Laurie I have to agree with what you say about having to have a crises. My wife left with the children 20 months ago and stated the reason as she was no longer in love. I was much like your H in many respects, including changing myself. I too have done a complete 180 but with not much sucess. We are on good terms and tells me she has no problem being friends and last week told me we could go out as friends. She also told me she was happy right now with her life. She has a nice apartment, the boys and a year long relationship with a 26 yr old man (she's 40). Since leaving she's done a 180 she was a great wife and homeaker and now hangs around with younger people, partying at bars, wears reaveling cloths and has gotten a tatoo. She looks at having fun and thinks nothing of the future. I guess what I'm asking is what was it that got you intrested in your H again. Some people tell me to stop giving her everything she wants. Every time she needs something I'm there to hand it to her. Wethre it some help or 1000 dollars because she cant handle her finances. I'm still crazy about her and she still reminds me to not push anything past a frindly relationship. I could sure use some input. It seems these feelings should be gone but I still hurt deeply and wonder if it will ever end. Thanks, Ken

Ken......<P> May I ask whats wrong with tattoos? I got one last year and I am in my late 30s. I have no regrets I love it. I'm sorry for what you are going through. And I know what that pain and hurt feels like believe me. You don't ever think one person you are in love with or in my case were in love with can give you so much pain. I don't know what road I am heading down yet but I have gotten a little better towards myself. There for awhile I had such a wall built up around me and so depressed I thought I would be better gone. But then I thought about my kids and could never do that to them. And in all don't think I could ever hurt myself. I am glad I got past that thinking. Keep us informed we are here for you.

Nothing wrong with tatoo's, I just dont understand the change from June Cleaver to Spice girl and Party hound. Its been a long time and wonder if its just a phase that she'll get thru or if she's really like this. It seems like some type of mid life crises but its lasting an afully long time. I some times feel sorry for her even though she having a good time, because she dos'nt think about the consequenses of her actions. Do you or anyone else think she'll regret this at some point and want to reconsider?

Ken,<P>I don't know if anything I say here will help, but it sounds like your W is going through a classic midlife crisis. (Wonder, what is wrong about his W getting a tatoo is that it was totally out of character for her.)<P>The year my H had an affair, he too was contemplating getting a tatoo, and also getting his ear pierced. (He was approaching 40.) And he was buying new clothes for himself like every week (new jeans, new shirts, etc.) Me, like a stupid idiot, didn't think anything of this. I should have seen the neon signs!!<P>Sometimes these midlife crises past as quickly as they come. Likely, your W will burn out from all the clubbing and carrying on. The thing is, are you willing to wait for her. <P>I definitely do not think you should be facilitating this madness by giving her $ or making it convenient and easy for her. Read Dr. Harley's book "Surviving An Affair," and implement "plan B," where there is to be no more contact with your W while she is involved with the OM. That will do one of two things, either seal the coffin shut and end the marriage for good, or bring her to her senses. It's a gamble, but I know it is one that I'd have to take.<P>I was blessed that my H got it right away and made all those changes in himself. If he hadn't, I probably would have divorced him. I say probably only because no one knows what they would do until they're in that situation. But knowing my temperament, it is very unlikely I could have stood by and waited for him to make up his mind.<P>I pray your W comes to her senses.<P>------------------<BR>No one said this (life) was going to be easy.<P>

Lauri<BR> I thought the midlife thing was over about 6 months ago when she started staying home with the boys on some Saturday nights. She told her mom she was getting tired of going out all the time, then after a month she was back at it. I have tried the dating thing and was even sexually with one. I did tell my wife this and she broke into tears. I also asked why and she explained she's not a cold fish and after 20 years that feelings dont just go away. As far as waiting for her I guess I'm in for the real long haul its been almost 2 years all ready and I'v found there's not much out there, that intrest's me. I have no problems meeting women theres just not much out there. Besides if I was in a relationship I would leave it in a second to return to my W. So its not fair to someone else. I can try to stop giving her money but it would be hard to have no contact with her because of our two sons, I see them between 3 and 5 times a week and have never been denied seeing them, which is a blessing. I'v been trying to put her feelings first and belive me its a lot better now then it was in the begining. She would not even want to talk on the phone and now we sometimes kiss or hug when we see each other (friendly type) and we did go out as friends to the movies with the boys last Saturday night and had a nice time. She was very adiment about it being just friends though. I have made all the changes, like your husband did but it seem maybe it was too late. She was already out of the house. She also tells me she respects me for the way I changed my life but she's just not in love. Your storie gave me hope and is an insperiation for me to fight for my family to again be together. God bless your Marriage and the best to you and yours.<BR> Ken