Hi all, it's been a while since I've posted...early October 2000, right after the D was final on 10/4. Sorry to feel that I can just jump right back in but... <P> My XW has had a change of heart...again (see next to last paragraph in this post); she's pursuing a new job (she currently works with the OM) and plans on moving out of the OM's house ASAP. They've had several 'falling outs' and I guess the last straw must have hit a couple of weeks ago because she gave me the run down of the problems in their relationship, her unhappiness with him, etc., etc., etc. -- I was on the opposite end of that conversation in March of 2000.<P> Anyway, she simply does not (and will not with the new job) make enough money to even think about moving out on her own. I've offered to give her back the two monthly child support checks she sends me to help her out, but that still won't get her over the top; she's about a year away from getting an engineering degree whereas she could afford to do this on her own.<BR> The counselor I was seeing told me to absolutely not let her move back into my house until she's out on her own for at least six months, and I agree. But, what do you do when your X has apparently seen the light but can't financially support themself? She hasn't asked to move back in with the girls and I (and I haven't offered), but I'd really like for us to try to work on our relationship again.<P> The biggest kicker is that she did this to me in February 2001 -- she was positive she wanted to move back in but didn't know how to tell him, blah blah blah. I think it was more insincere at that time than it seems to be now, but I don't want to get hurt again....there's no reason for me to trust her.<P> She says she wants to do it right this time (finding her own place, being self-sustaining, etc.). So, my question is: What stance do I take? Any comments, suggestions, etc. are greatly appreciated.<P>thanks,<BR>Theo<P><BR>

just realized that I posted this to D/D...I'll move it over to General Q's...<P>Theo

I know it is hard to not want to rescue her, but this is what she wanted, I think the best thing is to let her except responsibility for herself and her finances, maybe let the child suppoert go for awhile if you can afford it, but thats about it. I wouldn not help fincially but I would keep plan A going.<P>