Just came back from dropping my kids off. This has been the best weekend I have had since The W told me that she wanted a divorce . Had some good quality time with my kids. Its amazing how your kids can in a instant bright up ones life .My kids will not let me out of their sight and every 15 minutes they are telling me how much they love me.<P>My eldest son just can’t understand why he has to stay with his mom, as all he wants to do is stay with me. He said why does the Law State that he must stay with his mom and he says it’s just not fair. Every time I drop him off he cries and then my W says that I am turning the boy against her. Also my kids are complaining about the OM as he is sleeping over at my old hose regularly and my wife will not let them sleep with her.<P>One thing I would like to say to those of you who have your kids staying with you and not your partner. Be privliged as there are some of us here, who only get to see our kids alternate weekends and the decision was not even ours.<P>Is there anyone out there which knows if I can take any legal action against this OM as of yet I have not received a summons from the sheriff stating that my wife has filled for a divorce.<P>NOW Im starting to get worked up , another issue that my kids told me.This so called OM is 25 years old, He stays in a bachelors flat which my W and two youngest sons slept over as she wanted too. He has been divorced and has one kid and he drives a 1400 Nissan bakie . My W IS 33 Years old. I try and ask my self what is she doing. I am 36 and Ive given her every thing she ever wanted.<P>My councilor has told me that she thinks that I spoilt her and I put her on a pedal stool and that she most probably got bored and that she has blamed me for steeling her youth as now all she wants to do is party . I just don’t understand any more. <BR>

The huys won't know what a bakie is...it's a tray truck, utility vehicle, etc you get the idea...<P>My kids are my life...they are with me all the time, so I'm lucky. They were his life, too. He doesn't see what harm his actions today could do to them. I HATE him tonight.<P>I asked on my other thread, nowill, do you know of an online travel agency that is foolproof for us here in SA? I need to book those tickets tonight. I'm not waiting around ONE SECOND more.

Ohio attorney here. Not know the exact situation. I can only answer for Ohio law. First, though, remember your counselor is hearing one side of the story-yours! Nothing against you, nor an indictment against men(I think my gender has a lot to offer), but men typically do not do as well in relationships. Commuication breaks down, the wife notices, tries(sometimes) to fix things and is met with a response "nothing is wrong-it must be you." Then when the wife takes action, the husband wants to try and she has given up. Can work the other way too. Point is, somewhere along the line, fault can be attributable to both parties. Your counselor can deal with that hopefully in an unbiased way. We all have our faults-I know I do! Examine hers if you want, but examine yourself too. I don't mean this scarcastically, but since Jesus Christ walked the earth has there been a perfect man. On the legal side, in Ohio, no one has custody until the court makes an order. The kids could live with you right now just as easily as with her-but don't get them in a tug of war. There are legal ways to handle this. As far as her age and his age-would it make a difference if he was 38 and if so, why? We have such a double standard in this country about older men with younger women is ok but not the other way around-but I digress. Depending on the ages of the kids, which parent best serves their best interests, etc., that should determine the custodial parent. She says she wants a divorce, has a boyfriend staying at your home, the children are torn-see an attorney. Find out your legal rights and if it truly has to end in divorce(a decision you or she makes-not some attorney), take whatever actions necessary for your kids. Not much on legal advice. Sounds more like a rant. Sorry! Lee

Bear13lee,<P>I Know that I have not been the perfect husband, but no one is perfect. The problem that I have got is that my W has never told me that she thought we had problems in our relationship until she met the OM. When confronted by our councilor about an affair, she denied it, which now has come out of the woodwork. Therefore she came with a hidden agenda when we went to our first and her last counciling<BR>Session. Another problem that I am finding hard to deal with is my In-laws which are our neighbors and which I treated with respect and Love have said nothing about this man moving into my house even though legally my W and I are not even divorced and this situation is affecting my kids.They keep on saying why is this man staying in dadys house , they do not want him there, its hurting them. I have also now found out that her whole family is now blaming me for the kids behavior. ( you know what they say , Blood is thicker than water) never mind that my W has no morals or values.<P>I would just like to know is there anyone who knows if I can take this OM to court and sue him for breaking up our marriage and does anyone know of a good lawyer in SA JHB.<P>

Well, here in the US...you can sue for Alienation of Affection...but really...it would be a bit of a pyrrhic victory, don't you think? Move through this some more before you act, or speak much. I know that you are hurting, but...as Lee pointed out...it isn't much better when the OM is the same age, divorced, with kids, and living with his mother (a WAS, too!), and supposed to be your best friend, either! (I can testify to that one myself.)<P><B>Sorry, mate.</B> We all thought it would be forever, too. -Mike