Concerning alcohol problems, Dr. Harley said that before the marriage can be worked on that the addiction has to be gone by saying "there is no way for them to consider their spouse's feelings whenever they make decisions, a necessary condition for a great marriage. Alcohol always comes first, even when it is at the spouse's expense. <P>But even after sobriety is achieved, it's an uphill battle for the couple. The spouses of alcoholics are usually so relieved when treatment is successful that they often think their marital troubles are over. It's true, addiction makes it impossible to resolve marital conflicts. But sobriety itself doesn't solve them -- it simply makes them solvable>"<P>My husband has left, won't consider marriage counseling and claims that he has quit his addiction. He doesn't think his addiction had any effect on our relationship. So now what????<BR>

Katie,<P>I'm no expert but I've always thought that part of kicking any addiction is admitting all the damage that it has caused. If he hasn't done that is he truly over the addiction?<P>I read through your story on the other thread. Unfortunately, I'm having a BAD DAY myself so I've been kind of quiet. Hopefully others will jump in soon. I'm getting ready to leave for the day and hopefully tomorrow will be better for both of us..<P>Let me know how the ice cream thing goes..<P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Yes, and Bill...I have been rather impatiently waiting for your news...still waiting. When you can find the time, and clarity.<P>Katie, if you hear nothing else that I am trying to tell you, please hear this one thing: despair will be your undoing. Don't say it an 'uphill battle', or 'hopeless'...your situation is serious, yes. Your subconscious hears everything you say. If it is positive, then you will get positive results. If negative, well...you know. Please read my advice to Nina_Too in her 'Mike, I Think you were Right Thread.' Let him see, hear, and smell what he has been missing, and NO LBing...ask no questions, tell no lies...do not judge...keep it positive, without expectations. Do not discuss the future, or the past at all. You can do this. I'm counting on you! -Mike