I posted this on my need kind words thread, but thought it might be more appropriate on its own.<P>"Well my marriage is over. Today he took my kids out WITH HER!!! She even told them she was daddy's girlfriend. I phoned him and gave him hell. I din't care if it was LBing or not. How DARE he introduce that ***** to them when he hadn't even admitted a relationship to me. <BR>I'm sitting here crying my eyes out...I am totally heartbroken that he could involve the kids. He didn't tell me, they did....he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore.<P>So now it's time to Plan B. He won't give her up to work on us because he doesn't want to... I am booking my tickets for ASAP now. This week if I can. I just can't deal with this. An HIS voice...Mr Calm...I'm sorry you're hurting...yeah??? Getting coaching from his little NLP A+ whore.<P>God I've been so stupid to think I even had a chance."<P>I don't want to try now, I think I'm moving to Plan C...How can anyone be so cruel to another human being? And that was my husband!!!<P>

I posted my reply on your other thread. Silly me. lol :-)<P>------------------<BR>Don't look back. You never know what is gaining on you.

Nina I am so sorry that you are going this pain right now I am there with you right now.<BR>My sons have just told me that this OM has been sleeping over in my house with my W. She even told them that they could not sleep with her , just for them to find out in the mornings that the OM is in mommies bed.<P>I just cannot understand how they can use the kids like this what do they think about the kids feelings (NOTHING) . All they are worried about is their own selfishness . How they feel, what they want.<BR>They are the ones who made the decision for not just themselves but for 3 or more other people and that in my book is a sign of selfishness and all they will ever care for is themselves. And if any conflict in their selfish little lives should arise they will walk away from it once more . Im sorry but they are also cowards.<P>Nina all that I can say to you at this moment is treasure and redirect your love from him to your kids.<BR>

I told him the reason our marriage failed was because we were weak, and that he was being selfish...reply??? "I'm sorry you feel that way." What a statement....absolution of all guilt, HE didn't make me feel this way. Sounds like something the ***** taught him to say.<P>Do YOU know any travel agencies online that can help me, since you are in SA? I tried to use one, but it wouldn't let me book because I wasn't in the US, Germany or Canada. I WANT to book tonight...get this out of the way!!!

Nina ,<BR>Why not try SAA.CO.ZA

Thanks, I did, and they don't go directly to Melbourne...when I am travelling with the kids, I don't want too many changeovers, which also add to the time of travel. I REALLY want toi go with Singapore airlines, tried their site, but they say there's no tickets available...<P>Thye have those little tv's the kids love, and I think I'm gonna need them to be distracted on the journey home.<P>

Nina,<P>I am so sorry to hear this latest update! It is always horrifying to read how badly people can behave toward their spouses, but I find it almost unforgiveable when they begin acting irresponsibly with their own children. It is mind boggling to think your H. could act so inhumane by not telling you the truth and then blatantly exposing your children to such a person...I am sorry this is happening to you!<P>I know your children come first and you must put their needs first. Obviously it will do them no good to continue spending time with a father who brings OW into the picture on those visits. I don't blame you one bit for moving!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{JACKY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Good luck and keep us updated!!

I don't know why I expect better of him...the scum. Letting his KIDS tell me what happened today. I sent him an email with the article from here about what infidelity does to kids....doubt he'll read it. That's the thing with me though, hurt me, but DO NOT hurt my family. Well, he's given me strength to move on, anyway.<P>He is an alien to me. Doesn't give a s*** how I feel...he says he knew I would be hurt, but basically, too bad! This man has never, in the whole time I have known him EVER hurt anyone. So why start with me??? He has never lied...why do it to me???<P>I am SOOOOOO angry, miserable depressed and feeling totally without power. This man needs HELP...it is not the guy I know. The guy I know would never, ever leave his kids, much less me.<P>I am practically suicidal tonight, feel like I'm worth NOTHING.

HELP!!! I am really dying here!

Come on Jacky, don't talk like that. You need to keep yourself together for those kids. You can do it, I know you can. I know it is hard but those kids really need their mum right now and talking like that really scares me.<P>Breathe, take a deep breath and breath again. Stay with us here. We are all here to help and listen to you vent. I am worried about you.<P>((((((((((Jacky))))))))))))<P>Hugs and Prayers from So. Cal.<P>Michele<BR>sballplyr_21@yahoo.com<BR>

Nina, posted on your other one then read this. YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING TO YOUR KIDS!!!!!! The grief process is just that and anger is one of the steps. Suicide? If he's as bad yoy say, and your gone, you know where the kids will probably end up. I'm assuming your not serious about that. Strange thing about suicide. I guess it all seems so simple and takes away immediate problems for the person doing it, but the pain and anquish it must leave behind for others. Kids may think it was their fault, etc. I remember when we had a waiting time to buy guns. My guess is we need a waiting period for suicide. Actually, I think it's a very selfish act done at the moment when a person is thinking only him/herself without thought to how others are going to feel afterwards. That doesn't sound like you at all. Anger, sadness, other feelings-normal stuff. Too bad we all have to endure it from time to time. As I said on other post, God Bless! Lee P.S. If you really are serious, please talk to someone immediately!

