P.S. for Thoughtful,<P>Incidentally, my counselor is a firm follower of Dr. Harley and has used some of his materials to help us!

Hey Emmiebear,<P>Nice to see you post. Glad to hear your counselor is using Harley's principles. <P>Please let us know how it is going. Did the URL help any?<P>Have a great evening!<P>Hugz and prayers,<BR>Thoughtful

Your feelings about your counselors validating your husbands lack of sex drive and providing him with an excuse are right on the money. My wife has a lousey, next to non-existent (from my viewpoint non-existent sex drive) The stress theory did wonders for her. It gave her a new line "Not tonight dear I've got stress..." At the same time it invalidated me, since I had a sex drive amidst so many stresses. The only logical conclusion is that I wasn't helping out enough and taking responsiblity for the causes of stress.<BR>I'm in a cynical mood today but I recently have come to the realization that marriage counseling is hardly succesful because the counselors are not counseling the couple/relationship. They are sorting out the couple as two individuals. I never believed the stats that most couple who go to marriage counnselling end up divorced or seprated. I used to think it was because they came too late, now I wonder about the methods.<BR>Take the stress and sex. if any other human function was so reduced or impaired about stress what would we do about it? We'd treat the ailment since it's viewed as an obstacle to removing stress. Even such drastic things as phobias and anxiety are treated by teaching relaxation techniques and confronting the phobic triggers while practicing the techniques. Why aren't similar techniqes taught in marriage counselling courses for people who suffer from sexual aversion (a real pshycholigical condition)?

Is it possible to completely restore a marriage after intimacy, and especially sexual relations, have been neglected for a long period of time?

Dear inloveonline:<BR>Quite possibly this book might be a good book for you to read; "I'm not in the Mood: What every Woman should know about Improving her libido." by Judith Reichman

Verzweifelt,<P>Yes, it is quite possible to restore a marriage after intimacy, emotional, spiritual, and sexual have been neglected for a long time.<P>It does take a long time to build each of these, but with time, patience, and work on each person's part, it is possible.<P>Harley suggests some books about sexual fulfillment in His Needs, Her Needs. If you would like the titles, just post and let me know. <P>Hugz, Thoughtful (Deb)<BR>

Thoughtful (a.k.a. Deb!),<P>I would love some of those titles to the books you were talking about in the above post about sexual fulfilment.<P>Well, our counseling sessions have all but stopped. Sex is non-existant, but frankly, the least of our problems now. I was always the one pushing to see the counselor, and my husband's work schedule always conflicted with the appointments I set up for us, so I told him that he needed to start making the appointments. I remind him every day, and every day he doesn't do it. So I've quit reminding him and we haven't seen our counselor in weeks.<P>Now the issue is that we don't spend any time together (which is the reason for seeing the counselor). I was basically the one who made sure my hubby was spending time with the family. But frankly, I'm tired of making all the effort, so I stopped. I knew if I stopped it would get worse and it has. He goes to work early, gets home late, and works every weekend. He's at work more and more. When I do see him, he's so tired all he can do is sit in front of the tv. The kicker is, he doesn't have to work this hard. He just thinks he does.<P>He has three weeks vacation coming this year, yet refuses to take even half a day off here and there to help me do stuff around the house that badly needs to be done. Oh well. I'm going to Hawaii in December with the baby. If he won't take off time for a vacation that's his tough. I'M going to have a vacation.<P>I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of hurting. And most of all I'm tired of trying. So as far as I'm concerned, I gave it my all and it didn't work, so the marriage can go to he**, I don't care anymore.<P>Sorry this sounds so harsh...just having a bad day. Can you tell?<P>Thanks everyone for listening.

Dear E. B. -<P>Everyone can learn from other people's mistakes and I'm hopeful that what I share with you can assit you.<P>The frustration you are feeling is normal. Sex in most cases is part of the "Glue" that is the foundation of a good relationship. The more that frustration grows and turns in to resentment and anger...you are on a path that is sure to start to kill any passion you have for your husband. Take it from one who "Endured" a sexless marriage for over 7 years it will not get better unless you both work at it. Now after an outside "affair" relationship and painful and destructive divorce proceedings I urge you to be proactive so you can work to try and improve the situation.<P>Your resentment with ultimately cause you to "Emotionally Withdraw From the "Relationship" Give it some thought!<P>Wish you well in your happiness

mmrlk,<P>I agree completely with your post above - it will not get better unless we BOTH work at it. I've been working at it, my husband has not. It's not an issue for him, so he doesn't see the need to resolve anything.<P>I've done all I can do. I can't do any more. It's in God's hands now because I'm too tired to keep trying.<P>Anyway, thanks for your advice!