In a couple of hours I'm going to back here feeling pretty miserable...I'm stressing over my h's new OW. Shaking inside...one of my friends who knows her spent the day with her yesterday, and basically she admitted she was in a relationship, but didn't describe the guy, or say anything specific....just that she's "DATING". Didn't she mean "whoring"? Anyway LACK of detail is not in this girl's normal character, and so it got my friend to thinking...BTW I was stupid enough to ask, my friend didn't want to tell me, my own fault. <P>I have to deal with him when he drops off the kids soon, and it's going to be hard. I will need some kind words or words of inspiration. <P>Anyone?

(((((((((Jacky)))))))))))<P>Jacky,<P>I can offer you a cyber hug and support. I think I have seen LostHusband post before that you should bite your tongue until the blood is dripping. You can do it. You have been Plan A'ing so well that I know you can get through this transaction of dropping the kids off. Just look your best and put on that big smile and use your best charm. If you need to vent just come back here.<P>Hugs and Prayers from So. Cal.<P>Michele

Well my marriage is over. Today he took my kids out WITH HER!!! She even told them she was daddy's girlfriend. I phoned him and gave him hell. I din't care if it was LBing or not. How DARE he introduce that ***** to them when he hadn't even admitted a relationship to me. <P>I'm sitting here crying my eyes out...I am totally heartbroken that he could involve the kids. He didn't tell me, they did....he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore.<P>So now it's time to Plan B. He won't give her up to work on us because he doesn't want to... I am booking my tickets for ASAP now. This week if I can. I just can't deal with this. An HIS voice...Mr Calm...I'm sorry you're hurting...yeah??? Getting coaching from his little NLP A+ whore.<P>God I've been so stupid to think I even had a chance.

Jacky my friend i am so sorry this is happening to you. It was wrog of hime to take your kids out w/ OW-just plain wrong.<P>My take is that your marriage is only over if you believe it is. The OW will screw up-she will LB, it will end. I have seen that here here over and over. You need to be the person he comes back to when she hurts him. That is easy for me to say-i'm trying to live something very similar right now, and the doing it part is horrible.<P>As for the ice in his voice, i hear the same thing from my W. the ore emotional i get, the more steely she gets. It is a facade for the feelings they have inside, conflicted feelings i think, a way to keep them down. Even my W has admitted it is not normal for her to be that way.<P>My sense is that your H is still churning on the inside. But, i have not been here any longer than you, so take my words for what they are worth.<P>Jacky, i'll say a special prayer for you tonight.<P>Peace my friend.

I am so sorry to have read this thread, Nina. I can't begin to imagine all of what you're feeling right now. I know some of the pain, but even then my circumstances are different. I wish there were something I could say that would bring you comfort, but I doubt there is. In this case, it would kinda be a case of the blind leading the blind. ;-) <P>If you care to, I suppose you could take comfort in these thoughts. First, at least you can look at yourself in the mirror and say that this situation is NOT your fault. You are not to blame for his leaving. Second, when you file for divorce, the fact that he had(has) an affair going will most likely help you when the custody issue comes around, and add to that the fact that some states consider bringing kids around the OW to be corrupting the morals of a minor. <P>But most of all, Nina, you were not stupid to think you had a chance. At least you cared enough about your husband and your family to want to work through the problem. I read once that hope is the poor man's armor. It probably got you through a great deal. My armor is getting little chinks in it now. <P>Now that your husband has pissed you off, it might be a good time to remind him of two classics sayings: 1. Never deprive a person of hope. It may be all they have. 2. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. LOL :-) <P>Once again, I am very sorry that this has happened. Very, very few people in the world deserve this pain. Take care.<P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

