Short history I am soon to be delivering a baby and my H kicked me out of his home a while back....I was doing ok for a while and then it all hit at once as usual....I guess since the baby will be here soon I will have to face him again and I do not want to break down in front of him. I have not spoken with him in over a month now and I am finally settling in to being alone and all and it is harder because I do love him and never expected this to happen.<P>I do not even know where to begin with the divorce process or custody. I will not deny him rights to his child I just am not ready to face the man that I love dearly right now. I thought I was a lot tougher than what I am being at the moment. <P>Has anyone ever been in this situation or someone who might be able to offer advice/?<p>[This message has been edited by movingahead (edited August 27, 2001).]

Don't get me wrong...I enjoy being a man, but I would so love the opportunity to have a life grow inside of me, what a gift!<P>This is the most profane example of selfishness I have heard of in a long time. <B>I am sorry.</B><P>I am confused...his home? Are you not married to him still, and are you not carrying his child? Okay, <B>I</B> can get his point...whatever, but this is beyond cruel.<P>I can't offer you practical advice about the situation, only say that I understand part of your pain, and I pray that God watch over you, and keep you safe. What are you going to name your baby? -Mike

I am sorry this is happening to you, I do not understand how he can put you out of YOUR OWN HOME when you are having his baby. I am a man and hope you do not judge us all by his actions. If I were you I would seek leagal advice for you and your child. I will keep you in my prayers. You are much stronger than you think you are. Take care of yourself and that baby.<P>

Thank you both for the emotional support. It is very appreciated. My STBX and I have not been married all that long we upped our wedding date when we found out I was pregnant. He then realizes ok we are going to be in a financial rut. I have a son also from a previous relationship that is going through all of this with me.<P>Ok to answer a question yes it is his familys home that we lived in. He has done this before and this time I left me being pregnant had a lot to do with our troubles me being an emotional wreck. I have had various problems with this pregnancy and could not handle the I want a divorce and get out....any longer. So here I am no job, no money, living with family, and trying to pay bills....yea sure. I know I am feeling sorry for my self in many ways I just have those good days and those bad days and lately they have been awful. Like I said I am not ready to face him again. One of my friends will e-mail him after the baby is born and then the rest is up to him. He can initiate everything. I have tried over and over with him and all he does is say things like...well even though our marriage sucks atleast I was getting some...or it was over way before it started...and after two months of being apart I should be over it.<P>I feel like a piece of SHI#. Exactly what he wanted me to feel like I presume. Anyway if anyone has any ideas or knows what typicaly happens with custody of a newborn I would like to know.<P>Oh you asked me about the name....that is a funny question considering he says he is going to press charges if I do not give the baby his last name. His mother told me that is cruel if I give the baby my maiden name...why I asked...you two are married...I say and your point being he kicked US out of a home...shows how much he cared....I told her that I use my maiden name and it was never changed...so since I filed for assistance....I have to use my name....and I am not secluding one child out....one kid with his name....me and my other one with mine....but, I may still give the baby his name as a middle name considering it is a family name and his chances of having children were one in a million.<P>I know a lot of you probably think I am awful about the last name thing....I just am trying to do what feels right in my heart....I figure since his fingers must be broke or he must not be able to hear (since we have no contact) that He does not care too much about anything but himself....<P>If only I never cried or got sad we would not be here right now. I wish I kept that brick wall up and never let him get to me. I know now I need to find the strength to do just that when I see him again. (if he comes around) The lawyer I did speak with figures he will disappear eventually....but, I am going to look good and be strong and act like he never existed. I do not need him to know he has gotten the best of me and broken my heart.<P>K

Have you ever read any books about verbal or emotional abuse? It sounds like this is what your H was doing and believe me it affects your feelings about your own self quite a bit. I learned alot reading about this and it could help you see how damaging continuing your feelings for him would be. Good luck with your new baby- name that little tyke whatever you choose! lifeismessy

Thank You life is messy. What I have read on this situation basically tells me that I am a co-dependent. When he thought we were fighting I did not. Because, that is what I am used to. I have only dated one person in my life that treated me right. And I messed that all up because I did not know how to deal with it. You never know what you have until it is gone.<P>I hoped he would change but, he does not believe people can change. I wish I wish, I am a dreamer I always look at the positive that can come and I believed counseling would help us a great deal only if he was willing. But, he is not and I need to just let all of this be. But, yes the co-dependency thing I need to fix. need to stop that cycle. <P>Atleast I will never be walked out on pregnant again...LOL I plan of fixing that problem as soon as the baby gets here.<P>K