Hi all,<P>I've been visiting this site for over a year now. D-day for me was Nov. '99. My H moved out in Jan. 2000 and in with OW in June 2000. There is NO chance of reconciliation and after a year of trying (Plans A and B), I now know that it's over for good.<P>I asked my H to file for the divorce and so we are at that stage. We are civil to each other and actually friendly. While this tore my heart out, I am now healing. I feel that I've forgiven him and I actually feel a "friendship" of sorts. I still love him...more like a brother....not romantic love...at all. He'll always be a special person to me. I don't see us interacting much, except as it relates to our commonly held property. And that's just fine with me.<P>This site has been a life-saver for me...truly. I know I wouldn't be here today had it not been for the encouragement I received here. And it's helped my heart to help others too.<P>But in January of this year, I started a new mindset that it was time to go forward and to let that chapter of my life go. I've been able to do that (with very minor setbacks) and it feels good. <P>This isn't what I thought would happen. It isn't what I wanted. But it's what happened. God has been good to me thru this. And while this wasn't His perfect plan for me, I do feel that He can still use me and make my life beautiful. It's already starting. I still have healing to do, but I finally have hope, desire, etc. And in some ways, this has actually been a blessing in disguise.<P>Anyway, after reading so many of the posts here lately, it seems like maybe it's time for me to move on. I'll probably still lurk that's for sure. But the day to day interaction just isn't there as much.<P>What'cha think?<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

perhaps this was gods plan for you and you didn't know it, it is through pain and suffering that we are allowed to grow as human beings it is through the pain and suffering that we come to know the goodness of god. You are a better person today thannn you were a year ago whether you know it or not. And life is going to keep getting better for you. It is good to have people here that have survived the pain, abtained good growth and have started to heal. We need you to stick around share your strength, hope and experience, also look at it as away of paying back this board, if there weren't people who stuck around and helped you where would you be, I think it important to pay back what we recieved here. so stick arounf and help, but also keep moving forward and develop a better life for yourself.<P>

MrsO,<P>Don't leave us, please. Not just yet anyway. You have contributed so much here in sharing your experience, strength and feelings. Jabber makes a good point about being here for the next person. But let me take that a step further.<P>Reaching out to others is a very real part of the healing process. You know I am a recovered alcoholic. I stay sober by working with others who want to get sober. When I minister to pidgeon, (a newbie), that person in turn is ministering help to me.<P>The aftermath of divorce still isn't over for me even after seventeen years. Lord knows, I've been divorced longer than some of the folks here have been married. When a crisis hit last fall, I thank God this board and these folks were here. It is about all that kept me in off the ledge. <P>Like you, my ex and I have made our peace. You are absolutely right, it is now more like a brother - sister relationship than anything that occurs between lovers. Sometimes I don't believe it is all happening in one lifetime. When my ex met the woman I'm dating now, the two of them hit it off! They sat there and chatted for three hours during dinner. Felt funny at first, but if they can handle it, why should I worry? Then of course, there came the day when my daughter and my girl friend went out shopping together. With my credit card! Well that's another whole story. <P>Things are a little slow for me right now too. But I check the board ever couple of days just to see how everyone is doing. So, I hope you'll keep coming back for as long as you need to. We all kinda like you here.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

Hi Mrs. O,<P>I haven't talked to you much, but I have really admired you thru your responses to others. I've been at the point you're at for a while now, but just can't help myself when it comes to lurking and occasionally chiming in. I think in a lot of ways when I read your posts, I felt like it was exactly what I would say or think about something. You've been a blessing to many people here. God bless you. You are such a wonderful person and God will surely make your life beautiful if you have all your trust in Him.<P>Take care.<P><P>------------------<BR>Kathy

Thanks everybody! Yes, I probably will still be lurking around and commenting left and right. And I do feel a "responsibility" of sorts to help others as much as I've been helped, even if it is hard at times. I still don't feel like I have any answers, just that I've made it thru and have learned a bit in the process.<P>So, I will continue to hang around a while longer. I do include all the people at this board in my prayers, even if I don't respond everytime. <P>Thanks again.<BR>Mrs.O<BR>