Sorry to worry you, and I truly appreciate your concern. I know I am the only consistent thing in my kids' life right now...I will ALWAYS be there for them. I would never hurt them in any way...I love them, and I will try my hardest to protect them from this.<P>I wish I could get through to H...he is just so NOT HIM. Willing to give up everything we ever had...and the KIDS. I'm not kidding when I say he was the world's best father, now he can't even keep their best interests at heart. <P>In Oz we have a saying "He is thinking with his d**k." Oh yeah, it makes it easier for him to throw this away... I have lost all respect for the man tonight. I have always believed that whatever happened between us, we should keep the kids out of it. Until today, I thought he was thinking the same way. He WANTED me to know about OW definetely, but to get his KIDS to tell me, that is lower than low. I hate him. I want out of here.

Sorry, one more thing. Moving, running, etc. Your feelings travel with you. You can't escape how you feel.

bear13lee,<P>I have NO choice if we don't reconcile. I am here, and the kids, too on HIS work visa. When he moves to another country in January, we HAVE to move from here, or follow him....not an option. I am running, but he has made it clear that he wants us out of his life, and was Mr Cool, the way he ssid it. THIS IS NOT MY HUSBAND. Not the man I have spent 17 years with. <P>I am so alone. I am in South Africa with two friends I can confide in, one of whom is friendly wioth the OW...SO really one friend. I HAVE to go, I just have to....I feel like I am being forced to leave him, but what else can I do???

So, where do I go from here exccept down...I am so, so despondant...I need input, I need friends...where is WFH, EWS and LH? Not that I'm saying everyone here hasn't been helpful...really I don't know what I'd do without this site, particulary this forum, cos it'ws quicker than most. I just want to scream, cry, go HOME where people love me. <P>I am in complete denial, somewhere inside that thing I used to call my h and the father of my children is lurking...I just don't think he will emerge any time soon....and I can't let myself be hurt any more. He WAS a kind, sweet, considerate, sexy, loving husband and father. All the changes I've seen over the last several months CANNOT be attributed to me alone. HE let go...he saw something else he wanted...I am powerless to fight.<P>I am not who I thought I was....I have to redefine myself...and tonight I just can't.<p>[This message has been edited by Nina too (edited August 26, 2001).]

{{{{{{{{{{Jacky}}}}}}}}}}<P>I am so sorry, dear. I just got home from work. Be still a moment, and listen.<P>Imagine how hurt H will be when she gets tired of him, and he realizes what he has done. The only thing that my WS understands is total non-communication...Remember that she has been in withdrawal, too, for some time. That stage hurts me much more than conflict. It has taken a very trying Plan B, but she is back to conflict, as you saw on Friday night. The first signs of them moving back into conflict is that the "I'm sorry you feel that way" (That is their version of an apology, BTW...close as it gets. They apologize for you...nice touch!) gets replaced with the even more selfish..."What did I do"" (Talk about your loaded questions!) Yes, I am sure that much of it comes from OW, but NLP has nothing to do with it. Remember that NLP is all about making things work, and modelling human excellence...it ain't mind-f@#$ing. Oh, and since we have them here, too...we call it that, too! <P>Right now, his agenda is twofold...push any blame and guilt onto you, and off of him, and make you hate him, so he can feel justified. My XW now has absolute venom in her speech to me...I have pi$$ed her off royally. Oddly enough, I have not even spoken to her at all, she has an effigy somewhere, I am certain...and he's a very bad boy apparently.<P>Jacky, this is where it gets tough, tough, tough. This is not about you, love...not at all about you. Now, tell me about your new jeans, and get that bath started...and I think that the wine is not such a bad idea in small quantities. I know that you are hurting my friend; I wish I could help in a more tangible way (Different modality...but please understand that if I could..<B>I would</B>.), but I am sending you out peace, love, and understanding. You are special to me, and I care about you, Jacky. Did you do your Hanon, and Czerny exercises, or do piano teachers even use that stuff any more? What can you play well? Can you play half of Sonata for Two Pianos in D? ('Cause if you can, then you are one helluva piano player!) Its a Mozart piece. I think it is the one in 'Amadeus' that he plays when he is giggling too much! Anyway, you had plans for today...what happened to your plans? You start with small goals...get good at doing them anyway...then, you go for the big fish. Patience.<P>So, you are not going west, then? I thought you could go through Chicago, and Nicole, Michelle and I could help you drink $5 cups of Starbucks coffee at O'Hare...get you a lilttle more Americanized! (Plus, I would like to take you on a date! To see Oprah!) God bless you...-Mike.<P> mtblake@netexpress.net ...send me an e-mail ASAP using an account that you can 'get at'. I have something important to tell you before my phone goes out.<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited August 26, 2001).]

