I know anything about your story. I can tell you that if went more than 3 days without seeing my girls I'd go absolutely nuts. I say it's OK to drop off son in neutral location, i.e. ice cream parlor. To keep your no contact up, make the arrangements to drop him off and how you get him back. Make sure both places are public. You take the boy, give him to his father, turn and walk away. <P>Just my .02 worth<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

My Story:<P>See what happened is that a couple of years ago, we moved away from friends and family into a secluded area...I liked it better where we used to live. Up untill about 9 or 10 months agos, my husband seemed happy with our relationship. He did complain that we didn't have relations enough but about a year ago I was hospitilized for a kidney infection and for sick for most of last summer. That effected our quality of life in many ways. I'm better now. In the meantime, he also started a chassis building business out of our house. I was very supportive in the beginning but I became negative when I saw him giving them away after we spent thousands to get the equipment to make them. It was also a hazard to the household as he was welding and grinding metal in the garage that was located underneath the bedrooms. The fumes, the noise and the metal shavings and splinters all over the house drove me crazy. Many people including lawyers and accountants advised us against this chassis building as it was a great liability risk and we didn't have the money to properly protect ourselves. Moreover, he was running this out of our residential neighborhood. The worst of it was that that wern't selling. No matter how bad things were he was insistant on continuing with these chassis. It became an obsession. He would be in the garage till 12 or 1 o'clock in the morning most nights. He worked all day, drove over an hour each way to work, then spent his nights and weekends working on chassis. He frequently complained if he had to do anything else besides his chassis' and complained that he had no time for himself. We were fighting over this and before Christmas he went to his mother complaining to her that I wasn't supportive of him. This is a whole other issue. His mother is one of those control freaks and is very manipulative. She would frequently come to visit without asking what times and days were good for me and then once she got there she would announce that she was staying. She would take over my kitichen and tie up my phone line as she would work her job out of her home. My husband always took her side if I complained about her. She lives in CA and would frequently say that it was her dream to get my H in CA. She also got mad that we didn't come out to visit. We tried a couple of times but right away she began making all the plans for so my H cancelled the trip. My H father and brother live out there too. My H had a lot of problems with them before we were married. And over the last 15 years, my H would frequently complain that they never took a trip back to NJ just to visit him, they always had a list of friends that came first. Even when they did visit after visiting all of the friends, the visit was short and always on their terms and time schedules. After my H told his mother that I wasn't supportive of him, she started working on him and telling him that I never let him see his family amoungst many other things. My H became very angry towards me. We went to marriage counseling but my H mother was so angry about it that she called before after and during the sessions to check up on my H and frequently gave him the third degree about working things out. At one point, H said that he should have never went to Mom with his problems. Nevertheless he left and now that he's gone he continues to say that I don't let him see his family and I don't like welding and blame me for all of his problems and he is not willing to work things out. He frequently calls my son to check up on what I'm doing but says he has no interest in reconciliation. He told me to get a boyfriend and move on with my life. <P>