Jabber,<BR>I have not been drinking. Most of my drinking was a result of hating my life, hating the molestation that happened when I was 9. I obviously picked up some very poor coping skills. My shrink said that I was not a alcoholic, but rather self-medicated for the depression. It really doesnt matter they whys, what fors, etc, I dont drink, because it really serves no purpose and tends to create many, many more problems than it solves (which is zero). I dont miss any part of it. As for AA and 12 step, I believe they are great. I am relying on the Lord and I have been looking for new friends in my church. I love to be around people and am very social. However, bars and drinks just arent in me anymore. Sometimes, we just have to wake up and smell the proverbial coffee. I thank God each day for showing me this. Thanks for the input and help. I like me now that I have come to grips with my childhood experiences and told my folks and forgiven the individual who did this. You see, everytime my children went off to play, I was petrified. My wife had no problem with this and really didnt understand why I was so petrified of them going off alone. I was afraid that what happened to me would happen to them. I was always thinking and dwelling on what happened to me and what might happen to them. I lived in fear! Fear has no place in the heart of a Christian. I was wrong and I finally broke down, half way into a bottle of bourbon and told my wife why I felt and did the things I did. She broke down and cried and yelled at me for not ever telling her. She left 4 days later only to tell me Tuesday that she didnt think that I could ever do anything to make her believe that I have changed. So here I am. I will be okay either way. God promises that. I guess it was just too much for her to handle. I just dont know why she wants to throw in the towel? Could it be that she wants to see what I do knowing that she will never come back? To test the changes to see if they are real?<P>R

Rob,<P>Hate be the one to tell you this, but somebody is bull****ing the public here. No competent counselor will ever tell someone who has experienced drinking problems that he or she is not an alcoholic. Here's why.<P>Alcoholism, like any other addictive compulsive behavior, involves a great deal of denial, lying, deception and concealing the truth from oneself and from others. Active alcoholics con therapists every day in the week. Good therapists know that. Any therapist who doesn't realize that he too can be conned shouldn't be in the business. That's why they don't tell clients that they aren't alcoholic. That is exactly what the alcoholic in denial wants the therapist to do, to reassure him that his behavior is OK.<P>It really doesn't matter if the therapist thinks you are an alcoholic or not. I don't know whether you are an alcoholic or not. Only you can make that determination. It only matters what you think.<P>It probably isn't a bad idea for you to leave alcohol alone whether you are an alcoholic or not. There is one universal truth about this: <B>If you have had problems while drinking, you are always at risk of having problems with drinking. </B><P>As far as the self medicating depression with alcohol is concerned, well that is pure nonsense. Anyone with the IQ of a potted geranium can see through that one. Alcohol is a depressant, and one normally does not treat depression with a depressant. End of story.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

I think the important thing when someone has a drinking problem is for them to abstain from alcohol. It doesn't matter what theory they ascribe to or how they label themselves, as long as they keep choosing good rather <BR>than destructive behaviors.

<BR>Well it sounds like you are making changes and hopfully they are for yourself and not short term to get wife back. I am glad you are getting therapay and dealing with what happened to you, I know in my life I had to accept what happened forgive those that hurt me and grow up and move on. I think that you wife may be testing the changes , you do not have to tell her about changes just keep working on yourself and let her see for herself, this must run its course and the only thing you have control of is how you change and the person you become,<BR>

Rob,<P>I have to agree with Bumper on this one...<P>Adstinance does not equal recovery...<P>We use to ease the pain of living...That involves several different spectrums of life as we know it...The using against our will, the unmanagibilty that that follows and the swath of destruction left in the wake of our use is often far greater than we think...<P>The 12 steps give me a blueprint on how to live life on it's own terms while at the same time releaving the obsession and compulaion that using causes...<P>Taking a mind or mood altering substance is only a simptom of the disease...<P>Do be careful and if the pain gets too great go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps...I promise this will lead to a life that is rich beyond your wildest dreams...<P>Reread Bumper's reply...<P>Bill

Thanks guys. I need all the support I can get. However, I did clarify things a bit under the topic "Bumperii". My psychiatrist felt that I was manic-depressive. I had all of the indications and a family history with my grandmother who is manic. He felt that the alcohol was being used to even things out so to speak. This is common with manic-depressive people. I have been doing well and I will continue to do so. Should I get into trouble, I do have a sponsor who works with me. He has been sober 12 years and is a good Christian friend. He has been very helpful. Again, Thanks