Guys I feel like such a mooch. I have so many questions and some of them I think are impossible to answer. Thats what stinks so very much. What would you guys do if you felt that your wife and father in-law were taking advantage of your generosity? Heres the deal. We borrowed about 12k from her father years ago. Likewise, we borrowed about 8k from my folks. My folks forgave the debt. Her father didnt ask for any of it until the separation. In the settlement, I took that debt, for the house which I am selling. I am paying him 100 a month to repay it. I am sure he is just passing it along to her. Also, I gave her a bit more child support in our separation agreement (appr 250/month) because she said she needed time and the papers say nothing of divorce. What happens should we decide to divorce June 2002? Is it possible that during the proceedings child support can be calculated again and set at what it should be? She has a college degree and can earn more money. What happened during your divorces, etc.

Hey I don't want to sound like a mean person here. But in most states your each responsible for half the debt. Don't let you heart rule your head. Take care of yourself. Don't give away the farm, she will take it and when you are over the emotional hurt you will hate yourself for it. If you are this far along, get a lawyer, most will talk for a nominal fee. Remember all lawyers sell is words, they are not bad guys, but they are not marriage rebuilders either. But you are going to lose alot of money if you don't talk to someone.

Rob, Ohio attorney here. In Ohio, and probably all states, anything having to do with kids is subject to modification so I have to assume the child support is modifiable. The thing on the debt is one I see all the time. It's amazing how many times gifts get turned into loans when there is a divorce or separation. Generally the debt would go to the person taking the home, but the equity to be reduced for division. All kind of works out the same way as splitting the debt. You think the money is going to her. Good possibility. On the other hand, it can raise some IRS questions they may not want to deal with. I don't know if you had a separation agreement drawn up, but follow the last person's advice and see an attorney. Check around with friends, etc. and finds someone that does a lot of this and ask about consultation fees. Some do charge, some do not. Good luck to you. Lee

Sorry, cut myself off-how did your parents forgive the debt? Were notes signed, etc. Again, talk to an attorney. You may still owe your parents, or it could factor in another way even if you don't owe them.

Thanks for the advice and support.<P>Bear: We do have a separation agreement and I agree to pay him back the 12k that we owed. It was the right thing to do because in fact we did borrow that money with a verbal agreement to pay it back. I really dont have a problem with that. I am sure that he gives it back to her. Now, my wife probably pays him and then he just floats it back as cash. I hurts a little, but then again I am doing the right thing by paying my debt. If they want to deal in treachery and robbery, that is their choice. I WILL eventually come back to them - God is a good God, but He is also a God of wrath and vengenance. We often forget that side of Him. Anyway, we do have a Separation Agreement and in it I agreed to the sum of 600 child support every two weeks and 50 every two weeks for the FIL debt. I make good money. That is about 150/month more than I should have given. My question was since there is no divorce on the table as of yet, can that be revisited at the time of divorce. The separation agreement asks that it be incorporated into any divorce decree. My attorney stated that all this was is an agreement with my wife and myself. It has not been filed with the court (i dont think). Her father alluded to the fact that he wanted her to do something a bit more legal. The document states that should one of us not hold up there end of the agreement, the other party can sue. So it is my understanding that this would have to be a civil suit not a suit in family court. Am I wrong (as Bill O'Reilly would say)<P>The father in law is a wretched individual at times. I understand this is his daughter, but throughout the marriage he has meddled and been stand-offish. I understand to an extent, because frankly, my drinking and hers caused big problems. I am certain she is drinking just based on the friends she is going out with and the fact that her Paxil is not helping her. Drinking and anti-d's are a bad mix if you are trying to get better. I know, I did it for 5 months. I was a wreck. Anyway, she got really cold after talking lovingly with me last week. Perhaps she showed more feelings than she wanted to. She said "I dont THINK there is anything YOU could do to make me believe you have changed." Her father says the kids would be better off if we divorced and got other spouses so everyone would be happy. Kind of strange huH