I am not doing at all well... STBX H came over last night to collect his clothes. I told him to be there 7pm and to bring the back door keys. At 6:30 got a call from his mothers house and so I didn't answer, then again at 6:45 - I thought it might be him saying he was not going to be there as his mom lives 100kms (1 hour) away. So I was ok with that. Then he arrives 7:15 (to prove a point?). I went to open the gate and told him to tell his family not to contact me anymore. He was asking 'was it from cell?' who the hell cares? So I remembered the keys and asked whether he had them. He said he forgot - I said well then you should leave. I was so pissed. So he is about to get into his car and he says 'guess what I'm going to see first thing Monday morning?' (meaning the ocean). I said (but not steadily) 'have a great life and good luck with your future'. So he says 'well my life has been really great these last 2 months'. Of course I said mine was greater etc. I took the bait... I am so ticked off with myself for that. Anyway for next hour and half he repeatedly phoned and hooted at the gate and I ignored him. I couldn't face him. I still can't. I don't feel very in control of my emotions right now. Anyway I had a missed call from my mom and phoned her. H had phoned my mom to say he threw keys over gate. Uugughh. H sent an sms that he would collect his stuff at 7am and he didn't pitch. I know he is leaving on Sunday. So I think I'll go watch a movie tonight (on my own) just so that I don't have him come over.<P>Then this morning I called my lawyer and he said that H's lawyer said 3 of us should sit together to discuss settlement without H as he is not around. I told him well he is still around and I'm not discussing this without H being present, so lets just go to court. He said to me not to be foolish! I said 'lets take it to court'. He said ok he'll tell H's lawyer that is my final offer. I really think I'm going to change lawyers. I am so frustrated. How can he get to walk away with 50% of assets when he screwed up the marriage!!???? <P>Well now my anger is back! I am even more cross because I hate being angry. <BR>

Pantha,<P>There is definitely something in our drinking water!!! Do you know there is yet another Jo'burg poster here (Nowilltocarryon). Something in yesterday's air too if you and I are anything to go by.<P>I'll say what others said to me...try not to worry about all the LB'ing you did...what a rotten thing to say...his life's been better the last two months. I know I wouldn't be able to leave that alone.<P>He's pushing your buttons. Remember, he knows you, and what annoys you...being late, not showing up, forgetting the keys...all designed to make you LB, so he can justify his leaving you. Waiting for her and others have described this to me as a game, and so you have to employ strategy. You did that by going inside, and letting him honk for half an hour, because it was the BEST thing you could do for yourself at the time. Now if he's not going to give you the keys, and you really don't want him to be able to gain access, you need to change your locks. Or were they the keys he threw over the fence? <P>It sounds like things are getting nasty regarding your split. How long have you Plan A'd? If enough time has passed, maybe it's time for Plan B. I'm seriously considering it now, because I am losing hope and yes, love, and they say you should do it then.<P>Please take care of yourself...I am playing a LOT of piano this morning, cos looking at all those little dots takes immense concentration for me, so it blocks a lot of stuff out. What can you do to block it out for a while? I know you're at work...maybe immersion in office stuff; find that particularly difficult job you've been putting off, and maybe it will stop your brain from thinking too much about hurtful things, and this may help you get back on top.<P>What movie are you going to see?<P>BTW I noticed today's Star paper has an article in the Verve section called something like "Should you divorce?" I haven't got the paper yet, but I am going to read it.<P>Take care, girl.<BR>

Hi Nina!<P>Definately the water and air...<P>It is really difficult to work when I feel like this. I am trying to get things sorted out in my head (thoughts and emotions) and at the same time need to concentrate on work. Not easy. I will definately get the star today and read that article. Thanks for telling me about it.<P>I guess he is playing this little game. If he's life is so great why does he sms me 3am in the morning? Yes those were the back door keys.<P>As for plan A'ing I did that up until I filed for divorce. As for plan B I think in a way that's where I am. Except I don't want him back - but I do want him to realise what he has lost. I want him to feel something - feel that he has lost someone he is going to miss. That statement about life being great really hurt. It felt like it means I am this terrible person, not worthy of being missed, that I brought no good into his life. Then I start feeling like I am the one losing here. I don't want to feel that way. He makes me feel incapable and unable to handle things. He said before that the only reason I wanted him is because no other man will put up with my ****. Nice hey! That was last year when I wanted him to come home. But those words still plague me. What if I really am unlovable? Probably am. I have lately taken a backward step and 'watched/listened' to myself. The cat was pestering for food and had a dish of food and I said something really nasty (tone!) and I thought eeehhh -that's me? Being in this marriage has changed me for worse. Another thing when my friend was there he was so gentle and kind with the animals something that H never was. Did he rub off onto me? I used to love my cats. <P>I want to go Bridgettes Jone's Diary.

Pantha,<P>The problem is that our partners never seem to feel the pain that we are going through . I know its wrong to wish something on a person but sometimes I just wish that my W would feel the same pain and lose that Im going through but it never happens, They seem to just sweep ones past married years<BR> ( GOODTIMES) under the carpet and carry on with their lives as if nothing has ever happened. <BR>My W has cut me out of her Life as if I never ever existed. Will they ever feel remorse ? Don’t think so. As for the 50% of assets don’t feel bad. I married in Community of property I had a house in JHB .<BR>My Wife wanted to move closer to her parents so I built a house on a DAM on the waterfront next to my in-laws house which cost me a fortune +- 800k and I was so stupid that I put the house into my father-in-laws trust because at the time the government was talking about the capital gains tax. We used the house as a holiday house for a couple of months until my wife asked to permanently move there. So in January I sold my old house and spent another 100k in upgrading the kitchen and Built in cupboards. And you know what I cannot touch it now , I have lost all. So don’t feel bad about 50 %. And the worst of it all My W and I agreed last year July that our family was complete ,. So she had a Hysterectomy and I had a vasectomy. How ironical how things turn out<P>Regards<BR>NWTCO<BR>

NWTCO - Don't worry about vasectomy now. If you ever meet someone you want to have kids with then you can think of that. I think there are ways and means of reversing vasectomy but definately not a hysterectomy! <P>You should speak to your lawyer about the house. Get a really good one. Is there no outstanding bond on it? Surely something can be done - fight for what is yours!! No one else is going to.<P>You know what? I think one day they will feel the pain. When this little relationship comes crashing down because it will, then the pain will set in. By then - you and me - we'll be fine!<P>Pantha<BR>PS- are you also in IT?

Oops! The star's story is called "Would you have a divorce <B>party</B>".!!!!!! LOL, LOL,LOL.<P>Well, it's an interesting idea...I haven't read it yet!!!<P>I agree with 50% as not being too bad...I'm afraid that if he comes through with his divorce idea, he may try to get the bulk, cos he's worked all this time and I haven't.<P>You guys make sure you get good lawyers.

A divorce party! Indeed! What a novel idea! <P>About 50% - NOT! I worked throughout marriage and even earned more than him. And he had an affair! 50% not!<P>On your side don't worry about the not working. You stayed at home to take care of house and kids! Thats work! So don't worry about that. Like I said to NWTCO fight for what is yours!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pantha:<BR><B>A divorce party! Indeed! What a novel idea! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Not entirely novel. <A HREF="http://www.dickslastresort.com/myrtlebeach/mb_divorce.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.dickslastresort.com/myrtlebeach/mb_divorce.htm</A> <P>This chain failed here in Miami. Its schtick was to have servers be rude to the customers, so it wasn't any different from any other restaurant here!<P>