Thanks ANB3,<P>I don't want it to be over, but he is telling me it is...at one point I said, "Do you want us to go? (back to Oz)" he said "leave the kids here with me"...he wants rid of me so bad. I said I wouldn't do that, but I was aware he would try to get custody when he came back...he said "No, you're the vindictive one, not me." <P>He has not realised at ALL how I have changed in the last eight months, he's living in the past. All the Plan A I have worked so hard on has not made a tiny dint in his impression of me, he still thinks I'm a *****, which freely admit I was, not all the time, but on occasion, I was. It hurts that he cannot see the good in me.<P>I tried to educate him...dumb...I asked him if he would stop the relationship with her and try and work on us...he said no. I said he was not going to be able to think of us while he was having a relationship with someone else...of course in his fogged brain, she has nothing to do with how he feels about me, and besides, he doesn't want an US. NO This is a woman who has been divorced THREE times. What sort of a future will she give him? And YES I know she will LB...she is a pushy woman, very volatile when something upsets her, but a MASTER of hiding it when she wants to...how long will she hide it. I know he hates that, so it won't last.<P>He doesn't want me...it seems stupid to hold on. I am crying now...I vented at the kids, I want to die...whatever did I do that was so wrong for him, that he is willing to let his family go?<P>I'm trying to book flights on line and it's giving me a hard time. Does anyone know of a foolproof online booking service???<P>

I don't know-take strength in knowing you're not the only one this has happened to-not much consolation; take strength in God and take strength in friends that are supportive, caring and loving. Be strong for your kids-venting at them for something not their fault won't help you and it certainly won't help them. Take care and God bless!

I know Lee, I KNOW!!!!<P>They were so strong for little ones tonight, not a word out of place....I hate that his actions can influence their behaviour towards me. My oldest (son) was trying to placate me after "spilling the beans". And kept trying to tell me they were just friends, though he was the one that said SHE told him she was daddy's girlfriend. He felt SO guilty, for his FATHER'S actions!!! <P>I am so angry....and even so H says "oh nothing physical, yes we have a relationship....what would you call it??? "I WOULD CALL IT ADULTERY, AND SLUTTISHNESS ANDS SELFISHNESS IF I WAS ASKED!!! I hate him, now, for bringing the children into his circle of selfishness

((((((((Jacky))))))))))<BR>Honey I feel your pain... Even thou I am the one that left my H, it still hurt when he got a gf and did not tell me. Our at the time 3 year old son did... But of course I got the line (I still care about you, you are the mother of our son bit). I hate the fact even to this day that he pays me nothing and she has $$$$$$$$$. They do fun things with him.. I am glad our son is happy... Me well that is a different story... No I do not want him back.. <BR>All I ask for is respect, and for him to maybe call his son, him offer to take him, not me remind him.. and to be the father he should be,,, meaning $$$, visiting, telling me what time he is taken him and what time he will be back. So that maybe one day I can actually make plans.....<BR>Jacky hang in there.... It hurts like heck I know... <BR>Wishing you well<BR>Janet

SHE will never see my kids again...I have an advantage here....I have to go anyway.

Jacky yes you do have an advantage here (YOU ARE STRONG)<BR>YOU ARE YOU, YOU ARE WOMEN...... not that the last one should offend any men... sorry........<P>Janet

Yes, she has never had kids, so she will be surprised by his reactions when the kids are gone. But I don't care...she is a cold calculating b**** and I knew she had her eye on him, and I stood by and did nothing because I was trying to trust him. Well, look where Plan A got me????<P>That man does love me and his family DEEP DOWN, and my one solace is thatr he knows it, too. Onre day, one day, but then it might be too late.

Jacky this is my invite to you to email me anytime OK..<P>JJ71197@aol.com<BR>whenever you need and i will email back as soon as possible..<BR>Don't be so hard on your self.. Your H choose this not you.. He chose to with someone else, he choose to leave his wife, he choose to leave his children..... Plan B honey <P>Janet

Thanks Janet,<P>I have noted your address. I know it's Plan B time, and I'm searching for a good eg of a Plan B letter.<P>I just emailed one of my best friends in Oz and told her what's happened. Word will get around now...I actaully asked her to tell mutual friends...I will not hide this anymore, and if his or my parents ak for details, I'm gonna tedll them why I left. What have I got to be ashamed of???

I ask again...why am I nearly always post 13...is it Karma???