Hello I am new to this board but have been reading for a few weeks now and figured this would be a good way to get my thouhgts out. It started about 8 months ago. I switched jobs and my wife and myself were not financially great but ok. I took a pay cut which led to a bankrupcy. She really resented me for that. After about a year of marriage things started to fall apart. We were arguing more about money and how I spent my time. I started reading more and studying for certification testing more and shutting her out. She started resenting me more for this. Then I started chatting with other women on the internet. Then I started wanting to see other women. She found out. She got us started on marriage counseling and individual counseling for myself. I stopped for the most part with the internet chat but not all together. She was finding more and more things that I was doing. Then I was taking my son back to Texas after visitation and decided to see a friend I was talk to on the internet. While waiting to meet I got a call from a friend saying she knew what I was doing and changing the locks and throwing my stuff out. I never met the friend. I came back to my friend and was staying with him. She was really angry at me and drew up a seperation agreement. She started talking to my friend more and more. Then she started going out with him. Then he told me he had slept with her. I was so hurt and upset. I left and moved in with another friend. She is now seeing my friend on a regular basis. She does not talk to me. She talks to my mom a lot and says she is worried about me. I am going to individual counseling and started going back to church. I do not want this marriage to end. I want to save it. She says she does not know if she can ever trust me again. She does not know if she will go through with the divorce. I am picking up the rest of my stuff on Thursday. She does not want to be there. She does not want to have anything to do with me right now. She now has my friend and he is filling all her needs. I have completely stopped looking for something else and want my marriage to work. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any chance of reconciliation in this case?

Hello...<P>Welcome to MB... glad you're here and that you really want to do the best you can to BUILD your MARRIAGE. Yes, your wife is hurt... and due to the circumstances that led both of you to this place, it's not an easy way out.<P>Now, you've stated that you've been here a couple of weeks, so by now you know about the basic concepts... Plan A, Plan B, Emotional Needs, no Love Busters... if not, please go back to the main page and read through this stuff... THEN as you begin to implement, please come back and post about your progress.<P>We're here to support you. Maybe you could suggest that your wife come here too - though for each of your confidentiality, you don't need to tell her your handle nor you know hers. It's an open forum yet confidential to identities, if people so choose. <P>Take care and keep coming back!<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

Thanks for the advice but I am affraid that I have reveived the dear john letter stating that she can not trust me and needs to move on in her life. She is still seeing my ex friend and is becoming deeply involved with him. She pretty much told me it was over in the letter. My response was childish and rash. First I told her I still had feelings for her and wanted another chance. Then I decided that if that is what she wanted I would leave her alone. Just really confused and hurt right now. I am in no position to make any decisions. I must also move on with my life as well.

Maybe you could go see your pastor together or a Christian counselor- even if you just went once together it may be helpful. I know my H and I went to one and he stressed the importance of FORGIVING each other. Even though we were still on a roller coaster after that I do believe it made an impact on both of us. take care- lifeismessy

I am affraid she is still too angry and involved with another person to go and see a counselor or a pastor together. She is going to counseling and so am I as individuals. Maybe over time she will soften but I do not see things ever coming back. But thanks for the advice.