Jacky I posted on your other post..<BR>You are a tough cookie.. Think about this.. You married this man cause you love him but, now he is not the man you married.. Maybe just maybe he really wasn't the man you thought he was? Jacky you are worth so much more and deserve so much more for you and your children.....]<BR>I do agree about moving.. Where you are moving to do you have family there? Are there people you know? It would be great for you to have a support group.. (not that we are not here for you dear).....<P>Hang in there <BR>You know we are all here for you<BR>Wishing you strength<BR>Janet

Mike, <P>Mike,<P>I have been waiting to hear from you....I've been working out the time difference...so I knew you'd be on soon. I'm so empty right now, and as for the wine, I've had about 5 whiskey and cokes by now, so maybe I'm FULL!!!<P><BR>I am so, so NOTHING right now...not anything nearing a human being... I just really, really want to die, and if it weren't for my babies, I would have done something by now, except give myself a big hangover tomorrow.<P>I am not coming to terms with this...I tried to tell him stuff, he was just MR Congeniality...so reasonable, and said things he normally wouldn't say...that's why I say he's being coached by Ms NLP expert.<P>I feel it, I know....today when this was going on, I phoned my friend and told her I thought he was taking HER with them today. She tried to say I was all upset over nothing...I couldn't prove it....BUT GODDAM IT I KNEW!!! Some people call what I have a gift... I call it a curse.<P>I phoned her back....she didn't sound all that surprised...she friends with OW. So now I have one friend here.<P><BR>I want to email the b**** and tell her how I hope she's happy that she took away a dad from his kids for her own self-gratification. She's about 34 and never had kids...ha ha on her...he's had a vasectomy. I want to kill her. I want to eradicate her from my memory. Oh HE now says he told me about the relationship. Bulls#!t!!! He told me he took her for a drive. He says he hasn't slept with her yet....yeah right.<P>I cannot find a site that will let me book my flights, and I am getting desperate. I just want to get the hell out of here....so I won't have to see HIM. Gives them both what they want now, but I don't care.<P>Yes, she will hurt him, because she showed a side to me that she probably hasn't shown to him yet....she is by FAR more *****y and grudge-holding than me if she doesn't get her own way....during our rehearsals she was always going off about her then beau. But I want to KILL her for spending today with MY children. Who the F*** does she think she is??? I will just bet that today was HER idea. Knowing I would find out and not caring a S***!!! OOH I want to email her and tell her what a rotten lowlife she is.<P>JJ. Correction, I WAS a tough cookie. Yes all our family is back in Oz...and believe me they are going to know the truth of this, and if that's vindictive, as he called me tonight, too bad. They have to know why a woman would take her kids away from their dad. I don't think the majority of them will believe a word I say... I can't believe it myself....loyal, dependable sweetheart to this>??? No way!

No Jackie hang in there.. Your family will be there for you won't they???<BR>Your children need you as much as you need them.. Let the ow deal with your h stupidness... You are a better person than that!!!!!! Be sober and there for the little one's they need you more than ever now just like you need them more than ever.. Do not give him any reason to seek custody....<BR>I am here for you... Just know that you have people here for you always..<BR>Wishing you well<BR>Janet

Thanks, JJ.<BR> <BR>Normally I don't drink much, but tonight, when my whole world has ended, when he hasn't noticed the changes in me after 8 months, well, I'm entitled to a little commiseration. And it was whiskey and coke or red wine....maybe red wine later.<P>Tomorrow, fogged over as I will be, I'm going to the travel agent and I am going home with the kids (can't get any relief from the net). I told him. He doesn't care. But he will, when the b**** shows him what she showed all of us in th theatrical shows we were involved in together. And no-one gets divorced THREE times before they're 40 unless there is serious problems within themselves. God, she used to ***** in the changeroom, about her then guy. And he HATES that. I know...she doesn't, ha ha, small consolation.<P>I am very bitter now...in fact I asked him to come back here and talk to me, and he wouldn't, I said if your marriage and your kids mean so little to you, then I'm going to Oz on the next available flight.....wall, wall, WALL!!! I said, you are not yourself....he almost admitted it. I am not myself either now because I HATE him for what he's doing to us.<P>I don't think I'll sleep tonight.<P>I am in the most unbearable pain.