This is really my first time to post a new topic. Today is my annversary today of my second marriage. Was a really great girl when I married her. She didn't do anything that was her fault. She developed Bi-Polar Disorder. I saw a wonderful young lady and mother go to a disfuctinal human being. Want to talk about hard? Who do you blame for that? God? I love my wife more than anything in this world. Would and have done everything possible for her. Found her a therapist, called her everyday to make sure she took her meds. Cooked took care of kids when she was so depressed that she couldn't get off the couch. Did everything I was supposed to do. She still left. This is the third time she has left. But since she has filed for the divorce, im going to let her have her way. I know I would be better off. She had spent us into the poor house, still the bi-polar thing. I make alot of money, i will recover. My first wife cheated on me, for two years I put up with that crap. <P>What I'm wanting to say to everyone here is that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I take great solice in the fact that I did not cause either of my two wives to leave. I've read and read about stuff. The two phrases I like the most are: Don't look for the right person to marry, be the right person to marry. And you can care about someone, but you can't care for them. To me, that means you do what is right. Then you don't have to worry about what the other person will do. I did what was right, the high road in both cases. I got custody of my twin little boy, my ex cheating spouse pays me child support. With my STBX, i gave her things i didn't have to, because it was right. I can look in the mirror and have great pride that I was a good husband and dad, thats worth alot. Because now the cheating X is having to answer alot of questions to the twins about why we are not married. I'm glad I don't have to look in their eyes and tell them, "I was a cheat and thought more about my sex life than I did you two little guys". As far as hurting and pain, nothing is going to make that go away for all you guys/gals that just got divorced. You will just have to wear it out, nothing else will do it. For sure not drugs and drink. The great thing about being alone is you can do what you want. If want to stay in the house, do it. If you want to go out do it. But don't do things you are not ready to do. I really don't care what anybody says, if you want them back, in time they will come back, especially if they were wrong. You will find, that you don't want them back. You have found someone else. I haven't found anyone yet, not looking. But you guys hang in there, this will end, may not today, may not tomorrow, but i will end. You life will be better. As far as a cheat, they will do it again and you will be right back to square one with the emotions, sitting up late wondering, questioning every trip they make. You don't want to go through that again. You want to be in love, love with someone that wants you. It will happen, trust me. Your just afraid of the unknown, and being alone. If you want it, someone will come in your life. And you will look back and think about why you wanted them back in the first place.

Hello... welcome to MB! Did you say you've read some of the *good stuff* on this board? I'm glad.<P>So, although I thank you for your words... I'm unsure what you're thinking in terms of how we can help you with your situation... We're here to support you and give you a place to vent if that's what you need! The people here are wonderful!<P>Anyway, I read your post and it sounds like you're justifying or convincing yourself that what you're about to do is truly the best thing. I hope so for your sake... and I hope for healing and change in both of your wives. <P>Well, take care and keep coming back!<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

thank you for this post...I think maybe you wrote this for me to read - much like being at church and feeling like the pastor is preaching directly to you!<P>I struggled with my marriage for the past year and a half; began posting here in January of this year as I was recovering from a very brief affair with a co-worker - has been over for more than a year now. Anyway...I knew husband and I were distancing and it was getting worse no matter what I tried - books, counselling, video session on building marriages - he wasnt interested. It was shortly thereafter that I wound up in a very brief affair. Told husband about it or tried but he wasnt interested in details as I had discovered that he had been participating in an online dating service. We just dropped the entire coversation. That was in March of last year and we never were able to rebuild in any sort of capacity. He tells me that he loves me and always will but that he doesnt want to be married and never had an opportunity to party - I think he is hitting mid-life crisis. We have struggled for months now.<P>He left in July (few weeks ago) and filed for divorce ten days later; I have been over and over on the emotional roller coaster and finally prayed to God to please "SHOW ME THE TRUTH"...and yesterday a co-worker of my husbands called me. Hasnt seen me or spoken with me since March of this year. He told me that my husbands new friend is a very bad influence in him and that all the times I thought (had been told that they were going to hooters) that they were actually at strip clubs in Atlanta. Maybe no big deal to go there but he has been lying to me about when they go and how long they stay and all of it. That wasnt why the friend called but he just wanted me to know that they thought highly of me and know how bad I wanted the marriage and that I was in their thoughts.<P>Today I have peace; although I made some poor choices in my marriage - I still wanted it to work!!! When husband asked me for a divorce I still told him that problems between us were not ones that couldnt be worked out. I never thought he may have someone else until yesterday, but the elusive things he told me surely filled in some gaps. I am not blaming him but just knowing the truth is peaceful. <P>My divorce is final on October 8; since that phone call yesterday I have a true tiny-bit of peace to know that this is out of my hands now, and I will not SEW anymore to restoring our relationship.<P>I may never find someone again that I love enough to marry, but I will work to be the right one for someone else to marry, but not be looking for that. <P>Many thanks,<BR>Scuba