This morning I was on a high because in about 7 hours time I will go and fetch my Kids for the weekend. Five minutes ago a get an e-mail from my wife saying that I must meet my wife and the kids at a shopping center to pick up the kids and then on Sunday to meet her again so that she can pickup the kids. She also demands that I give back my Access card which allowed me access to our home which is in an Estate on a Dam. So basically what she wants is that I have no access to my old house. This has really pi**ed me off.<P>My attorneys are still waiting for the summons from her and its been over 6 weeks now. The problem with this is She is still living a normal life and I am forking out for all the bills. I mean 30 % of my salary goes for her clothing accounts and I have only used 5% on my self the rest is for her and the kids. I really need this Divorce to be finalized so that I can get on with my life. <P><BR>The thing is I have avoided seeing my W now for 4 weeks and I do not want to see her ,as it just brings all those emotional feelings back and I don’t know how I will respond if the OM is with her. ( I would not put it past her to do this ) <P>Does one truly get over this ? I have read an article that states for Every year one is married it will take one month to heal. Ssshhhho I don’t know if I could go through another 8 months of this.<BR>My friends keep on asking me to go out with them an enjoy myself. The only thing that I want is to be alone and try resolve my problems and follow the process of recovery. I dont want to meet other people,I dont feel lonely,I Just want to deal with this pain and the get on with my life. <P>

Hey there<P>Nina told me that you were from SA! Well now there's 3 of us.<P>Well I can understand you not wanting to see her because it opens the wounds. I know! I had mine scratched deeply open last night!<P>Why do you keep paying her clothing accounts? Don't. I also understand the frustration of divorce proceedings.. they take far too long in this country. If you are paying for the house then you should have access - otherwise tell her you won't pay the bond any longer.<P>I have no advice for you, can only say I understand.<P>What part of JHB are you from? I'm in Randburg.<P>Pantha<BR>

We three should get together, and go on an OP & WS lynching party!!!! Only joking, I would NEVER do that!!! (Well.....) <P>Sorry for you pain Nowill, and I agree with Pantha...if it hurts to see her, don't. And don't pay her bills, if she wants her freedom she has to learn to take responsibility for those things herself...she wants her cake and eat it, as far as your money goes.<P>I am from Kensington, Nowill, so where are you from?

Pantha,<P>The problem is that the house is fully paid for.<P>Im originaly from Glenvista but now Im staying with my parents in Mondeor

Your wife's name is not perhaps Natalie? (got to check here because that is where my H's OW lived/s?)<P>Surely there must have been something set up in the trust, that a lawyer can trace. You don't just 'give' your house to someone. Don't let her get away with this!

Pantha,<P>Luckily my Wife’s name is not Natalie (Could you imagine that ). I do work in IT (Technical systems specialist).<P>

NWTCO I am so glad of that! (otherwise I would have really bad news about her actions - this one sleeps with many different men and her kids are not her H's. SO thank goodness. Her H is also in IT.) *sigh*<P>I am a developer. So we are even in the same industry! Small world hey!<P><BR>

Dear Nowill,<P> Some quick practical advice, do NOT hand over any Access cards or anything else unless your attorny advises it. You wouldn't want to inadvertantly surrender your right to your house.<P> Do try to get out. It won't make you feel much better, but isolation is so much worse. I personally have learned the hard way not to withdraw from friends. But, you should only go out with friends who won't expect you to be jolly. And who will understand if you go home early.<P> And what kind of woman uses 30% of her husband's paycheck for a clothing allowance? That's grounds for divorce right there, and I'm a woman! Unless your attorny says you have to pay it, I'd stop it immediately.<P> Good luck during this painful time.<P><BR>

I to am going thru Divorce process. It should be final Oct 2. I am the B/S. I highly recommend you go out with friends. I have found to survive this journey you need a support group. Get out meet new people and try to have some fun. The journey you are on Is the worst one you will ever go on. The loss of your love relationship can be compared to the death of a parent or child. You will go thru the seven steps of grieving. Its wierd you know you have to go thru all this and there is nothing you can do to keep it from happening. Its a natural thing and can not be avoided. I know the hurt, I have two kids and do everything I can to avoid the witch woman who is their mother. Depending on my mood I can feel the heartbreak all over again or I can just be totally Pissed off. I too have to pay the bills until the divorce is final. She has no real disruption to her life yet. To top it all off I have to pay alimony to her. So she gets a reward for betraying me. Good luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Austin:<BR>You will go thru the seven steps of grieving. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sorry to seem trivial, but I always heard "five:" anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. What are the "seven steps?"<P>

OMG!!!! You mean I'm on number four already!!!!!!