The years aren't wasted. You have a lot of happy memories that belong to you. Keep them. Don't let this destroy them.<BR>You have wonderful children as a result of this. <BR>Who you are is a result of the years spent together. You have a lot to be proud of and you need to remember that. <BR>

Chris, I just reread my response, above, and it sounded a bit like: no you're not stupid, you're drunk. I surely did not mean it in that way! I'm trying to help and am a little curt at times. I think you are an amazing person.<P>TryingAgain

Chris, <P>As others have stated, you are NOT stupid. Best I can tell, you are a man of integrity and honor. Rare qualities for men these days. Most, and I really mean MOST, women would cherish the devotion you display for your marriage. <P>Chris, only you know if it is time to move on. I doubt if anyone here would say you haven't given this your best. Biblically, you have every right to move on. If your love for her has truely been depleated, then maybe it is time. <P>We are all here for you. <P>SHA<P><P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <BR>

Thanks everyone! (sniffle, sniffle)<BR>I know it wasn't a waste of time. I just feel like a candy bar wrapper. Eat all the good stuff inside & toss the wrapper in the bin.<P>Jeez, I bawled like a baby for about two hours last night. Yeah, I know alcohol isn't the best thing to be doing right now, but sometimes, ya' just gotta get dumb & numb. She called last night and talked to my youngest. She didn't want to talk to me. I think that's what set me off. I feel much better today.<P>Yeah, I can hang on. Okay Harleys. Six month+ now! Let's get this show on the road!!<P>Private Lies is a very good book. Even though everything says she will wake up one day, she is in fansyland, etc. it is still so freakin' difficult at times.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hey Chris -<P>I think we need to get back to redoing <BR>the house!!<P>Meant to ask you if your windows came in <BR>that were on order? Did you start the <BR>bathrooom, yet?<P>I haven't gotten to far with the bedroom <BR>and as soon as my back feels better, I <BR>will plunge myself into it.<P>It's a good time for that now - what <BR>with the weather getting cooler and the <BR>windows can be opened instead of the AC <BR>being on.<P>Did you end up moving pictures and <BR>things around.<P>I think we need some new looks around <BR>the house to help with new outlooks for <BR>ourselves!!!!<P>What do you think?<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

Windows did come in, but I need a free weekend to do it & I haven't had one yet. Maybe Saturday.<P>I've taken a shower in the bathroom, but not started fixing it up yet. I haven't gotten around to the pictures yet, but I did get a few boxes. Time to empty the closet & dressers.<P>Been living out of a pile of clothes in the basement, cause I haven't gotten around to folding them yet. Time to get to work cleaning!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hi Chris,<P> Sounds like you are feeling a little better.....sooner or later she has to come out of this fantasy of hers...hope it's sooner. You did like "Private Lies"?....did the romantic description fit your wife.? One thing Frank Pittman believes that Harley doesn't is that sometimes the marriage is good and the affair still happens , due to the betrayers mindset, problems etc...and then the marriage goes bad.(The secrecy and lies are what destroy the marriage.)They both agree it's a fantasy and the fantasy will end so that's good! Take care....LU

Hi Chris -<P>You're so funny.....<P>I'm very happy that you've taken a shower!!!! See, not everything in our lives has to change because of all this!!! LOL!!<P>Good start with getting the boxes!! My H's stuff is getting put in big plastic garbage bags!!! Hmmmmmm.....think there's a little underlying message in that?<P>My Whack-a-doodle called a little while ago. Didn't seem to be a reason - just to talk about nothing, really......<P>I had to tell another one of his/our friends about H moving out and filing. He hasn't told anyone which doesn't surprise me because he doesn't talk to anybody anymore!!!<P>It's just so hard to tell all these people and I feel so bad as they get upset........God, this just stinks!!<P>Told H about it though and felt better - not sure if I love-busted - you tell me, OK? I told him and then said that it is really lousy that he gets to take off and leave me with cleaning up the mess!! He didn't get mad - he sorta apologized. Well, as close to one as he gets now, anyway.<P>Was that bad of me, do you think?<P>He asked me about his winter uniforms and clothes which are still here (if I know where they are, etc.) then said that he needed to come over and switch the summer ones for some of the winter ones.<P>I got a little confused on that one!! Do you think that means that he is planning on keeping his summer ones here and if so, why would he want to do that?<BR>I can't keep up with this!!<P>Told him I was going to start the bedroom and he said that He would come over and take out the upstairs air conditioner.....OK!!!!<P>I cleaned out the bureau that he had left here and have been washing my clothes that have been put away for lack of space. Filled that sucker right up!!<P>You'll probably do the same once you get yours folded!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Well, I cleaned out 2 closets of her clothes & boxed 'em up. Didn't feel anything except like I was putting clothes in boxes.<P>I guess it was sorta a lovebuster. Nah, it wasn’t bad. I woulda done the same.<P>Sounds like he wants to just not live at home and have a relationship with you. Leave his stuff there?!? Hello Goodwill!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hey -<P>I'm glad you got through the boxing part OK. That's really good!!! Guess you've gotten a lot of emotions out since vacation! We all work through this in our own ways -don't we?<P>Thanks for the LB answer - I thought it wasn't too good right after I said it, but when he didn't blow - I figured I was OK on it.<P>As far as relationship but not living home. You know, I've been pondering this same thought and it's giving me this lousy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I could see it now - he's trying to fulfill his statement of "in 10-20years I'll want to have you to grow old with."<P>My God, Chris - this is going to come down to me having to tell him to get lost!!!!!! Even if we divorce, he's gonna keep me in limbo!!! I don't know what to do or if I have the strength to do anything!!!!<P>I can't even comprehend giving his stuff to Goodwill!!!!<P>I'm doomed!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>