My stbexh is driving me crazy. Two days ago he told me he hated me. He told me don't call him unless his children needed him and could not reach him for themselves. He is accusing me of sleeping with a 22 y/o guy that I am in no way interested in having any kind of relationship, beyond friends, with. He came in the house Saturday night in a violent rage. I had to call his dad to come get him. I also called the police. Lucky for me he really didn't hurt me. It took the police 2.5 hours to get there.<P>He is having a classic case of wanting to have his cake and eat it too. So far I have let him get away with it. Anything to win him back ...<P>Now he wants to tell me he loves me. I am sure he is trying to drive me insane. ...

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by idostylin:<BR>My stbexh is driving me crazy. Two days ago he told me he hated me. ... He came in the house Saturday night in a violent rage. ... Now he wants to tell me he loves me. I am sure he is trying to drive me insane. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Have you (or he) ever thought he might be bi-polar ("manic-depressive")? I'm no expert, but "I hate you" to "I love you" in 48 hours sounds like it to me.

Has he always had these little fits? Did he lose his temper, or yell at you in the past??<P>You might want to consider a restraining order.<P>Anne

During the times he says that he loves you, could you offer counseling? Would he be willing? Does he have a drinking problem or drug problem that could account for his mood swings? <BR>

You know why, Kim! Because it worked in the past. He is frustrated that it doesn't work anymore. If things are seeming different, that restraining order might be good. What did your FIL say to you about all of this? Are your kids back there yet? I work until 11:15 tonight, but I should be home, and hanging out alone by midnight, if you feel like calling to talk. I might have to contact your H, what do you think about that? Good idea, or no? Take care, dear...I am praying for you...you know that. Peace. -Mike

Ohio attorney here. Most of my representation over the years has been of women. I'm afraid I won't be able to answer to specifically, but I can try to answer generally. The person asking about similar problems in the past is on to something. May not be a big surprise if that is true. By the way, before I forget, call the police chief and find out what's going there. No excuse for that amount of time. Try 911, although I assume you did. Anyway, I don't like to indict men(I'm one), but over the years, and that I thought this would change with a new generation but it hasn't, men seem to think of their wives more in terms of property than people. The accusations could be jealousy brought on by what he is doing and justifying it or any other number of reasons. I have seen so many men, even after they have remarried, still hate it when their former wife even dates. One of those, "She's mine and no one else can have here" things that cannot be rationally explained. Back to something else, don't call your dad first, although he probably arrived before the police. If the police do nothing and you are in danger, go to the prosecutor's office and file your own complaint. In Ohio, it doesn't require physical assault. A verbal threat that puts you in fear can result in a charge of Domestic Violence Threats. We also have Civil Protection Orders which are much more effective than restraining orders. I don't know where you're from, but if you an attorney, talk to him/her. I wish you well. Lee

Sorry, one more thing-not sure what you meant when you said he "didn't really hurt you." So many times I ask women about violence and get "not really" etc. So many women seem to be under the impression you have to punched in the face for it to count. Any touching, unwanted, shoving, pushing, holding, grabbing, etc. is doemstic violence-at least in Ohio. YOU SHOULDN'T BE HURT AT ALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dabigtrain:<BR><B> Have you (or he) ever thought he might be bi-polar ("manic-depressive")? I'm no expert, but "I hate you" to "I love you" in 48 hours sounds like it to me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Now that you mention it

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Katie Carlson:<BR><B>During the times he says that he loves you, could you offer counseling? Would he be willing? Does he have a drinking problem or drug problem that could account for his mood swings? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>what he has is a mental problem...

hey mike,<P>i will try to call tonight. have not been feeling too good. my back is out and i am in a lot of pain. no, don't call... he is not reachable right now, and besides, i don't want him to know i have been telling on him...

Lee,<P>I live in LA, CA and I am not too sure about any of my rights. I did not have an attorney when we signed the D papers. He would not even consider a court appointed mediator. <P>I know I can get a restraining order, but I feel like it would piss him off even more. He has not put his hands on me in any shape way or form. He has only broken my telephone. He has a control issue and like Mike said he is upset because he is loosing control of me... Sort of...

So, talk to an attorney now to find out your rights. Unfortunately, when there are problems like this they continue after the divorce. It sounds like he is already angry, but you need to keep yourself safe and protected above all. Don't know if you kids or not, but regardless-protect yourself. Lee

Whoops, I read your post again. You do have kids-all the more reason to protect yourself so you can take care of them. Sorry for not reading closely enough. Lee

idostylin,<P>"I know I can get a restraining order, but I feel like it would piss him off even more."<P>"i don't want him to know i have been telling on him..."<P>"He came in the house Saturday night in a violent rage."<P>"Lucky for me he really didn't hurt me. It took the police 2.5 hours to get there."<P>"He has only broken my telephone."<P>"So far I have let him get away with it. Anything to win him back ..."<P>I pulled these sentences out of your posts. FLAGS, FLAGS, FLAGS!!!!! Protect yourself and your children! Next time you may not be so lucky! Although you say he hasn't "touched" you, the "verbal beatings" in a violent rage are every bit as harmful! If he indeed has a "mental problem" that isn't being dealt with, all the more reason to protect yourself.