For 10 years I have been with the woman I love, married together for 5 years. We have 3 children together. <P>I seemed to always put everything else before her. There was school, bodybuilding, my JiuJitsu, my dogs ect. She once told me she wished I loved her half as much as I did our kids. I guess I just got to comfortable and thought she would always be there. <P>Well I hit my 32 birthday got really depressed, I knew my competition days were coming to a halt. I was going through a early mid-life crisis. I fell prey to the internet gaming. By this time she was tired of being second. She needed someone and I obviously wasn't there for her. She found someone at work; to what extent their relationship went to I don't think I will ever know. Hothead that I am I took my 3 kids with me to her work to confront the guy. Bad move on my part she filed for divorce. <P>We were apart for 2 weeks, I went back to the house she asked me to stay. We are still together, I tried to talk her out of the divorce there was no use. We are alot happier now, we talk more, I've given up all my habits, with the exception of moderate excercise.<P>Sounds good kind of like a fairy tale with a happy ending. I'm happy with her, I've no anger towards her. I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact of the other guy and not knowing what went on. This semester she acquired a work scholarship for nursing, which I fully support. <P>Well was getting over the other guy thing, two days ago she was telling me about this Trent 27 year old guy in one of her classes, who she could study with. I just bit my lip, which nothing really wrong with studying with someone. Well then she goes on and tells me he lives in a town not far from here, said that wouldn't be to far to go to. I wanted to say something so bad but didn't. <P>This is where I'm asking advice I don't know what to do. Before all I could think about daily was that guy at work, now this 27 year old haunting me. I haven't said anything to her. I'm just scared to lose her.<P>Any advice would be greatly apprecited<P>Cain<P>

Cain,<BR>I can't get inside your spouse's head, but I can tell you from first-hand experience that putting a woman last on your list is the quickest way for you to cause her eye to wander. And it caused me to lose my wife forever. I don't know if it's too late for you, but you should be concerned. I would ask her to be honest with you, not about what's going on with this guy, but whether or not she thinks there's still a chance for the two of you. Her answer may tell you all you need to know about this new guy.

Cain-<P>I have been there and I can tell you that you need to do a Plan A."Now". Her 27 year old friend will soon be if she lets it an EA or more. Its text book. Are you still going to be divorced or has it stoped, where are you with that process. It seems that your wife is looking for somthing or someone to fill her emotional needs. You need to read SSA if you dont have it buy it now.<BR>I have three children and I will some be divorced, at this point I don't want to save the marriage after two affairs "hers". She took off for 5 years to get her masters and eveyone children husband became expendable. Don't let this happen to you. Talk to her , take a walk hand in hand and talk about your future together.

Yes we were divoced, I was back in the house the week before she went up to the courthouse. We are living together now, we are both happy when we are together. It's just when we are apart I get a little nervous. I was starting to feel secure until she said something about that 27 year old guy. I'm not sure if I should say anything or if I do how come out with it.<P> Like I was trying to explain I'm not sure what her relationship was with the guy at work maybe they where just friends. That's what she tells me. Our divorce wasn't about that she said she if we were going to work we had to start fresh. About the future plans she talks like we will be together. She tells me she always wants me to be there for her.<P>One thing I din't mention in my previous post, there was someone there, her friend(female). Neither my wife or myself had our license so we were dependant on her friends to take us around. Her and her female friend were always gone I was just so mad at the time. Her friend and husband moved from another state, they were here at our home for about 3 months. It caused a lot of stress for both me and my girlfriend(ex-wife). I was a jerk to her friends finally got mad after an argument with her friend and told them off. Alot of the prolems started when they moved in. I recently paid for her license we got a new car it has relieved alot of our stress. She is with me and the kids most of the time when we are home we even do many things together. I realize she needs time away so I try and push her to pick to do things without us.<P>I have changed my whole life around she is the center of it. Alot of things have happened in our life recently. I was just such an idiot took me to lose everything to realize what I had. <P>For 10 years we have never cheated on each other; my Father who always wants to butt in said something. She said at least we were faithful to each other. <P>One thing I must mention, up until this year things were pretty much the same. She lost weight lost about 60 lbs she is down to between 132-138lbs. She is 5'8 so she looks fantastic, she changed the way she dresses. She got her belly button pierced, started wearing tighter clothes. It was something I was not used to. I think that was part of it the big change. I was a jerk started getting jealous, didn't understand at the time. <P>I want to thank both of you for taking the time out reading my post and replying. I caused alot of problems in our relationship I guess I just need to be grateful that I am back in her life. It gets hard sometimes thinking of how we were married and now I got to start over.<P>Cain<P>