H is coming today. Since our amicable time on Sunday, I have discovered that a list of mine, with all my friends names, phone numbers and email addresses has disappeared. It just happened to have OW info on it as well, and I'm pretty sure he took it so I couldn't contact her. He also took something else with her "new" surname; she has been recently divorced, and he doesn't think I know her surname now.<P>1. As IF I'd lower myself to try to contact that b!tc#!<P>2. I now don't have a way to contact those people....does he have to take ALL my life away???<P>3. Ha, ha on him; I have her email address on the pc, as it came from a mutual friend who forwarded stuff, so I don't see the point!!!<P>4. He'd deny it anyway...a master of lying these days, and would put it down to my misplacing it.<P>5. I can EASILY get a copy of this list from a friend...it was for amatuer theatre and was a contact list of cast...so what's the point of him taking it???<P>I am SO angry, and I want to tear strips off him right now, and don't try to tell me he didn't take it; I KNOW he did.<P>Please help me calm down and not LB...after the last time when things went so well...I'm just having a hard time controlling my anger over this one!!!!

Hey there!<P>Relax! Firstly you said you can get the list again. So get it. Secondly you said he will deny it. OK. Then why confront him. You know he took - he knows he took it. You will achieve nothing by confronting him. Decrease your anger by exercising - go for a jog - workout - punch a pillow for all you are worth! If need be get a tranquilizer - you don't need a script for calmettes. If you want this man and don't want to LB do try these things. I hope they help. If I was you I'd get a copy of the list and make sure I had more than one copy and leave one copy in his clear view when he comes over. That would confuse the hell out of him (but I don't think thats a good idea for what you want to acieve).<P>I know the anger feeling. It will pass... help it to pass... take positive action.<P>Pantha

Thanks, Pantha. You're good value for me, cos you can recommend things that are in this country, like the calmettes. I am already on Zoloft, and take magnesium at night because it's supposed to be good for relaxation and sleep...can't say I've noticed a difference yet.<P>I KNOW I should not LB, I know it, I will keep telling myself not to. In the meantime my stmach is churnig, and I want to say "Hey if there's nothing going on, why did you take the list???" I know it's all fruitless, useless and counter-productive, but I am so, ao angry...it just adds more evidence for me, and it hurts every time I discover something new.<P>I have two ways of getting a new list, and I just tried one of them. If she doesn't have her copy, there is another lady who definetely will.<P>Gotta pick up kids from school, by the thime they have lunch and all that maybe I'll feel better. I like the exercise idea....maybe I should just go for a walk when he's here. <P>I'll keep looking for posts, though, because I just don't think I'm gonna stop myself this time...of all the selfish, low-down, irresponsible men!!!<P>

I don't know if your H is denying an affair? But if you think he is for any number of reasons the sad fact is he probably is. During the first split with my H he turned really nasty and I was so hurt thats all I could think of. I didn't think he was having an affair. He was. But I have picked up here that personality changes for the worst usually coincide with an affair. I thought the nastiness was unique to my situation but it is the norm. I also have a feeling my H is most probably sleeping around again. But thats besides the point.<P>I thought magnesium was for lethargy - that is to increase energy! Why don't you go for a jog before he gets there if you want to see him. That way you'd have worked your anger off by the time he gets there.<P>He is probably not going to admit the affair to you. So don't get upset when you find new 'evidence' just try to accept the fact that he is having an affair and you can't stop him from doing that. It is a fear and its scarey but when you stop being scared of it happening you can start to see things more clearly. What you need to do to protect you. I don't know why anyone has to go through this pain. Maybe one day we will understand.<P>Remember you can't make someone love you - you can only be someone worth loving. I don't know if any WS is worth loving!<P>On tranquilizers I take aterax. It is non addictive as my doctor is very careful. It usually just makes me relaxed and sleepy. <P>Be strong - you are capable and strong. You got you where you are today and you will get through this.<P>

Thanks again....I know all of this will one day pass...<P>I don't jog, thats why I walk about 5km's a day when I AM doing it...haven't since he left. I should know better. If I'd kept it up I would be looking really good by now, cos I've lost a lot of weight, just need to tone. Hey, y'know what...I think you got me motivated...I will start that walking today.<P>The magnesium was prescribed by a doctor, and that's what she said about it...I don't know anything about it. But the last thing I need is to be revved up!!!<P>I'm a bit more calm than this morning, but still have the butterflies. How about you, you said in the other post your H is coming today to get his things. I hope it goes well.<P><BR>

Mineral absorption is a bit of a dodgy thing, Jacky...there are a lot of factors involved...it gets complicated sometimes. Like, too much calcium block uptake of magnesium, and vice versa, I think...plus vitamin, and amino acid interaction. There is an excellent book...'The Vitamin Bible' by Earl Mindell....it explains these matters in great detail without being clinical. The exercise will help the relaxation, and guided relaxation helps, too. Another book that I find helpful is the 'Self Hypnosis - The Complete Manual For Health and Self-Change' by Brian Alman and Peter Lambrou. I have some CDs that have music, and other sounds that help. Its sort of like I throw a lot in there...something seems to work, not always sure what!<P>You will not LB...this is what you are learning...that you are in control of you. Bill is delusional in that respect...how 'junior high is that'? Hey, wanna put a bee in his bonnet? Before you leave, make a fake to-do list...put stuff on it like 'hair dresser appointment', 'pick up dress from cleaners', 'rent limo', 'pick up tickets', AND AT THE END....'Find contact list'...leave it prominently displayed....and make sure that you have cleared your Internet history....cover the tracks to here! -Mike<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited August 23, 2001).]

Hi there ,<P>I havent been on the this site for long ,so the advise I am giving you is for your sleeping. Ive tried every sleeping tablet on the the market and none of them work.I would be knocked out for an hour then I would wake up.<P>Eventually I was willing to try anything . I even was willing to try and drink a bottle of scotch so that I could just pass out (even though I dont even drink ).eventually a Gym instructor at my local gym suggested to me that I try and do some exercise at home ( Sit-ups and pushups )about an half an hour before I go to sleep and then take a glass of hot milk with five teaspoons of honey before I went to bed, This has allowed me to at least get in 4 hours a night sleep. <P>NWTCO<BR>

just wanted to say hey to you nina<BR>if you want my advice read the first reply to your post again. keep your head up girl, make yourself smile every now and then, trust me if you force a smile on your face it will make you feel better.

See post on your thread, Too Late, I blew it - you din't blow it by the way.

Thanks joconnor and Katie,<P>Sorry, I really tried to take the advice of the first post, and the second, the others came too late. I feel like I have given up now.<P>It is just TOO hard. Well at least today.

Nina, don't give up, it's not hopeless. You said that he gave you a hug that day you were going to leave, right? You said that He was "thinking" about it, right? So it's still possible. I think your biggest hurdle now is overcoming your emotions. I had that problem for a while myself. Remember the EN. Well, right now your EN are not being met and it's effecting your feelings BIG TIME! Your feelings effect how you communicate with your H. YOur desparation has got to be showing in every form of communication. This is why you need to back off, distance yourself from him. Even if you don't officially do the No Contact - for now - avoid contact, please. You need to pull yourself together and focus on building yourself and making a life for yourself BEFORE you can communicate with him effectively. Right now, you are trying to hard. Start working on yourself and separate yourself from him.