In my last couple of postings and in the last week I've pretty much decided that I can't take her back, because of her affair and I could never trust her again. Not that she was going to come back, since her parents were at my door at 6:00 am this morning! They said, that they were just going to pick up a few things that my wife needed, but they took all her crystal, a table her grandma gave her, anything that was hers for the most part. I was watching my in-laws, them not saying much, me not knowing what to say, but knowing that this is the sign that she is not comming back. Why take winter jackets now?<BR> This all happen after I e-mailed her and told her that I changed the locks and that if she wanted/needed anything I would bring it to her parents. Obviously this kinda pissed her parents off. Oh well, what was I suppose to do? Let her come home all the time while I'm gone at work. She would just get into my world to see what I've been up to while she's been gone. I don't go to her parents and sit in her bedroom while she's at work.<BR> My in-laws said at the end that she would like to see the dog also. Realizing that they weren't just taking things they needed, I told them, "I don't know what to say, but I'm not letting you take my dog." I know that I'd never be welcome at their home to go get him back. They tried to be friendly(somewhat), but I got the vibe that they were pissed about the locks and they were trying to take what they could. How do I keep my dog? I need to call an attorney today and start the divorce process. I need to protect my home and dog. She's given up and I think that much is clear.<BR> It all hit me pretty hard when her parents left, but I didn't cry. Wanted to somewhat, but didn't. I feel the same way I did when she left a month ago. My wife is dead. It's all happening so fast. I know some of you wait for years, but how can I when now she's moved out totally, doesn't want to talk, and she's totally seeing another guy who she says she loves. I don't want her back now. I'd want my wife back that I loved, but this new her that could do this can go to H3ll for all I care! Venting, sorry.<BR> I wanted to file earlier than the 18th of Nov. anyway, so I guess this is my wake up call. She's not even considering comming back and I don't want her after her new lover dumps her. I feel sorry for her and her family. I feel sorry for my family. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but it's hard. The, "Why me?" always comes up once in a while.<BR> When you try to do your best in life and then you just get slapped in the face how can you not get depressed. I feel the same as I did a month ago. I don't feel hungry and I feel just blah. If I lose another 20 pounds this 6'3" body won't have anything left. I will try to make myself eat, but right now I just want to curl up and sleep for a long time. God give me strength and give me the courage to carry on. I know I'll make it, but in the end who will "I" be. Who is this new divorced me? <P>Needed to get that out,<P>FF63<BR>

((((((((((((((((FF63)))))))))))))))))))<P>i just wanted you to know I read your post and that I feel your pain. Gee after just one month???? This is so drastic a move. It doesn't help you that her parents are giving her that support either. It's just too easy for people to walk away from commitment today, but when she has the backing of her family, it will just make it seem more right for her.<P>Yes she is a different "her"...the one not in the fog would never do this to you. I know that feeling, I don't even recognise my h anymore...all his personality has disappeared, and there is this shell filled with someone else walking around. And I don't want THAT new person either.<P>So I know how you feel with that.<P>Fill the spaces her stuff left behind, create a different look to your place. Try to look after yourself...sleep is a good way to start, but don't just shut yourself away. You need to keep in touch with the world.<P>Take care.

Thanks for the cyber hug Nina, I love the idea of rearranging the house and filling the spaces. I haven't talked to or seen my wife for over 3 1/2 weeks! The fact that they came to get most of her stuff means for me that they also think that it's over. Time to file. <P>Sad to say,<P>FF63

Hey there..........<P>It's only been three and a half weeks, and I know that taking all her stuff looks like it's the end, but, it's still such a short time to be filing for divorce. Why should you be filing anyway...it wasn't your decision to leave.<P>Take a few very deep breaths and think of all the wonderful stuff you have learned here about Plan A'ing, and if you want to try to win her back, apply that knowledge.<P>A little comment about her A. You said you can't trust her again...don't you mean WON'T? Anything can be done if you try. I know because I have done it once, and I'm working on the second time.<P>I forgave my h's a because it was killing me not to. I was becomeing a bitter suspicious wretch. I was pushing him away with my questions and hurting. I HAD to let it go. <P>I was too late however, he left and is currently in his second a. It isn't easy but it CAN be done, and only by you. All you have to do is try hard. Really hard....REALLY, REALLY hard. But it CAN be done.<P>Take care.

Nina, I would love the oppertunity to forgive her, but after a month of Plan A where she was for sure not going to give up her new lover. I then started Plan B and have not talked to her in 3 1/2 weeks. She doesn't want to talk or try to work things out. She wants to get divorced and run away with her new man. I'd love to be able to trust her again, but this came so out of the blue and who knows when it would happen again. She never complained and never said that anything was wrong. She seemed to be completely happy with her life. I could never know or even be able to tell if she's doing this same thing agian. <P>I will forgive her, but I'll never forget how much pain she's put me through and the mean things she's said like,"I never found you attractive or felt passionatly towards you." "I feel that way about this new man". You just can't forget those things. There is some truth to them even though she apologized the next day.<P>I need to move on and let her screw up her life for the next couple of years and not mine. I totally loved who she was, but could never see myself with her now. Truly I can't trust her ever again, not even if I try.<P>FF63

Just bumping this one up for people that want to read all my postings together. Any more input would be great!<P>Thanks <BR>FF63